paula a.

I am SO angry right now. I apologize in advance if this gets long.
My dear AH has been pretty well behaved for a while now, maybe that is why I am soooo ticked off.
I'm sure I told you all that I opened my own business, well between one thing and another I haven't been open near the amount that I should be. So Sept. 1 I decided that I would be open every day come hell or high water--can't make any money if you aren't there ya know.
Hubby has been working 12 hour nights for 18 days straight, he has five more to go before he gets a day off. So I get up at 4:30am to go get him from work, get home in time to take my daughter to school for practice, get home get my little one on the bus, get AH tucked into bed, hop in the shower and fly into the shop, which I have been closing an hour and a half early each day so I can get home to get AH and take him back to work, then either come back and open the shop again, or run to whatever game my daughter has going on get home in time to spend twenty minutes with my son before bed and then pick up the house and go to bed so I can start all over again the next day.
This week the guys at work started roadsides. That means they all bring a cooler and when they get off in the morning they park alongside the road and have a couple beers to let off a little tension, which is fine as long as it is for a COUPLE. I don't know about you guys, but my AH can't do just two beers. Last night I asked him when he wanted me to come get him, because generally I am stuck standing along side the road for an hour listening to a lot of off color jokes, which would maybe make me smile if it wasn't six in the morning and I had at least one cup of coffee in me. So he tells me "drag me outta there at 8" to which I said perfect I can get you home and be in the shop by nine. At 9:15 I say, "honey I have got to go". Can you guess what happens next? We jump into the truck and all the way home he is bitching about work or about me making him leave. I tell him that I waited as long as I could, and I was never a bitch about it, hell I never even rolled my eyes (even though I had every right to). I finally said I want to make money at this, right now is our busy season and weekends are where the $ is, so YES I have to be there. He started spouting a bunch of crap about me having to be somewhere else that I was so anxious to get to work. I told him he was drunk and pissy and I wasn't going to indulge him when I had to go to work, and walked away. Of course then he threw the cooler across the kitchen and stomped away and I left for work.
My patience for this nonsense is at an all time low. I am actually sitting here plotting what I am going to say to him on the way to work to make him feel like a complete jerk, and then I am NOT going to accept his apology. A giant light bulb has clicked on, I don't have to be treated with such disrespect simply because he wanted one more beer and I refuse to be treated like that for one more minute of my life. He wouldn't allow anyone else to treat me like that, I'll be damned if he gets to. (Hi Gabe, it's your evil twin out playing again, :lol)
WHEW...I feel better now, thanks gang!
Hugs,
Paula

Cazza

Good luck trying to get him to feel like a jerk. From my experience, A's will turn that around on you, no matter how big a jerk they are being and how much of a right you have to be angry. You don't have to be treated with such disrespect, but by trying to make him feel bad seems like an open invitation for him to do it all over again.

I don't feel it is my place to tell you how to handle it properly, since I could have handled things better with the A I knew, all I know is that A's are good at twisting our words to avoid anymore guilt or shame. As hard as it is, maybe not reacting to his behavior is another way to go.

Pick-a-name

Perhaps he could find his own ride home, if your time isn't convenient for him.......another co-worker, or whatever. If it is that big of a deal to him, he could find another and free you up for at least one job! Is that a possibility?

paula a.

Cazza,
Actually, my A feels quite guilty after he makes an ass of himself, and he will try to apologize for his behaviour. Usually he gets a smile and "that's okay honey". Not anymore, because it is NOT okay. Sometimes I think that our efforts to not react go too far. Not that I don't agree that there are definately times to "not" react, but once they have sobered up I think they need to know that they behaved badly. Otherwise I think it's like rewarding bad behaviour. I wouldn't let my kids get away with treating someone that way, I sure don't think he should get away with it just because he chose to have too much to drink.

paula a.

Hey Pick a name,
Generally he has a ride--but for this 21 day run it was up to me--after next friday it will be back to normal. I can hardly wait!

Cazza

Just seems like they know they are behaving badly and feel guilty anyway. And they can't help but act that way because they are sick. Ignoring someone is usually considered a punishment, not a reward, hence solitary confinement in prisons. But you know your husband best, and if it makes a difference to let him have it, go for it. The worst that can happen is that nothing changes. Take care.

paula a.

I believe they can't help but act that way when they are drunk, but I am not going to let him believe that it's okay because he was drunk. Does that make any sense? And honestly, I will probably accept the ornery s.o.b.'s apology, but I am going to make it clear that there is coming a time where he won't be forgiven--no matter how sick he is.
Hugs,
Paula