Is it me?????
Fantastic Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 176
Is it me?????
Well I was "liking" my time with the A...now he calls me 3++ times a day. I am finding I am not as thrilled to hear his voice. He has admited that he has hid things from and lied to me while he was drinking. Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk did I really need to know that! I am sure it is part of recovery, but I feel "weird" now. I am taking a miserable stance with him...I told him he must make me the most valued, cherished and important person in his life. I am sticking it to him and I know it....is the supressed anger? For years it was his kids...kids..kids!
We are having dinner tomorrow...all week it has been come over..lets have lunch, dinner a movie etc etc. How can I get through to this man...he better take it easy! I have said just those words..........but he is not listeing to me!
Is it me..............have I been so alone while he was drinking that I can't be with anyone?
Thinking of moving to mars.............. : )
Love Kittywas
We are having dinner tomorrow...all week it has been come over..lets have lunch, dinner a movie etc etc. How can I get through to this man...he better take it easy! I have said just those words..........but he is not listeing to me!
Is it me..............have I been so alone while he was drinking that I can't be with anyone?
Thinking of moving to mars.............. : )
Love Kittywas
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Kitty
Remember the dance called "The Hokey Pokey"?...and remember the part "You stickyour head in, you stick your head out, you stick your head back in and shake it all about...you do the hokey pokey and spin yourself about..."
Well I think that is to be added to the codependent's dance card, along with the "pretzel dance" where we get all twisted out of shape.
Sometimes we just can't decide...we want them clean, but when they get clean they still drive us nuts, and what we used to blame on drugs is really their personality problem.
This would be a good time to slow down and take your time. Set boundaries that work for you and decide what you want out of this relationship. What works for you? And then give it time to see if it is working.
******{Kitty}}}} - Enjoy your freedom to choose.
Remember the dance called "The Hokey Pokey"?...and remember the part "You stickyour head in, you stick your head out, you stick your head back in and shake it all about...you do the hokey pokey and spin yourself about..."
Well I think that is to be added to the codependent's dance card, along with the "pretzel dance" where we get all twisted out of shape.
Sometimes we just can't decide...we want them clean, but when they get clean they still drive us nuts, and what we used to blame on drugs is really their personality problem.
This would be a good time to slow down and take your time. Set boundaries that work for you and decide what you want out of this relationship. What works for you? And then give it time to see if it is working.
******{Kitty}}}} - Enjoy your freedom to choose.
Paused
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Climbing outa da Black Hole
Posts: 146
Kitty,
When my A was newly recovering he started doing the same thing to me. Just smothering me. All of a sudden I had Mr. Wonderful, which was nice in the beginning, then got sickening! I started lashing out at him, I had so much anger from all the sh#t he had put us thru, I just wanted to hurt him as badly as he hurt me. And him being nice & wonderful was a good time to get him, maybe to see how far I could push, how much he's really working on recovery, or if it was all a bunch of bs. All of a sudden everything was wonderful with him, and here he's telling me to just "let go". You've been hurt & it is ok to feel that anger. Maybe expressing the hurt and anger will help you be able to be done with it once and for all. My A told me that he had to stay on me & smother me because he was scared to death he would lose me forever. I used to tell him that I was not his Higher Power! His sponsor even told him that!
But as MG said, this is part of the roller coaster. It actually phased it self out with us in time. Trying to start setting boundaries during this time helped me. And I flat out told him that I need time to work MY recovery. I would not be able to come back into a relationship until I was ready & felt stronger, and have been able to deal with the hurt. All he was doing was pushing me further away. I know what you mean about them not listening. In one ear & out the other. Take care of yourself, listen to yourself and do what you need to do for you!
When my A was newly recovering he started doing the same thing to me. Just smothering me. All of a sudden I had Mr. Wonderful, which was nice in the beginning, then got sickening! I started lashing out at him, I had so much anger from all the sh#t he had put us thru, I just wanted to hurt him as badly as he hurt me. And him being nice & wonderful was a good time to get him, maybe to see how far I could push, how much he's really working on recovery, or if it was all a bunch of bs. All of a sudden everything was wonderful with him, and here he's telling me to just "let go". You've been hurt & it is ok to feel that anger. Maybe expressing the hurt and anger will help you be able to be done with it once and for all. My A told me that he had to stay on me & smother me because he was scared to death he would lose me forever. I used to tell him that I was not his Higher Power! His sponsor even told him that!
But as MG said, this is part of the roller coaster. It actually phased it self out with us in time. Trying to start setting boundaries during this time helped me. And I flat out told him that I need time to work MY recovery. I would not be able to come back into a relationship until I was ready & felt stronger, and have been able to deal with the hurt. All he was doing was pushing me further away. I know what you mean about them not listening. In one ear & out the other. Take care of yourself, listen to yourself and do what you need to do for you!
Fantastic Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 176
Gypsymom, Anns, JT, MG....DITTO......that is exactly what is happening here! He is trying to counsel me! YIKES!
I did tell him NO...to everything this week...last night he was calling and calling...go dinner or come over...and the more he asked the crazier I felt! I am setting my boundries...really trying.
I told him we have a dinner date tonight( SAT) stop pushing me!
It is amazing to me that he can really think I can just wipe out my brain full of @#$%&*()_ and go on. He says he understands that can't happen ....but I don't beleive a word of that BS!
I think even with all of these recovery programs he should be in personall counselling.
Maybe I should be locked up too : )
Hope you are all enjoying the Turkey process...I am cleaning , gathering up all the junk to put on this soire....it is now when ask myself WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY did I invite 25 people!
Love Kitty"the turkey"
I did tell him NO...to everything this week...last night he was calling and calling...go dinner or come over...and the more he asked the crazier I felt! I am setting my boundries...really trying.
I told him we have a dinner date tonight( SAT) stop pushing me!
It is amazing to me that he can really think I can just wipe out my brain full of @#$%&*()_ and go on. He says he understands that can't happen ....but I don't beleive a word of that BS!
I think even with all of these recovery programs he should be in personall counselling.
Maybe I should be locked up too : )
Hope you are all enjoying the Turkey process...I am cleaning , gathering up all the junk to put on this soire....it is now when ask myself WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY did I invite 25 people!
Love Kitty"the turkey"
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: North America
Posts: 362
Kitty,
I just wanted to add I think your being very firm in what you want, and that takes a world of strength. Hang in there..keep those boundries strong and you can't loose. Your an inspiration!
Love ya!
I just wanted to add I think your being very firm in what you want, and that takes a world of strength. Hang in there..keep those boundries strong and you can't loose. Your an inspiration!
Love ya!
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