You don't have to drink alcohol...

Old 09-26-2005, 09:36 PM
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You don't have to drink alcohol...

...to die from the disease of alcoholism.

I posted this in the "What is Recovery?" forum, but I wanted to post it here as well for my Friends & Families family!

This disease kills, and recovery is a life-or-death issue for alcoholics, addicts and their families.

Over the years in Al-Anon, I have known some beautiful people who have died as a direct result of this disease, and they were not alcoholics or substance-abusing addicts themselves (at least not to my knowledge). Two men that I knew for years in Al-Anon meetings took their own lives. In my opinion, one is too many. For the disease of alcoholism, a thousand is never enough...

I sometimes feel (and I may be wrong here) that there are those recovering in Al-Anon in my area who have an "oh-it's-not-that-bad-I-can-get-by-on-one-meeting-a-week-if-I-have-the-time" kind of approach to recovery. This is not an option for me. Just as alcoholism was a way of life in my home as I grew up, today recovery is the way of life that I choose.

Al-Anon is my anti-depressant, my anti-psychotic, my anti-"everything I learned growing up about self-abuse, self-hatred and slow self-destruction". If I don't take this life-saving medication as directed, with regularity, this disease will do its level best to kill me. That's what the disease of alcoholism does: it kills people affected by it. It does this with tenacity and precision. It refuses to stop, and it grows stronger with time. Move over Ah-nold---alcoholism is the real Terminator...

I once heard a woman share that "you don't have to drink alcohol to die from the disease of alcoholism". I can say it no better than that.
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Old 09-26-2005, 10:08 PM
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Yes it does take others with it. Maybe not a direct death but it can shorten a life span.

As to meetings... Some can get by with one, others may find 10 a week works for them. As we grow in recovery, we learn to carry the tools of recoevry with us. Sooner or later, we may find the amount of meetings we need become less. The important thing...remembering where meetings are and being able to recognise the need for a meeting and then going as needed.
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Old 09-26-2005, 10:37 PM
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Very true, best... As I re-read my post, I see how I implied in a way that meetings are all that are needed to recover. I certainly did not mean to put that message across. In my recovery toolbox, meetings are but one tool I can use for my continued growth.

No matter how many meetings I attend, there are still 23 other hours left in the day in which I need to put to use the tools I've been given. As I mentioned, recovery is a lifestyle choice for me, one that I employ wherever I am. I've heard AAs speak of "wearing recovery like a loose garment". A friend in Al-Anon says that what's important to her is that she "suits up and shows up." (it's a good thing too 'cos, much as I love this woman, she's 70 and I'm not sure that she should be running around nekkid... )

My point, had I been more eloquent, was that I have known non-alcoholics who have died as a direct result of the disease of alcoholism and that I believe this happens frequently in the form of suicides, homicides, drunk-driving victims, fatal cases of child neglect and elderly neglect, accidental shootings (hunting "accidents"?), intentional shootings... the list could go on.


As far as attendance at meetings, I like what I heard once: when you're feeling bad, you may need a meeting; when you're feeling good, a meeting may need you!

Thanks for the eye-opener, best!
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Old 09-27-2005, 03:33 AM
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As far as attendance at meetings, I like what I heard once: when you're feeling bad, you may need a meeting; when you're feeling good, a meeting may need you!
Just beautiful... For me, today, this is a great thought of the day. Tonight, I'm planning on going to my first naranon meeting. I've always gone to alanon, because there were no naranon where I lived. I'm a bit nervous, but, I'm in a very good place today, because of my recovery and friends here.
There are no coincidences!
Shalom!
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Old 09-27-2005, 04:56 AM
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Nocellphone...great post!

When I began recovery I was manifesting physical symptoms caused by stress. That was a wake up call for me as I take my health fairly seriously.

Going to as many meetings as possible, sometimes 5 a week, for 6 years I was able to put that toolbelt you refer to together and today it is never far from my reach. On a daily basis I "suit-up and show up" and I keep my radar pointed inward instead of outward.

Just recently I found myself discontented and critical...a sure sign that I was veering off to places I don't choose to go anymore. I am the only one that can get me back to where I belong.

Sorry...I veered a little off-topic too
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Old 09-27-2005, 05:17 AM
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I have 2 a week I attend. This month, I missed one of them 3 times, and boy can I tell.
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Old 09-27-2005, 05:52 AM
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Nocellphone, I appreciate reading this post today as it's very pertinent to my life at the moment. I'm struggling right now with several challenges & frustrations & just trying to keep my focus on me. Some anger (some!) issues are coming up for me & I'm finding it very hard to access assistance.

I don't mind doing the hard work, but I think I've done about all I can do on my own - I'm at the point that I need a little guidance & can't really find it. So I'm now getting angry about that.

A couple of nights ago my partner & I were talking about AA (she's 16 years sober) & during the course of our conversation she said that I as an ACOA have the disease of alcoholism. It blew me away as I'd never before heard that particular little gem. After a while I think I understood better what she was trying to say, but I still couldn't really accept it.

