jerseybarb

I have this friend, or ex-friend as the case might be, who is taking advantage of me. We met in church and I brought her to her first AA meeting. For a year, she stayed sober but after a year, all hell broke loose. I tried to have no expectations with her, to be there when she tried to stay sober, but she has pushed me to my limit. A couple of weeks ago, she comes to my house drunk. After a lot of yelling, I got her to get into my car so I could drive her home. Her boyfriend had brought her to my house, she lives half an hour away. Then after agreeing to get into the car, she goes back in my house and comes out with a bottle. I just can't take her bs anymore. I feel that my soberity is at risk (even though I've been sober 20 years, I'm still just one drink away from a drunk) She has pulled stuff like this over and over. She has called several times and I have not returned her calls. Should I return her calls? I sure dont want to. I dont want to confront her, I just want her out of my life.

Girlfriend

Hi jerseybarb,


We're not responsible for their choices. If she wants to get drunk and then call you repeatedly, unplug your phone if it bothers you. It's always all about them.

I'm a RAH, too, of 11 years. I had a gf back when I first got sober that would do that to me. She'd get really drunk and then call me over and over again and leave messages and even show up at my apartment at 5am in the morning when I had to be at work by 7am.

I let her in the first time, so that she'd get off of the streets and have a place to sleep and sober up at. But, that was the last time I did that.

We just enable them if we give into their drama. She needs to hit bottom again and if we help them out all the time, they'll take that for granted and not worry about their sobrierity. Why should they when they have friends like us to help them out and listen to their drunken babble?

I know it's tough (I fail at it, too, sometimes with my xabf), but the best thing we can do for them is let them reap what they sow.

Keep posting.....you'll do fine! It's NOT WORTH losing your sobriety over. Congratulations for being sober for 20 years!

((hugs))

Cap3

If you are losing your serenity over another persons actions,please get with your sponsor as soon as possible,and reading the BB,if you are in AA,or another recovery,program.Start diging deep into program.When drinking becomes an option,i need help,help for my own recovery.Life on lifes terms will throw wrenches at me.Thats life.Its always how do i respond to all of this.
Congrats on 20 years..Way to go,
Keep on,keeping on.

CarolD

speak to her when she is sober. Tell her you are cutting all ties.
You did your best,,,let God do the rest.

We recovered alcoholics must protect our serenity.

AA saying..."we carry the message .... not the drunk"

Awesome sober time!

jerseybarb

Yep, she brought alcohol to my house, thats why I feel threatened