Update
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Update
But you'll have to be quick, it'll be gone in 24 hours.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...761#post644761
My ex's world has collapsed and in the process it has given me the closure I needed.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...761#post644761
My ex's world has collapsed and in the process it has given me the closure I needed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Ireland
Posts: 79
****************{Minnie - O-M-G !!!! }}}}}}}}
You have had a lucky escape. I know X owes you a lot of money - but at least you have your sanity and your life back !
Am still in shock from reading all that - what a piece of work
You have had a lucky escape. I know X owes you a lot of money - but at least you have your sanity and your life back !
Am still in shock from reading all that - what a piece of work
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
Oh Minnie! Wow..Wow..
Although I'm sure it was hard to hear some of the stuff Y disclosed, I'm glad it helped you get some more closure..
Now I understand why you feel it was all a lie..X sounds like a sociopath..
Glad you are ok and you are safe..
And thanks for posting this..helps me get some more understanding of my situation as well..
****************{Minnie}}}}}}}
Minx
Although I'm sure it was hard to hear some of the stuff Y disclosed, I'm glad it helped you get some more closure..
Now I understand why you feel it was all a lie..X sounds like a sociopath..
Glad you are ok and you are safe..
And thanks for posting this..helps me get some more understanding of my situation as well..
****************{Minnie}}}}}}}
Minx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Thanks guys.
Yes, I feel like I've had a lucky escape. The thing is - he IS an alcoholic, however there are obviously other things going on here. I see these kinds of behaviour, to a greater or lesser extent, on here every single day. I just wanted to post that as an illustration of how it can get when it goes to an extreme.
I can now know that his relationship with me was simply him working to a template and that none of the stuff that happened was personal. Which it's not, actually, if you're dealing with an A. Perhaps my HP saw that I needed a huge whack with the
Anyway, I'm exhausted now, which is always my mind's way of telling me that I have had a breakthrough. What a night to chair my first Al-anon meeting!
Thanks guys - love you all.
Yes, I feel like I've had a lucky escape. The thing is - he IS an alcoholic, however there are obviously other things going on here. I see these kinds of behaviour, to a greater or lesser extent, on here every single day. I just wanted to post that as an illustration of how it can get when it goes to an extreme.
I can now know that his relationship with me was simply him working to a template and that none of the stuff that happened was personal. Which it's not, actually, if you're dealing with an A. Perhaps my HP saw that I needed a huge whack with the
Anyway, I'm exhausted now, which is always my mind's way of telling me that I have had a breakthrough. What a night to chair my first Al-anon meeting!
Thanks guys - love you all.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
AY YI YI!! 
When I emailed my xabf's ex wife, I was hoping to get out of her some info that would help me about him, but it didn't work.
It's a shock to find out all that he's been doing, isn't it? Taking her to the same places you two went and buying her the same gifts. Not telling her about his ex wives? (plural)
It sounds like she's really hurting now. Best she finds out now then later. She threw his PC in the bath tub?..........lol............that's one way "to skin a cat", huh?
It's sad cuz there's her daughter and his son that's involved, too. The kids always pay the most.
How are you feeling, Minnie? This has got to bring back up some painful stuff.
When I emailed my xabf's ex wife, I was hoping to get out of her some info that would help me about him, but it didn't work.
It's a shock to find out all that he's been doing, isn't it? Taking her to the same places you two went and buying her the same gifts. Not telling her about his ex wives? (plural)
It sounds like she's really hurting now. Best she finds out now then later. She threw his PC in the bath tub?..........lol............that's one way "to skin a cat", huh?
It's sad cuz there's her daughter and his son that's involved, too. The kids always pay the most.
How are you feeling, Minnie? This has got to bring back up some painful stuff.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Feeling pretty shaken up and emotionally whacked. I'm off out to a meeting now, but I'll post more when I can get my head round it all a bit more.
I have a funny feeling that my experience might shine some light on that of others. Alcohol is very often used as self-medication for all kinds of disorders and I'm sure many of us are dealing with the problems of the DISORDER, not just the alcohol.
I have a funny feeling that my experience might shine some light on that of others. Alcohol is very often used as self-medication for all kinds of disorders and I'm sure many of us are dealing with the problems of the DISORDER, not just the alcohol.
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
Originally Posted by minnie
I have a funny feeling that my experience might shine some light on that of others. Alcohol is very often used as self-medication for all kinds of disorders and I'm sure many of us are dealing with the problems of the DISORDER, not just the alcohol.
2dayisanewday
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 43
Wow, to read this stuff is just appauling. Unbelievable how someone can totally play people for a fool like that.
Good for you to gather up your strength and move on. I am sure you have your good/bad days just like anyone else ending a relationship. That is good to keep some of those psycho letters cuz it helps to look back and think, this is the nutcase I was dealing with, rather then getting sad and remembering the nice things he did, said, etc.
Chin up hon.