I've always felt the "disease of alcoholism" was a thing perpetrated upon me & others like me, not a thing I "have." I tend to see statements like this as blaming or at the very least, a pawning-off of responsibility designed to soothe guilty consciences. That's the angry me feeling this way.

The rational me striving toward healing wants to better understand the concept & not make leaps of misunderstanding. So it's good & interesting that this topic of the "disease" of alcoholism has presented itself to me twice in as many days. When this happens it's always been something I'm being called upon to pay close attention to.

Pretty angry & frustrated right now - I can't even articulate much of what is swirling around my mind. I really wish there was an Al-Anon or ACOA meeting I could attend or someone I could talk to or cry & yell with, but at least I can be assured there are like a bazillion AA meetings close by.

When the sarcasm creeps in, it's time for me to shut up again. Lid's about to blow off the pressure cooker.

Anyway, thanks for the topic.
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Old 09-27-2005, 05:53 AM
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When I began recovery I was manifesting physical symptoms caused by stress. That was a wake up call for me as I take my health fairly seriously.
I think that's probably true for alot of people. It certainly was for me. I had lost a significant amount of weight from the stress I was under. My hair was falling out and I couldn't keep food down even if I wanted to. I didn't trust myself behind the wheel of my truck. I wanted so badly to drive myself into any solid structure I could find. I just couldn't handle life anymore and everything seemed hopeless. The disease had taken me hostage, and fortunately, Al-anon set me free.

I had no clue how much richer life could be. Al-anon has changed my general outlook on and approach to life. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, I do has changed. I'm a better person. I love myself for that. My weight is back up, my hair is coming back (and staying put!), and I no longer have the urge to drive my car into a telephone poll. My life is manageable and things are no longer hopeless. One day at a time keeps me right where I need to be.

I could have died from this disease, and what a shame that would have been.

Thanks for being here... it's this community that saves us all,
Shannon
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Old 09-27-2005, 02:40 PM
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Originally Posted by historyteach
Tonight, I'm planning on going to my first naranon meeting. I've always gone to alanon, because there were no naranon where I lived. I'm a bit nervous, but, I'm in a very good place today, because of my recovery and friends here.
I have a double-winner friend who once said, "I'll go anywhere they talk about the Steps and God". I'm of that opinion myself!

Originally Posted by JT
I keep my radar pointed inward instead of outward.
Nice! Thanks for this!

Originally Posted by Neasa
I as an ACOA have the disease of alcoholism.
That thought blew me away when it first came to my attention, as well. But when it did, it was one of those "A-Ha!" moments. I finally had an accurate diagnosis for what I'd been drowning in all those years, and I found my "treatment" in Al-Anon (and Al-Anon Adult Child Focus groups).

Originally Posted by GettingBy
I no longer have the urge to drive my car into a telephone poll... I could have died from this disease, and what a shame that would have been.
I am filled with gratitude that you, I and everyone here today did not have to needlessly die from this disease... In my case, death was close too many times.

I'm also grateful that my answer to the question "How are you today?" is no longer, "Well, I haven't had a suicidal or homicidal thought today!" For me, that used to be as good as it got. And just for today, it's no longer that way!
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Old 09-27-2005, 05:27 PM
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Every now and then there is a slight whisper of what it is I need to realize and do. Then I loose my focus and forget what it was I heard. Hopefully, with enough work and enough focus on my recovery, that whisper will become a YELL!!
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Old 09-27-2005, 09:42 PM
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Jess, for me the whisper is still a whisper, but I'm less and less able to ignore it...

To me, that's how the Higher Power speaks--in whispers. It says what it needs to say, and it steps back and allows me to choose whether to act on the information or not. Whatever choice I make, the consequences are mine either way.

My disease, on the other hand, is the thing that screams, yells, coaxes, cajoles, coerces, makes deals, says "C'mon, it'll be ok. Don't worry about it. We'll clean it up later!" This is the "voice" I have learned to say no to.

I used to share at meetings that, since I've been in Al-Anon, I've grown a conscience. Then, someone said to me, "You always had a conscience. You just never listened to it..."




Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
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Old 09-28-2005, 06:54 PM
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To me, that's how the Higher Power speaks--in whispers. It says what it needs to say, and it steps back and allows me to choose whether to act on the information or not. Whatever choice I make, the consequences are mine either way.
You have a gift, Nocell, for getting through to those of us who are lost in the initial muck of this recovery stuff. I am truly thankful for your willingness to share what you know and who you are.
(And I think I speak for lots of us!)
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Old 09-29-2005, 03:01 AM
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My partner came home from her meeting last night with some (hopefully) good news for me: there's a good ACOA meeting right around the corner from our house on Monday evenings! She got this from a friend at her meeting who has gone & vouches for the health of this particular meeting, so I'm planning to go next Monday.

