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Married to a drunk in denial!

Old 09-14-2005, 07:14 PM
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Exclamation Married to a drunk in denial!

I pulled myself out of a marriage to an alcoholic who stayed sober for six years. He sponsored people. He and I went to meetings together and I learned so much. I'm not an alcoholic, never liked the feeling of alcohol, must be too much of a control freak to let myself feel that kind of loss of control. Anyway, after six years he picked up again and stayed out there since 1997, so he's gone. I got myself away from him in 1999. In 2001 I got back with my first husband who was a perfect husband. We married 1969, divorced 1979 (my fault, joined a cult, was very young). Didn't take very long to realize that he's an alcoholic. We separated, then got back together. We go back to 1967 and this is really hard for me. I have a 12-year-old that saw her own father drunk enough and doesn't need this. My present husband won't own his alcoholism, except for when he's drunk and is soooo sorry and will get help. After two days, like clockwork, he goes back into denial. I can't put my daughter through this and I'm scared. I have a phobia about being around new people. I'm overweight and self-conscious. But I sure would love to talk with somebody who can help me, like a sponsor, somebody who's been there and done that. I ran away from the last one, but I feel too old and tired to go through it again.
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Old 09-14-2005, 07:30 PM
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JT
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Been there done that. First husband alchoholic, second husband alcoholic, son alcoholic, DIL heroin fatality. Just typing that makes me tired.

All I know after years of working the 12 steps is that it gave me my life back. My son is still an active alcoholic and so is my husband...of 24 years. I can't bring the DIL back and now we are helping to raise an amazing 8 year grandchild that was a gift from God.

This is your life...your one and only chance at it...and there was a day in my life when I made a choice that it was going to be all about me. I got up out of the chair, stopped fighting with the alcoholics in my life and got my own life in order. I deserved it and so do you. One choice, one decision at a time and you can have what you want!

What might that be?

Hugs,
JT
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Old 09-14-2005, 08:57 PM
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Jack
 
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Hi Jewgirl1952....I'm guessing you're 1 yr older than my sister who was born 5/53.
She was married 1st to a drunk and junkie. 2nd was a pilot for a major airline who had 7 pockets in his uniform, when he took off each pocket had a bottle of NyQuil in it.
She's now married to a lawyer who doesn't drink or smoke...anything.
It's your life and it's not a rehearsal. You and your 12 yr old are at a crossroads. Stay where you are and you know what the outcome will be. Make a change and you know it will be for the best. Try a trial separation. Maybe that will scare him enough to change. Like the reply before mine I've been there, done that and have the t shirt.
You absolutely can't subject your 12 year old to a life like you describe.
Your phobia about being around new people is probably cuz you're afraid they will see you for what you think you are. You're not...you are as good as anyone in the room. You came her looking for help...didn't you? You know what you have to do. DO IT!
God bless
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Old 09-15-2005, 06:44 AM
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Thank you so much for your encouragement. I think first thing I'm going to do is get into therapy with Sara. She's already in therapy (ADHD). I've been in therapy before and am on medication for depression & anxiety. I have what's called Borderline Personality Disorder and as a bonus, ADHD. The BPD is from extreme abuse as a child, it's a spin-off of Post-traumatic stress disorder. A main problem with having that is the inability to make decisions and follow through. BPD makes people act rashly, hurting themselves. So it's made me terrified to even move. I will get back into therapy to help me cope and I'm going to stay with you all for support. I had a long talk with my daughter Sara last night and she's got some extremely severe problems coping with school, socializing, kids teasing her and the list goes on. I've been focusing on my problems so long I haven't listened to her. OMG, I want to take Sara and crawl into a cocoon.
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