Needing input, please
Southern through and through
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Needing input, please
Hey guys,
If you can, please go read the post I made in response to Smokes' "First Lesson in letting go". I need ya'll's help.
Thanks.
If you can, please go read the post I made in response to Smokes' "First Lesson in letting go". I need ya'll's help.
Thanks.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hangin' In
I find that wh my son is clean, especially when he is newly clean, that his fuse is short also. Doesn't excuse it, but it just is.
And out of frustration you gave her the keys. Can you see where this is going? Yup, she had a tantrum and got a reward.
I think it would help if you established some boundaries here, for as long as she chooses to live in your house. With my son, aside from the "no using" boundary, there is also the respect boundary.
He doesn't have to agree with me, and I will discuss anything as long as we remain at discussion level, but he does have to respect that it is my house, and I don't allow anyone to be disrespectful to me in my house. He knows that I will love him just as much if he chooses to live elsewhere.
If her boyfriend is disrespectful to you, then don't allow him in your house. But if she wants to see him somewhere else, that should be her choice, as it no longer affects you personally.
It's hard having them live at home - it just didn't work for me and my son.
Work your program, get to meetings somehow (maybe call ahead to make sure they are still active meetings) and learn to set boundaries. It's hard work, but worth it in the end and it will give you some peace and serenity at long last.
I find that wh my son is clean, especially when he is newly clean, that his fuse is short also. Doesn't excuse it, but it just is.
And out of frustration you gave her the keys. Can you see where this is going? Yup, she had a tantrum and got a reward.
I think it would help if you established some boundaries here, for as long as she chooses to live in your house. With my son, aside from the "no using" boundary, there is also the respect boundary.
He doesn't have to agree with me, and I will discuss anything as long as we remain at discussion level, but he does have to respect that it is my house, and I don't allow anyone to be disrespectful to me in my house. He knows that I will love him just as much if he chooses to live elsewhere.
If her boyfriend is disrespectful to you, then don't allow him in your house. But if she wants to see him somewhere else, that should be her choice, as it no longer affects you personally.
It's hard having them live at home - it just didn't work for me and my son.
Work your program, get to meetings somehow (maybe call ahead to make sure they are still active meetings) and learn to set boundaries. It's hard work, but worth it in the end and it will give you some peace and serenity at long last.
Southern through and through
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Thanks, Ann. The things that worries me is my daughter is only 20. I think her emotional age is probably 15 (from what they tell me about the maturity stopping at the age they started drinking.)
Now if we decide we can't live with her in this house, how am I supposed to feel comfortable about putting a 20 year old (who is really 15) out on her own? If we draw the line....and man, would that be hard, but if we do it will be with NO monetary support from us. She wants to be disrespectful, then I'm NOT paying for an apt for her to move out. That is what she really wants...to move out.
My husband is so mad he could spit nails! And this is the man who is ALWAYS calm, cool and collected. But he's had it after being told he is hated by her tonight. I know it killed him. She just kept yelling, "I'm 26 days sober and that is what is most important!" I know, but we will not tolerate disrespect.
I honestly don't know what to do. Ann, have you ever had to PUT your son out of the house? I need help.
Now if we decide we can't live with her in this house, how am I supposed to feel comfortable about putting a 20 year old (who is really 15) out on her own? If we draw the line....and man, would that be hard, but if we do it will be with NO monetary support from us. She wants to be disrespectful, then I'm NOT paying for an apt for her to move out. That is what she really wants...to move out.
My husband is so mad he could spit nails! And this is the man who is ALWAYS calm, cool and collected. But he's had it after being told he is hated by her tonight. I know it killed him. She just kept yelling, "I'm 26 days sober and that is what is most important!" I know, but we will not tolerate disrespect.
I honestly don't know what to do. Ann, have you ever had to PUT your son out of the house? I need help.
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