As the fire under my, erm, seat, has been growing bigger & hotter, I've been wavering back & forth wildly about this whole issue of Al-Anon/ACOA meetings. One minute I'm desperately wanting it & the next I'm thinking it would be just another way to allow alcohol to sink its claws into me even deeper.

I said to her a couple of nights ago that while I was willing to go & be open & I intellectually understood that healing is to be found there, I couldn't help comparing it to what a person with gangrene would face. There's gangrene in a foot, so the leg has to be sacrificed to save the entire body. This person is probably dreading the surgery & the pain & knows she will lose a significant part of herself. But her alternative is death. So she has the surgery but no one in their right mind expects her to be happy about it.

That's where I am with meetings. Fearing my only hope of salvation. Not the best of places to be in, but I've been in worse.

Why do I always feel like I'm babbling when I post here?
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Old 09-29-2005, 04:18 AM
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hi Neasa,

Well....the gangrene analogy doesn't fly with alcoholism/addiction. 'If we could just remove the addict, the illness will go away' logic just doesn't work. Instead we learn to look inward. What we find is a whole lot of healing needs to happen inside us. With compassion, perseverance, and the help of our HP we can heal. That's all we can do. But that's a lot.
warm wisjes,
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p.s. You're not babbling. You're processing your thoughts and that's a good thing.
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Old 09-29-2005, 06:20 AM
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Maybe I didn't express myself very well

Hi Reikihelps - & thanks for greeting me.

When I made the gangrene analogy I wasn't thinking about the alcoholics in my life, past or present, I was thinking about me & my wounds. I think of them as dis-eased parts destroying everything else in me that they contact. In this I think I am looking inward & taking ownership.

Before I can be well or more well, that which is dis-eased needs to be dealt with, that's all. I don't believe removing the alcoholic from my life will make the dis-ease go away.

I spend a lot of time feeling like I don't speak the same language as most people - this is a classic example of why.
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Old 09-29-2005, 09:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Neasa
When I made the gangrene analogy I wasn't thinking about the alcoholics in my life, past or present, I was thinking about me & my wounds. I think of them as dis-eased parts destroying everything else in me that they contact. In this I think I am looking inward & taking ownership.
I understand what you're saying, and I like the analogy.

The nice thing is that we're not dealing with gangrene, which is only treatable through amputation and loss of the affected part. We're dealing with alcoholism, incurable but treatable through the process of recovery. Those wounds can and will heal, through time and effort. Alcoholism is a thief and we lose much to its effects. Recovery, by definition, means "getting back that which was lost"...

Originally Posted by Neasa
I don't believe removing the alcoholic from my life will make the dis-ease go away.
True! I've said for years that, if all the alcoholics in my life were rocketed to another planet, I'd still be left with my own insanity/diseased thinking.

Originally Posted by Neasa
I spend a lot of time feeling like I don't speak the same language as most people - this is a classic example of why.
I imagine this is because no one ever gave us the language we needed to describe the problem of alcoholism in our lives. Know where I finally learned that language?




Al-Anon.
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Old 09-30-2005, 04:19 AM
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Originally Posted by nocellphone
I understand what you're saying, and I like the analogy.
Thank you nocellphone - it means a lot to me just to be heard accurately.

Originally Posted by nocellphone
Recovery, by definition, means "getting back that which was lost"...
This was an "a-ha" statement for me. It's been my spirit's wish for the longest - to regain that which I came to the planet with, the innocence of spirit, the possibilities, the untainted heart.

Originally Posted by nocellphone
I imagine this is because no one ever gave us the language we needed to describe the problem of alcoholism in our lives.
How true. Not having a language is akin, to me at least, who's in love with language, words, communication, to being erased.

Originally Posted by nocellphone
Know where I finally learned that language?




Al-Anon.
I'm less fearful today about Al-Anon & maybe Monday night I'll begin to realize some of its healing.

After a very stormy emotional day yesterday (punctuated, oddly enough, by an actual thunderstorm which knocked out our power for a couple of hours - no coincidences) my sweetie took me out for dinner because we couldn't cook at home. Just getting out of the house, into the wonderful, salty, swirling air, listening to the seagulls fuss at one another as if they had problems, lol...I returned home to restored power (analogies & metaphors filling up my vision), a full belly, 2 very welcoming 4-legged family members & a much better outlook. Amazing what a couple of hours of fresh air can accomplish. Then I realized, just before sleep that I was actually looking forward to Monday night.

I understand that this meeting is an Al-Anon meeting with an ACOA part - ???don't really understand how that is put together, but guess I'll find out.

You've got some compassion going on there, ya know, nocellphone?
*appreciating*
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Old 10-01-2005, 10:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Neasa
It's been my spirit's wish for the longest - to regain that which I came to the planet with, the innocence of spirit, the possibilities, the untainted heart.
Beautifully put!



Originally Posted by Neasa
You've got some compassion going on there, ya know, nocellphone?
*appreciating*
shhh... don't tell anyone...

I'm just a'givin' what was freely given to me in Al-Anon. They loved me even when I couldn't love myself.
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