Girlfriend

My ex abusive husband's mom was a bitter woman. Just mean and nasty and angry ALL the time. No one wanted to be around her. She became that way because she made some wrong choices with the men she picked in her life....the first one, an alcoholic and then, after that, men that she could control, but still didn't make her happy.

I always looked at her and PRAYED "Lord, PLZ, don't ever let me get bitter towards men,.....towards anyone".

Then, we go through life and make some wrong choices and end up (sometimes) in the same place as they did and.........ending up being bitter....just like I didn't wanna be.

I think that when we keep ourselves tied to our xA's, through phone calls, letters, talking to others about him....checking up on them, that hinders us from moving on and yeah,.....after awhile, comes the bitterness. Cuz we're still hanging on to what was never our's in the first place. Their reciprocal, unconditioning love.

Now that xabf is out on the farm, looks happy, is not calling me anymore....I'm able to move on. I don't have the urge to write him or check up on him,......I'm just ready for the next step in my life and hoping SO much that I've learned from this last experience in my past and to leave it right there......in the past.

I'm not gonna give xabf or anyone the power to make my life a standstill (and, you can all remind me that IF I ever do go back to wanting the past )

sunshinebluesky

ive known people like that too....that made me say i never want to be like that. my italian grandmother used to say they should put all the men on a boat and ship them off to sea!! i thought it was terrible she felt that way. NOW I SAY IT!!! but i dont mean it. i am more cautious,maybe alittle more suspicious,hold back on the trust alittle--but i think that is a GOOD thing. will keep me from making some of the same mistakes. i dont think i could ever just give up on men entirely. its not in my makeup.
im not so hell bent on going out and getting another relationship,as in the past--which comes from disappointment and i think, getting older. but i never say never. and i tend to just deal with things as they happen.alot of things i regretted,i dont regret so much down the road. its all part of life. sometimes,i actually WORRY that my ex will come to me at some time in the future for friendship or something,and how i will handle it. may never happen. maybe it will. but ill deal with it then. and say....can i get back to ya on that??---then sneak to these boards for support.
there are alot of bitter people out there,not just over relationships but many things. i dont ever want to be one of them. sometimes it is natural,its when it becomes a lifelong trait that you got to really look at yourself.

Gabe

Oh...a big "hell yeah" to that sunshine.
And bitterness is a most unbecoming trait.

nanad

Bitternes makes you ugly inside and out.


nanad

GettingBy

That paragraph describes my mother-in-law perfectly. I used to take her bitterness very personally, and tried so hard to make her happy. Eventually I learned to accept her, and that saved me so much grief.

Understanding that NO ONE but ME is responsible for my happiness, helps to understand that I am not responsible for anyone else's happiness.... and that alone keeps me from being bitter! Live and Let Live!

Nice post Girlfriend!
Shannon

Minx1969

GF -

You just described my mother to a tee..I haven't had a relationship with her for 10 years (although I am writing her letters) because she was/is so angry and bitter..Hard to grow up around a woman like that..

I was so afraid I would grow up to be like her..but I've worked hard not to be..

pmaslan

Girlfriend....sounds like you are making incredible progress...I am thrilled for you....
Love, Patty

Cazza

Girlfriend, you have the mindset I wish I had. I am kind of bitter lately. I hope it is just because of my recent heartbreak and that I will heal. It's amazing how quickly I went from singing Love's praises to cursing it and losing belief in it. I don't want to end up a bitter old woman. Being bitter isn't fun.

Girlfriend

Thanks, everybody, for your responses and compliments!

Yeah, Cazza, I think we all get bitter after being hurt by the ones we love. That's only natural....to get angry. But, I feel this way.... as long as I learn through the hard times and surrender it to God and just pray that He'll keep my heart from getting cold, I'll be doing okay.

And, hopefully getting wiser and healthier instead of repeating the same mistakes.

There is a fine line between love and hate. We can hate someone just as much as we loved them, but in the long run....it's only hurting us the most and keeping us from possible loving relationships in our future.

minnie

2 sides of the same coin. I think the true opposite of love is indifference. And that's where I am as far as my ex is concerned. Might not be pretty, but it sure is a lot easier to deal with than hate and bitterness.

brdlvr2

Girlfriend - you are doing wonderful.

I am guilty of going between being bitter (why bother trying to meet somebody new - they all will turn into jerks anyway once you find out their true colors) To being optimistic that yes, that may be true, but now I hopefully will see the red flags and end it before I get sucked in like the last relationship I was in. I sure hope the resentment and bitterness I feel goes away soon!

Gabe

Oh boy, do I agree with that.
(Pardon Minnie and I for sharing the same brain lately )
I have watched SO MANY people put up with indifference from a partner, get treated like total sh*t, and still think there was something salvagable about the relationship.

minnie

(Gabe - seems like my mind-melding witchy experiments in time for Halloween are working)

sunshinebluesky

must be working on me too!! thats how i been feeling about mine lately...very indifferent. now when my mind wanders to the hurtful things,there is no hate,no love, no caring.my kids father,one time years ago,screamed at me on the phone over and over...I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU....I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU....at the time,and for a long time it hurt me so much not that he would say it,it was how he said it. but now, i kinda know what he meant and how he felt. today i feel the very same about him,and a couple other exes including the most recent. i just dont care anymore. and i dont think its mean,i dont think its a bitterness,its just............indifference.

Girlfriend

I have a gf that got divorced then about a year later, fell for a guy in London while she was there....they dated long distance. He'd fly to see her almost every weekend.

But, he had some "issues" that he couldn't get over, so he backed out of his relationship with T.

Now, T is so bitter that if a guy even looks at her, she has a snide remark to say to him. I feel badly for her because she's cut herself off from all men and therefore is a precursor to her being alone the rest of her life.

She may choose that option. Alot of people do. They'd rather be single, but then again, deep down she may really want to share again with a good man, but her heart is too hardened right now for that.

I'm sure she'll come around. I was like that, too, for awhile after my divorce to my ex abusive H. I despised men. I truly did. But, once again, that's where God showed me to forgive, move on and learn to live and love again.

minnie

Interesting, girlfriend. I have never been bitter about all men. I have had times of bitterness against active alcoholic men. But as long as that keep me away from them, I don't mind that. It doesn't eat me up at all. Sad if it were to do that.