blueyes78

Well, to start off, I am trying to work things out with my ex husband. I was recently released and anxious to spend some time with him. About a month before I was getting ready to get out of prison, he asked for help with his addiction to coke. I was told he was clean this whole time, with the exception of him drinking. (I pretty much knew he was still using) Anyway, now I've been out for 3 wks, he's completed rehab & decided to go to a half way house. Keep in mind, I'm in Arkansas and he's in Texas. We talk on the phone every few days, but the conversations seem so disconnected. My patience is wearing thin. We communicated throughout my incarceration, mostly my writing him and once a week phone calls, but now, I feel like everything is one sided, like he doesn't even put forth any effort. I try to remember where I was during that point in early recovery, but I am getting so frustrated. I know we love each other, but is there any hope? We've been apart for over a year, we've visited, but of course it was controlled. I feel like throwing my hands up sometimes, but that's what I've always done & I want to do things different. If I don't try, how will I know, but I also have to have someone meeting me in the middle. Anyone else relate to this?

MissingMyHalo

Hi Blu!

I can't say that I can relate exactly to your specific experience but I can relate to loving someone who loved me or so we thought.

What is more true for me, is to accept at that time we enabled each others misery, and today I wouldn't want what I had before, as that wasn't good for me or for him.

Sometimes people find each other and they feed off each others bad habits or addiction, then when you're clean and sober it's just not the same. I'm not saying that is the case for you, but something to think about.

It's a lonely time for me right now, and I'm learning to live with that one day at a time.
Maybe he's struggling right now with his own addiction and trying to find that path that will keep him clean.

I'm not saying give up, give him the same support he gave you, but we always have to remember to give that support without expectations of receiving anything in return.

Congrats to you on your success over the demon!

pedagogue

YOu might want to post this in the Relationships/Family section of SR. YOu might find more people who have been in your situation.

-p

Running

I'm sure things seem distant because they are. Both of you will have to work at getting to know the "real" you--you are not your true self when your high all the time. Not to mention you've spent so much time apart. It takes time to get use to being together again.

I wouldn't give up. I'm not giving up in my situtation. I'm taking one day at a time and though I don't know what the future holds for me and the man I love I do know this---I''m going to be around to find out and I'm going to be the true me this time around. If it doesn't work out--then it just doesn't-- but there is always hope. Hope is the one thing you have to hang on to. If you want it bad enough--if it really means that much to you-- then hang in there and just take things slow. At least that's what I'm doing.

As for him he's going through a lot right now. I know when I first made up my mind to stop using cocaine I spent a lot of time feeling depressed and dealing with the regret that I had ever been the person I was while using. I'm still early in my recovery and I'm not only dealing with the guilt and shame of my actions, but for the first time I'm truely thinking clearly. The fog that I was staring through is lifted and all that lays ahead of me is the reality of what my life was and is at this point. It's alot to think about. I also know that I felt pretty selfish at first because I was so focused on myself and hurting other people with my distance, but when you've hit the bottom and you are trying to start over and move up again you have to focus on yourself first. The truth is until he's healthy-physically and mentally-- he probably doesn't have the strength to put much into a relationship at this point. Especially one with a history. Just hang in there. I've found that when you are doing the right things everything works out in the end. Good luck-- Running

Luckyv2

I just want you to know that your heart will know what is right when it happens we don't need to follow our head that will get us in trouble, but if we follow our heart then we know even if you have never seen someone you will know.

Love Vic