Anguished

I come to this site often to read the experiences of others in hopes to feel “normal”, if that’s even possible. These past few weeks with my ABF (together 9yrs) have been a real challenge to say the least. The disease is progressing… It’s more apparent everyday.

He’s a full time drinker. He drinks as soon as I pull out of the driveway to go to work. I never know what I’m going home to… Will he be passed out? Angry and yelling at the TV?? Or will he have finally fallen down the steps and broken his neck – dead? If he’s awake, as soon as I walk in the room the personal attacks start. How I act like I’m so much better than everyone else. I’m a snob. I’m selfish. I take it all with a stone face but I cry inside. I cry from my soul… It hurts…

Last Wednesday really scared me. We had a disagreement. He was so hammered. I hid his keys because he wanted to leave. I was ok with him leaving, he’s get picked up by the cops, but I didn’t want him driving. He got in my face and told me if I didn’t give him his keys he would punch me in the face and f me up real good. I looked in the glossy eyes and saw pure evil. I told him to do what he needed, I didn’t have his keys. Nothing happened. If anything had, I would have had him locked up.

Yesterday he decided to drive around, all drunk, and rear-ended a car. Can you believe the cops came and never noticed he was drunk??? They probably overlooked it because he has his CDL license. They don’t want to mess anyone’s life/career up. Jeez, he was driving drunk, think he could have messed someone else’s life up??

That’s enough for now. I already had my daily harassing phone calls from the belligerent drunk I call my boyfriend. Wonder what fun I get to deal with tonight??

Thanks for letting me vent… Thanks for listening…

walkingtheline

Venting is good, action is better.

Have you considered:

a restraining order?
Al-anon?
Taking action to insure no one, including him can treat you this way?

You are in danger! Call a shelter/file for a restraining order...take some action to protect yourself!

We're here 24/7...please keep coming back and let us know how you are.

FriendofBill

Hi Anguished,

Hope it felt good to get it out...keeping the crap stored up will kill us.
Im sure you know we all know how you feel. Have you tried al anon? Makes a huge difference in my life. Im happier...with others and myself. Give it a shot,,,,keep coming back,,,,we got shoulders for you to lean on.

dreamygirl

Hi -

I just wanted to tell you - you are not alone and to please protect yourself.
When you mention that look in his eyes - and pure evil - I have seen that too.
It is scary how evil alcohol can make a person. And when I tell my husband I was fearful, he does not know what on earth I am talking about. Because they are totally different people when they drink.

My AH is seeking recovery, but I moved out. I won't live with him or see him again - until I see actions, and even then I don't know if I can go back. I married him with no previous knowledge of his addiction - he is an end stage alcoholic - so I feel very deceived.

I wish you all the best. Be safe and keep coming back!

Dreamygirl

pmaslan

First of all Welcome....you have come to the right place for suppor and understanding.
I made my exA leave because he loved alcohol more than he loved me.
He wasn't a violent drunk, just obnoxious.....
I couldn't stand by and watch him kill himself any longer....
You on the other hand appear to be in danger.
If he is threatening you, he will probably follow through one day...
please look into options for your own safety...
keep coming back to post and let us know how you are doing...
Love, Patty

Anguished

Thanks for the words of understanding. You don't know how much that means to me. No one else understands like the people here are SR.

I'm stalling right now because I don't want to go home. When I do finally get there, I hope he's passed out. It makes for such a nice evening not having to listen to him rant and rave about issues that have nothing to do with him.

I'm going to try to get to a meeting tonight or tomorrow. I need the peace that accompanies sitting in a room of acceptance and understanding. Though I usually keep quiet, I can feed off those members that are steadily progressing in their program. It feels good.

As for his threat. Well, I hope to address it with him this weekend. I finally realized his true love is alcohol when I stood in between them. I usually walk away from the fights, I stay quiet and ask God to save my sanity. I just agree with the crazy lunatic until I can get away from him.

Have a good evening... I hope it's a quiet one.