Good for you to gather up your strength and move on. I am sure you have your good/bad days just like anyone else ending a relationship. That is good to keep some of those psycho letters cuz it helps to look back and think, this is the nutcase I was dealing with, rather then getting sad and remembering the nice things he did, said, etc.
Chin up hon.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Thanks guys. Had a great meeting tonight - I'm glad I went even though I was knackered.
Look what I remembered - http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=39081
Seems I guessed something was amiss a long time ago.
Look what I remembered - http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=39081
Seems I guessed something was amiss a long time ago.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
oh,minnie that is just hectic!!! but i am so glad she found that stuff--for her and you!! she gets to get out before it gets even worse,especially emotionally,for her...and you get to validate that leaving him was sooooooooo right, that you werent asking for more than he could give you or you deserve,that you werent the one with the problem,well etc etc etc!!! i hope all the time that my ex's new woman comes home to find him doing himself to porn in front of the computer when he could have been with her!! or realizes it was in reality,his choice not to see his son for the past five + years, or be embarrassed because he is really mean to a sweet young waitress, and so much more.............and to have her tell ME about it, well that would just be sweet!!! ive never written to her, cuz i feel at this point she will just think im nuts and i want him back,plus for all i know she could be an a herself...
i am happy for you that you have gotten this validation and closure. i think it will help you immensely. and bless that girl, for forgetting her pride and admitting to you what she found and is now going thru.
i am happy for you that you have gotten this validation and closure. i think it will help you immensely. and bless that girl, for forgetting her pride and admitting to you what she found and is now going thru.
Last edited by sunshinebluesky; 09-13-2005 at 03:52 PM. Reason: typo
Ugh!
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Enchanted Elmoland
Posts: 180
Minnie,
You have a heart of gold! I have such a hard time believing there are people out there like that. I pray with the wisdom and light you have shinned on the situation that she gets out quickly.
Ugh, I shall now say the Lord's Prayer to protect us all! Focusing on the deliver us from evil part... I do think it is incredible that you two started this line of communication, and wonder what are the symptoms of a sociopath?! Think we all need to know this stuff...
Huge Hugs,
~FaithChaser
You have a heart of gold! I have such a hard time believing there are people out there like that. I pray with the wisdom and light you have shinned on the situation that she gets out quickly.
Ugh, I shall now say the Lord's Prayer to protect us all! Focusing on the deliver us from evil part... I do think it is incredible that you two started this line of communication, and wonder what are the symptoms of a sociopath?! Think we all need to know this stuff...
Huge Hugs,
~FaithChaser
Ugh!
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Enchanted Elmoland
Posts: 180
Here I found them: btw, I'm not name calling here, just thought all of us should know what the charactoristics are so we are aware...
Glibness/superficial charm.
Grandiose sense of self-worth.
Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
Pathological lying
Conning/manipulative
Lack of remorse or guilt
Shallow affect
Callous/lack of empathy
Parasitic lifestyle
Poor behavioral controls
Promiscuous sexual behavior
Early behavior problems
Lack of realistic, long-term plans
Impulsivity
Irresponsibility
Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
Many short-term marital relationships
Juvenile delinquency
Revocation of conditional release
Criminal versatility (Hare, 1986)
(Narcissism also a characteristic)
"It must be remembered that even the most severely and obviously disabled psychopath presents a technical appearance of sanity, often with high intellectual capacities and not infrequently succeeds in business or professional activities for short periods, some for considerable periods .Although they occasionally appear on casual inspection as successful members of the community, as able lawyers, executive or physicians, they do not, it seems, succeed in the sense of finding satisfaction of fulfillment in their own accomplishments. Nor do they, when the full story is known, appear to find this in an ordinary activity."
Glibness/superficial charm.
Grandiose sense of self-worth.
Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
Pathological lying
Conning/manipulative
Lack of remorse or guilt
Shallow affect
Callous/lack of empathy
Parasitic lifestyle
Poor behavioral controls
Promiscuous sexual behavior
Early behavior problems
Lack of realistic, long-term plans
Impulsivity
Irresponsibility
Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
Many short-term marital relationships
Juvenile delinquency
Revocation of conditional release
Criminal versatility (Hare, 1986)
(Narcissism also a characteristic)
"It must be remembered that even the most severely and obviously disabled psychopath presents a technical appearance of sanity, often with high intellectual capacities and not infrequently succeeds in business or professional activities for short periods, some for considerable periods .Although they occasionally appear on casual inspection as successful members of the community, as able lawyers, executive or physicians, they do not, it seems, succeed in the sense of finding satisfaction of fulfillment in their own accomplishments. Nor do they, when the full story is known, appear to find this in an ordinary activity."
