kittin

My battle with my addiction and my cravings are what brought me here. I haven't used in 18 months, but I think about it almost daily. I was a heavy user for 12 years. When I went to rehab the last time, they asked me how much I used daily. My only reply was, hell I don't know, it came in a garbage bag (a big one). I regularly had grand mal seizures, weighed less than 100 lbs at 5"8", was up on the average of 7 days before crashing. Somethings in particular that I struggle with now are depression and De Ja Vu type sensation. This occurs almost daily. It's almost like I'm high and disassociate with reality. I have attemted to get some kind of answers from the so called professionals, all they can say is it will go away. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Any help, or even knowing I'm not the only one that thinks their losing their mind at times would help.

hopealwayz

Hi and welcome to SR! I am early in my sobriety so I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you. Some great answers will come along. I just wanted to pop in to say welcome to a great place for support.

quercusalba

Hi Kittin... and welcome. Congratulations on being sober for 18 months!

I'm sure I won't be the only one to ask you but... are you working any kind of a program? AA/NA or SMART or something along those lines? Do you do step work or have some sort of spiritual path or anything like that? Most of the time when I get out of whack, it's because I'm not taking care of my head, heart, or soul. It's also important to take care of your health - eat right, get enough sleep, exercise. While this is true for every human being, it seems to be especially important for addicts/alcoholics like us. Are you intellectually engaged in anything? Do you have hobbies, pursuits, family, friends? All of those things can help to pull your head out of addictive thoughts. What about counseling? Are you seeing a therapist? If you're not getting the right answers from one, you may have to shop around for someone else. I think you need to be very proactive if you're thinking of using every day.

I empathize with your feelings - I have certainly felt that way before. I generally find that there's something I'm not doing to take care of myself when I feel like that.

Best to you... I'm sure others will be along soon with better advice.
--anne

nogard

Hi Kittin,

Welcome to SR, glad you found us. What kind of support do you have? A structured program has helped me and continues to help me every day, one on one support on a regular basis alway keeps me moving forward.

Keep posting here and have a look around at the forums.

nogard

unspun

I have been around the rooms of recovery for a little while now. And let me tell you my addiction is really sneaky. He is this little voice in the back of my head that likes to remind me how "wonderful" my life was when I was loaded. He tells me how many "friends" I used to have and how lonely I am now. He tells me things to try and sabatoge my recovery. He is ENEMY NUMBER ONE!! But my addiction NEVER reminds me of prison, sleeping on park benches, and my family not wanting anything to do with me. What works for me is active participation in my 12 step program. I could never remain clean without the help of other recovering addicts. My cravings to use have not gone away(and I doubt they ever will) but my desire to stay clean and live my life free from the insanity of active addiction and incarceration outweighes those cravings. Glad your here and keep on going. It does get better over time