Dead Poet

I love these realizations I come to when I am sober however I have no way to avoid them when they happen, I can only pray I become strong enought to handle them

I've noticed that I've been around people (my family) which is a hate relationship rather than a love relationship....and because of this they are always tight and tense about everything....(fear).......if something goes wrong they automatically assume the worse...if they "can't handle something" they avoid it at all costs.....if they think they are right there is no seeing the other side....and they build mountains of anger. And, although I've always hated this way of looking at life, its very pessimistic, i think it rubs off after a while. You know what you want to believe but then you see a different example. That fears is what drives them to their addictions, smoking/alcohol. Their nervous energy causes anxiety and depression.

I have a question about this one - Who is to blame? My parents relationship brought me so much pain it was unbearable, when i found solace in the drug it comforted me. However, the drug also caused the uncontrolable crying when my mood was at a dramatic low. I know this from studying symptoms when I am sober. But, that just means my low would not be so low if I was not using. But there is truth to these tears right? So, what is to blame? When I am high I blame my parents, but when I am sober I know it is my choice to hurt myself. It is kind of a loose/loose situation through my eyes, because they way i see it is, if i stay the pain is not going to get any better and i will only have a tougher time trying to stay away from the drug, but the moment i use i destroy my life as well.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

4health

Not quite what you're talking about but maybe more simplistic. I was wondering today if my drinking caused my depression or if my depression caused me to drink. HUM... Honestly, I think it was depression caused from drinking. I felt like a bad mom ect when I drank so I would get depressed and the cycle continued.

I don't really know how to answer your own questions but just thought I'd mention my own clarity in thought today.

A thought is this. We are not simply a product of our parents. We're a product of our parents, our environment and, our own independent natures. Sometimes it is choices others have made for us, and sometimes it is choices we've made that put us where we are, sometimes it is a mixture. Does this even make sense? LOL I am about to get myself to bed. I just hope you can understand what I am saying. I don't think there is a 'person' to blame. IIt just is. Right now, I am a recovering alcoholic, hopefully someday I'll be a recovered alcoholic.

Midas

Well, I always thought I was raised in a ''sheltered'' childhood. Maybe my parents were too protective of me, since I am the youngest of three siblings.

Two things I recall having a profound effect on me when I was younger;
My Dad's remarks about the Close Encounters soundtrack of the 'Abduction of Barry (Me)' scene, "Oh I wish!!"
The second factor that steered me into drinking was finding my Dad's Marriage & Family Therapy notes that read, "I never wanted kids anyway."

One event very recently almost threw me into a tailspin. About two weeks after I moved into my apartment, they changed all the locks on the front door. I skyrocketed right past resentment into a full blown rage. My Mom and I talked about it since then, but it still hurts.

We can't really blame our parents because we chose to drink as a coping mechanism.

Phinneas

Agreed.

I would suggest, though, checking out ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics). A good friend pointed out to me that a big part of healing in sobriety is dealing with issues from childhood. Whether our parents drank or not, there was dysfunction. I do not blame my parents for how I was raised. They did (and do) the best they could with what they had. However, I believe that heaing family of origin issues can be a big part of recovery.

hugs.

phinny