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
OH Minnie, WOW! Reading that exchange was actually very theraputic to me as well. Thank you so much for allowing us to read it. Though our situations may not be identical I am sure that I could easily have the same type of exchange with my XABF's wife but she blames me so I doubt I will ever have that chance and I'm not really sure I'd want to. The few times I did speak to her were hard enough. You are in a different "place" I think than she is. But having a look into you X's ability to manipulate makes me really understand that it is entirely possible that mine could easily have been doing the same thing to both me and her. I never could fathom how it was possible with her and actually still can't imagine how he could string her along but I know how he did it to me and that too seems impossible to imagine when I really look at it from an outsiders perspective.
GAWD they are so sick aren't they!?? It really makes me sad and mad to read how so many people are so hurt by this disease!!! AHHHHH what low life scumbags!! And they know it too, as my x put it last night he feels like a bulldozer, I should have agreed with him but I'm still a codie and didn't want to hurt him. He was obviously looking for sympathy.
JUST SICK. But thanks again. I'll pray for you and her.
GAWD they are so sick aren't they!?? It really makes me sad and mad to read how so many people are so hurt by this disease!!! AHHHHH what low life scumbags!! And they know it too, as my x put it last night he feels like a bulldozer, I should have agreed with him but I'm still a codie and didn't want to hurt him. He was obviously looking for sympathy.
JUST SICK. But thanks again. I'll pray for you and her.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Thanks again, guys.
FC - at the risk of diagnosing as a layman, I would lean towards Antisocial Personality Disorder (sociopath), rather than Borderline. Interesting that I came so close a year ago.
I found this on the net today (I am such a research freak!)
Personality Disorders Found in Those Who Abuse Drugs, Alcohol
TUESDAY, April 6 (HealthDayNews) -- People with drug and alcohol use disorders are more likely than other people to have personality disorders.
That's the conclusion of a U.S. National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism study in the April issue of the journal Archives of General Psychiatry .
Researchers examined data collected as part of the 2001-2002 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions. They found that among people with a current alcohol use disorder, 28.6 percent had at least one personality disorder. Among people with a current drug use disorder, 47.7 percent had at least one personality disorder.
People with alcohol use disorders were nearly five times more likely to have antisocial personality disorder or histrionic personality disorder, and were three times more likely to have a dependant personality disorder. People with a drug use disorder were 11 times more likely to have antisocial personality disorder and dependent personality disorder, and eight times more likely to have histrionic personality disorder.
The study also found that associations between obsessive-compulsive, histrionic, schizoid, and antisocial personality disorders and specific alcohol and drug abuse disorders were much stronger among women, while the association between dependent personality disorder and drug dependence was much greater among men.
"The co-occurrence of PDs with alcohol and drug use disorders is pervasive in the U.S. population. Results highlight the need for further research on the underlying structure of these disorders and the treatment implications of these disorders when comorbid (when they occur together)," the study authors said in a prepared statement.
More information
The U.S. National Institute on Drug Abuse has more about drug abuse and drug addiction .
SOURCE: JAMA/Archives journals, news release, April 5, 2004
Copyright © 2004 ScoutNews, LLC. All rights reserved.
So, I think it would be remiss of all of us here to think that alcoholism is THE "disease", when in actual fact, the problems are much wider.
Food for thought, eh?
FC - at the risk of diagnosing as a layman, I would lean towards Antisocial Personality Disorder (sociopath), rather than Borderline. Interesting that I came so close a year ago.
I found this on the net today (I am such a research freak!)
Personality Disorders Found in Those Who Abuse Drugs, Alcohol
TUESDAY, April 6 (HealthDayNews) -- People with drug and alcohol use disorders are more likely than other people to have personality disorders.
That's the conclusion of a U.S. National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism study in the April issue of the journal Archives of General Psychiatry .
Researchers examined data collected as part of the 2001-2002 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions. They found that among people with a current alcohol use disorder, 28.6 percent had at least one personality disorder. Among people with a current drug use disorder, 47.7 percent had at least one personality disorder.
People with alcohol use disorders were nearly five times more likely to have antisocial personality disorder or histrionic personality disorder, and were three times more likely to have a dependant personality disorder. People with a drug use disorder were 11 times more likely to have antisocial personality disorder and dependent personality disorder, and eight times more likely to have histrionic personality disorder.
The study also found that associations between obsessive-compulsive, histrionic, schizoid, and antisocial personality disorders and specific alcohol and drug abuse disorders were much stronger among women, while the association between dependent personality disorder and drug dependence was much greater among men.
"The co-occurrence of PDs with alcohol and drug use disorders is pervasive in the U.S. population. Results highlight the need for further research on the underlying structure of these disorders and the treatment implications of these disorders when comorbid (when they occur together)," the study authors said in a prepared statement.
More information
The U.S. National Institute on Drug Abuse has more about drug abuse and drug addiction .
SOURCE: JAMA/Archives journals, news release, April 5, 2004
Copyright © 2004 ScoutNews, LLC. All rights reserved.
So, I think it would be remiss of all of us here to think that alcoholism is THE "disease", when in actual fact, the problems are much wider.
Food for thought, eh?
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