Hangin' In

Ok guys, tell me this.

I finally got up the nerve to call my local Al Anon #. (Have been to Al Anon meetings out of town but not in town.) The lady answered. I told her I had been given her name as the local contact and wanted to find out information about the Al Anon meetings. Her FIRST statement or question, should I say, was....

"Who is this?"

Excuse me? WHO IS THIS? Doesn't this woman know it takes lots of courage to call, especially when you live in small town like me where people love to relish in other's misery???? (Now, now iIknow AL Anons aren't the ones who relish, but once the word gets out.....well, ya'll know. I know you do....but WHO IS THIS???

Ok, I know I might be being overly sensitive here, but if this is truly an anonymous group, I don't think asking a caller "Who is this?" is appropriate, especially when the caller hasn't even made a meeting yet.

Ok, I'm bracing myself. Ya'll let me have it!!!...

RedAPBT

Hi Hangin' In...

No need to brace yourself ... I am just going to speculate

So, your local Al-Anon # - this lady - is it a listed alanon # or a private residence??? I only ask as maybe she was asking for her own anonymity...

The local information offices where I am will only ask for that information if you are requesting a meeting guide and it is for mailing purposes only...

Hmmmmm

Laceejoe

Hi, Hangin'----Just wanted to let you know that I went through something similar when I called the local contact number in my town. It was given to me through the national Alanon number I found on the Internet. When I called the number and asked for the contact by her first name, the man who answered asked me what I wanted her for. When I explained that I was calling about the next Alanon meeting, he offered me her work number. I wasn't sure if it would be okay to call, but I did---because I REALLY wanted to attend a meeting before my dgt. got out of rehab. When I did call there, it was answered at a very reputable government office in the city by the contact herself. She was very polite and told me about the meeting being held that night and said she hoped I could attend, but then asked me how I got her work number. I felt bad when I told her that the man gave me her work number----because I got the impression that it was a "no-no" to do that!! I worried that he might get into trouble with her for giving out the work number---but she didn't mention anything when I met her at the meeting that night. I'm assuming, as Red said, that she was only trying to protect her anonymity also. Problem is, I work in a very public place, and I'm sure that I will eventually run into people there who I've seen at meetings. Any suggestions anyone on how to deal with this problem?? Keep hangin'in, Hangin' in!!!

RedAPBT

Laceejoe,

I have often run into people I have not ever expected to see in 12 step meetings - I have often felt a bit uncomfortable with this, but when I am in those rooms, my anonymity is just that - the people I saw did not approach me in the office or elsewhere and say "Hey I saw you at that meeting last week. What is your story?!"... they just smiled bigger and we knew that there was another connection made. We had a common thread...

I have had to work with some who I have chosen to break my anonymity with - and they respected the fact that my being in one of the rooms was my business and noone elses - and never shared my 'secret'.

I just let things come as they will - if I see them in another environment outside of the rooms (i.e. at the office) and I have never spoken to them - I do what comes naturally - smile and say hi and keep on going about my business - most accept that I wish to remain anonymous and keep theirs...

Hangin' In

Thanks, guys, for your response. Lacee, my experience was very similar to your's. The national 1-800 Al Anon people GAVE ME this woman's name. Obviously they got it from somewhere. So if she doesn't want her name given out, she needs to get with the Al Anon folks and tell them.

All I know is she made me VERY uncomfortable and her question only made me even more hesitant about going to meetings locally now.

BUT...the good news is my daughter went to AA last night and mentioned this incident to one of her friends. Her friend gave her a number of another lady for me to call. In fact, my daughter's AA friend called me later on last night (because she had given my daughter the wrong telephone number) and reassured me that the woman she was directing me to was very kind, compassionate with years of success in the program. So, I guess I'll give her a call.

Darn, this is hard enough. You'd think those in Al Anon would be so in tune with those who are trying to make the step to attend.
I did tell my daughter (after I calmed down after the telephone call ) that maybe this was God's way of telling me that I NEED to be in that group...to be the compassionate one. NOT THAT I COULD OFFER ANY ADVICE but I do have a heart for those who are hurting. And I'm sure there are others in there who have hearts for those hurting. Guess I'm just trying to think all this out in my mind and quit being so stupid about a simple question....lol.

So after this long, rambling post, is anyone here saying,

"Just shut up Hangin' In and go to the darn meeting!"

LOL....I heard ya'll.

Ok, alright already.....

Ann

Anonymity can be touchy business, and the best thing you could do was to give her a straight answer.

I am fairly open about the fact that I am codependent and attend meetings but I totally protect and respect everyone else's anonymity.

And if I meet another person from my meeting somewhere else, I never mention why I know them or the program, unless they are alone.

The important thing is to get to a meeting. You did nothing wrong, and like everywhere else on this earth, there will be people who are touchy some times. Don't worry about it.

Hangin' In

Heck Ann, the woman caught me so off guard that I spurted out my name and was leading into my social security number! But, thank goodness, I stopped myself before I told her my weight! (Of course my secret desire is to weigh what my driver's license says...lol.)

Ann

And my secret desire is to NOT look like my driver's license picture!

At the meeting I attend in Toronto (where everyone does not know everyone), we had one member "Stan H" who only affter 6 months told us his real name was "Brad G" (and I changed those names to protect the innocent LOL).

The important thing is the person in each seat, and like here, who they really are isn't important. Some of my best friends are right here on these boards, and I only know them by their board names and faces. Now picture all of us in a room together..what a sight we would be.

Hangin' In

Hey Ann,

Know how some folks who meet in chatrooms schedule a big meeting where all the people can come together and meet in person????? Hmmmmmmm, I see a possibility for that here. But I think we would have to warn the hotel that they should be prepared for a WILD bunch!....

Ann

Now how would that reservation go:

We'd like to book rooms for 1 orangutang, June Cleaver, a non-smoking duck, a middle-aged angel, one pickled brain in a jar (or could we call that luggage), a couple of monkeys, a butterfly lady, and an assortment of others. We're all crazy (but working on it) and no thank you - we don't want the complimentary champagne.

Hangin' In

Ok Ann, since you seem to know what to do, let us know when the first official, LIVE and IN PERSON, meeting of the Al Anon's of soberecovery.com will be.

Oh my gosh....I just realized something. I don't have a thing to wear!!!! Guess I'll just HAVE to go shopping! Oh wait....I have this great new RED suit, but come to think of it, it's more suited to wear in the home, around the A! So guess I'll have to go shopping afterall...