zorilla

i'm wondering if anyone else out there has ocd and addiction problems.i had an eating disorder as a teenager;diagnosed with OCD;self mutilation;i'm an alcoholic,and addicted to meth and xanax.i've been off meth for 5 weeks but am still using alcohol and xanax.i'm wondering if i should see someone at mental health to help deal with my addictions since i have a mental disorder too.any advice anyone has would appreciated.thanks

doorknob

I have OCD and am an alcoholic/pot addict. I've been struggling for years. I believe you have to treat both to keep from relapsing. Many mental health centers have a dual diagnosis program. That would be the idea situation. There's a few others here with OCD as well. Welcome to SR!

Paul

Time4Change

Hi Zorilla! What an interesting question to ask. I'm really anxious to hear other people's experiences with this, because I know it sure hits home for me. I'm a painkiller/benzo addict (in recovery for almost four months) and my whole life I've had OCD tendencies.

When I was young, I had a lot of stuffed animals that I kept on my bed. Before I would allow myself to use the bathroom in the morning, I had to completely make my bed and place each and every stuffed animal in their appropriate places. I would spend hours arranging and cleaning my shelves and desk drawers. My clothes were color-coordinated in the closet. All my bric-a-brac had to be in their places before I could relax. Everyone thought it was quirky. There wasn't a name for it back in the '70s.

I seem to have a routine for everyday tasks, like washing the dishes, taking a shower, cleaning up the family room, feeding the animals, etc. I have this compulsion to do it in a certain order or else I feel uneasy.

I have a LOT of quirks, like having to have the pattern on my plates face a certain way when I set the table. My kids give me a bad time and secretly move them a bit, then hide and giggle while watching me "fix" it.

My drug addiction goes along with my addictive personality, I believe. I have always had a tendency to get addicted to things, like a TV show, a type of food or drink, the Internet, even people.

I really hope others post about their OCD tendencies, because I find it very interesting. Thanks so much for bringing this up!

Also, congratulations on your five weeks off meth! That's great! Don't give up fighting this damned addiction. You can do it! It certainly wouldn't hurt anything if you go see a mental health professional. Good luck!

zorilla

as a child having OCD was a nightmare.i call it the worry disease.i constantly worried about everything;even when i was asleep.i washed my hands constantly being afraid of germs.i did alot of counting and other rituals.i thought if i thought something bad about someone that it would happen.i have always been depressed since i can remember.unwanted thoughts and the fear of horrible nightmares when i was about four yrs old would make it hard for me to go to sleep.i was afraid that my thoughts and dreams would come true.i was an overly shy child with a very low self esteem.i missed alot of school due to stomach aches that were caused from anxiety.
anyway it would take forever to tell my whole story but it seems that when i got older it was so hard to comply with all the rituals i demanded myself to do to feel better got so overwhelming that i started drinking so i wouldn't think so much.at age 20 i drank so much so i couldn't think at all.every time i decided to quit drinking the horrible unwanted thoughts would come back.5 rehabs didn't help me because i couldn't deal with thinking and worrying so much.i got married at age 22 and shortly after became pregnant.i was drinking alot and using cocaine almost daily.i stopped them both as soon as i found out i was pregnant because i didn't care about hurting myself but could't bare hurting an unborn child.to this day i still believe if i wouldn't have gotton pregnant i would be dead.she was a miracle from god.i became sort of addicted to being pregnant.i loved carrying a child and i focused all my thoughts into taking care of her before and after she was born.my husband and i grew apart because he was still using drugs.i did very well not drinking for for about 10 yrs even though my husband went to prison when our daughter was 5 yrs old.i still struggled with the unwanted thoughts but knew i had to be ok to take care of my daughter.when my daughter was 9 i met another man and quickly fell in love with him.he drank alot and i started drinking alot too.about 6 months later i tried meth amphetamine.i loved it.i had all kinds of energy and i wasn't so shy anymore.i have been using meth almost daily for a yr and a half.i started not getting the good results anymore.i had to have it just to feel ok and normal.i began to take xanax and klonopin so that i could sleep at night.i could barely leave my house because i was so paranoid.the depression that came after stopping using it was unbearable.i would be so depressed and tired.after several attemps to quit i did quit 6 weeks ago today.i still think about using meth everyday but i know things will just get worse if i continue to use it.the problem i'm facing now is that i am depressed and if i don't drink and take xanax i have really bad withdrawals.i'm doing better than 6 weeks ago but i need to quit the alcohol and xanax.i'm going to a doctor next week and telling her the whole truth.i want to try zoloft again because it did really help with the OCD and see if she would be willing to wean me off the xanax.i've felt this bad before and i know that i can feel better.

Millwallj

I have had OCD - quite a severe bout that lasted nearly a year. I was very, very unwell because of it.

I am lucky that I am round the corner from one of the best pschiatric hosptals in the world. An incredible place that took me in, put me on the right road, and let me go again at the end - pretty much healed. OCD seems like an impossible battle, but with the right tools is quite managable.

Time4Change

That's so nice to know. I'm so happy to hear things are going well for you, Mill!
Wow, zorilla, you just described my own childhood to a T! I'm sitting here with my mouth wide open after reading that.
Me, too. With me it started with over-the-counter allergy medications or diet pills. I liked making myself feel any way other than how I usually felt. Anything to make me feel different somehow, I tried. I'd starve myself to feel different. I'd stuff myself with sweets to feel different. I was a cutter back in the '70s and early '80s before I ever heard of others doing it.
I followed that same path, except my drug of choice was painkillers. I loved how it brought me out of my shell and I could be social and fun. I wasn't as shy. I could finally make phone calls (I HATE calling people, or answering the phone/door) and I liked the euphoria. Unfortunately, like most drugs, I had to use more and more to maintain that feeling, until finally, even though I was taking fists full of pills, they stopped working and just made me very ill. My life went into the toilet. My depression became the worst it'd ever been. If it weren't for my husband and children, I don't think I'd still be here (I'm so ashamed to say that).
I was the same way. It's awful, isn't it? A living nightmare.
I'm so excited to hear that! Good for you! You'll be so happy and relieved you did that. I just know you will. I went to an addiction specialist and am currently being treated for SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder) with Effexor XR, and I'm taking Suboxone for my opiate addiction. I've also immersed myself in NA meetings, got a sponsor, and am working the steps with all my heart and soul. I changed people, places, and things, and have found a new way of life! Things are getting better every day. There IS a way out!

Thank you for sharing your story, zorilla. I hope you'll continue to share and keep us updated. There are so many wonderful folks here with such knowledge, encouragement, support and love to give. And you know, your story could be helping many others who just read and don't post, too.

Welcome to SR! Looking forward to hearing more about you! So glad you're here!