MYSTICAL

my RAH disappeared for 4 days and comes back to tell me i robbed him emotionally for that time and he left because i wouldnt help him with something before he left a that when i decided to help him i winged about it( i actually told him im busy right now ill help you when im finished)
and then on top of that it was all my fault and that someone in AA told him my father was an A thats why im like this
my father was a good man now passed, my husband didnt know him well and he was not an A in know that for sure
but Im sooooo annoyed that he even said this Im not to blame for his drinking and drugging and gambling problems
niether are my family , he will not admit hes an RA to family members he says he has a liver problem.

Greenbug

I dont see a question here so I will comment on what I am reading, since its posted for that reason?

So lets see this is how I am reading this your RAH (not even sure what this is but the "he" and "him" helped I think?)

or Dont buy into that BS, he does something then says it your problem, well it is if you dont do anything?

I am normally the one someone would be pissed off at, but I think there is Nar-anon which would help with this sort of thing?

To be blunt, you have to lay down to be walked on.

or better yet "Hey, there is a train coming! GET OFF THE TRACKS!"
or "you got cement shoes on and the water is rising"

only YOU can measure your self-worth...

My two cents

OK, off my soap box..
~GB

MYSTICAL

recovering alcoholic husband for 2 years
but weve decided thats he need to go back into rehab to sought his head out
cause we are all going crazy
family is pleased with this but it took his sponser to help him see the light
thank god

minnie

"We"? or you decided and he's going along with it?

Forget about him at the moment. If you are going crazy, what are you doing to help YOU?

MYSTICAL

actually he decided and i agreed and help him to make the arrangment
me- im going to lots of meetings

minnie

That's cool! I am so glad to hear you are getting help for you. I know how hard this is, but can I suggest that you don't take the things that come out of his mouth to heart? He has admitted that he is sick enough to go into rehab, so to expect him to be speaking any kind of sense before that happens is a recipe for unhappiness.

Hang in there, hon.

Greenbug

For 2 years,

Mystical, at some point you need to pretend you're giving your best friend advice, then take it!.

Sit down set a time line, and some guidelines of what are you willing to do and what your not. Stand your ground, you ARE worth it. You did nothing do have this kind of grief, I think its admirable you stick by him but it sounds like he needs some "tough love" He needs to get RIGHT or get left!

MYSTICAL

thats true but sometimes its hard and its funny this time of the year he goes off the rails sober or drunk i dont know what it is
it was easier to handle when he was drunk but now hes sober i tolerate less
problem is his livers stuffed and hes only got about 5 years so i forgot about me and tried to help him more ... its hard but im learning to deal with it all and trying to help myself and i think thats hard for him to deal with so he lashes out on my family because it annoys me
im making know excuses for him but i think he needs professional help and so does he thus back to rehab

MYSTICAL

greenbug its funny you say that i did do it but with his illness i stopped when i started to care for myself again it put him right off and i started to hear the same old stories

Greenbug

He illness does not account for his actions towards you, The biggest part of balance in any relationship is boundaries!
This might be too personal but what's the big picture with him? I mean where are you going with this.
I am just saying he should be accountable for his own actions, He made the decision to drink and now there is a price to pay.
I dont see where your part in this is to be miserable and unhappy.

I hope all goes well in the rehab for him, I guess I am just missing the big picture, the light at the end of the tunnel, quality rather then quantity.

God Bless!

~GB

Beautiful

My RAH was a dry drunk for the first 7 years of our marriage. Since he wasn't "drinking" then I didn't see the problem but it started AS SOON as we returned from our honeymoon. He was a flat out bastard and that is what brought me here to SR. The same things were said to me when RAH went back to AA. For me, it was either AA or divorce him. Just because they attend AA doesn't mean they're in recovery. It may take more time for him to take responsibility for his own actions and stop blaming you. It took my RAH 10 months and me standing up to him like a steel wall of boundaries before that started to change. Our Dr told me that 6 months into a recovery program is still considered "new." I would decide for yourself what is acceptable behavior from him and what is not. The truth is, the only person who will enforce your boundaries is you. As an addict, he has more on his plate than meets the eye.

Good luck!

MYSTICAL

ok so can somebody tell me what type of boundaries should be set
im not sure im doing it right as im only new to this