boundaries
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: SYDNEY AUSTRALIA
Posts: 21
boundaries
can some one tell me what type of boundaries to set with RAH im not sure im doing or setting them right
i find it difficult and i have just started doing it but it seems to make him angry
is this normal reaction on his part
how do i enforce them
i find it difficult and i have just started doing it but it seems to make him angry
is this normal reaction on his part
how do i enforce them
In Paradise!
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Pair-O-Dice, CA
Posts: 432
Mystical,
Most anything you do is going to upset him, you are attempting to alter a habit which sounds like is is reluctant is changing. This is why your boudaries for you should be to protect you has nothing to do with him.
If it upsets him then its probably a good boundary for you. Listen he is sick with a decease his rational thinking is the first to go what he says should have little to no merit. (all things considered) This is going to be tough but you need to trust yourself, your thinking, your judgement, your decisions. You not the one with the problem remember that.
Boundary example: I am not willing to let your problem become mine.
I am not willing to to stay in this relationship if you remain this way. (give timeline)
Make decisions, then follow up with action. It sounds like is playing to your better side
Words without action is dead. Why quit if he knows you really dont mean it anyways or wont do anything about it.
This started on a different thread about RAH, but this is really about you. You cant change him, nor make him do something he does not want to do.
BUT you dont have to and let this happen to yourself either. Save mystical!
Most anything you do is going to upset him, you are attempting to alter a habit which sounds like is is reluctant is changing. This is why your boudaries for you should be to protect you has nothing to do with him.
If it upsets him then its probably a good boundary for you. Listen he is sick with a decease his rational thinking is the first to go what he says should have little to no merit. (all things considered) This is going to be tough but you need to trust yourself, your thinking, your judgement, your decisions. You not the one with the problem remember that.
Boundary example: I am not willing to let your problem become mine.
I am not willing to to stay in this relationship if you remain this way. (give timeline)
Make decisions, then follow up with action. It sounds like is playing to your better side
Words without action is dead. Why quit if he knows you really dont mean it anyways or wont do anything about it.
This started on a different thread about RAH, but this is really about you. You cant change him, nor make him do something he does not want to do.
BUT you dont have to and let this happen to yourself either. Save mystical!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Henderson, NV
Posts: 14
boundaries
Mystical,
I was told by my therapist that it's not what you say it's how you say it. According to this psychologist, setting boundaries is very healthy, but there's a way to communicate. Don't address the situation as though it's about him or his actions towards you. All you can do is explain how something makes you feel and what will be your reactions will be and possible consequences. The consequences can be merely leaving the room, whatever. I think it's all in the presentation. If I want to set boundaries and I make a big deal out of it, it doesn't go very well. If I just say how it makes me feel at the time, it goes a little better.
I was told by my therapist that it's not what you say it's how you say it. According to this psychologist, setting boundaries is very healthy, but there's a way to communicate. Don't address the situation as though it's about him or his actions towards you. All you can do is explain how something makes you feel and what will be your reactions will be and possible consequences. The consequences can be merely leaving the room, whatever. I think it's all in the presentation. If I want to set boundaries and I make a big deal out of it, it doesn't go very well. If I just say how it makes me feel at the time, it goes a little better.
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