Mr. Christian

Has any body seen "the alcoholic speaks to his family",
online that I can send to a friend?

FaithChaser

Hope this is legal... and what you are looking for!


An Alcoholic Speaks To The Family*
* from the Al-Anon pamphlet “3 Views of Al-Anon” order number P-15
I am an alcoholic. I need your help.
Don't lecture, blame or scold me. You wouldn't be angry at me for having TB or diabetes.
Alcoholism is a disease, too.
Don't pour out my liquor; it's just a waste because I can always find ways of getting more.
Don't let me provoke your anger. If you attack me verbally or physically you will only confirm
my bad opinion of myself. I hate myself enough already.
Don't let your love and anxiety for me lead you into doing what I ought to do for myself. If you
assume my responsibilities, you make my failure to assume them permanent. My sense of guilt
will be increased, and you will feel resentful.
Don't accept my promises. I'll promise anything to get off the hook. But the nature of my illness
prevents me from keeping my promises, even though I mean them at the time.
Don't make empty threats. Once you have made a decision, stick to it.
Don't believe everything I tell you; it may be a lie. Denial of reality is a symptom of my illness.
Moreover, I'm likely to lose respect for those I can fool too easily.
Don't let me take advantage of you or exploit you in any way. Love cannot exist for long
without the dimension of justice.
Don't cover up for me or try in any way to spare me the consequences of my drinking. Don't lie
for me, pay my bills, or meet my obligations. It may avert or reduce the very crisis that would
prompt me to seek help. I can continue to deny that I have a drinking problem as long as you
provide an automatic escape from the consequences of my drinking.
Above all, DO learn all you can about alcoholism and your role in relation to me. Go to open
AA meetings when you can. Attend Al-Anon meetings regularly, read the literature and keep in
touch with Al-Anon members. They're the people who can help you see the whole situation
clearly.
I love you.
Your Alcoholic.

Hugs
~FaithChaser

Mr. Christian

Thank You !

FriendofBill

dakoda,

The gist of the letter is to understand the alcoholics thinking so we can change our behavior in a better way to deal with this disease.

It sounds like you just prefer to stay angry.

Anger and resentment are luxuries of other people. Not me.

cwohio

i didn't take the words that way at all - i take it as fact - that is their story plain and simple, sad maybe, but true!

Mr. Christian

Well the reason I needed this was to send off with a new comers packet to my wife's husband before me.
We had talked about Alanon for him and his son since he knew I was going.

I think one thing we all have to do is get past anger because it does not bring serenity if we harbor it.
There seems to be enough anger and resentment in the alcoholic for all of us.
I think the teachings of Alanon kind of state this also.

Bitterness seems to breed hate and unhappiness.

FriendofBill

anger is like any emotion, to be felt and processed. When it comes out inappropriately, it hurts, not just others, but ourselves.

Have you thought of anger mangagment courses? There are spiritual ones, not the ones ordered thru court etc.

Or, a sponsor can help take you thru the steps as it relates to anger. There are so many people who cannot even beging to feel their anger, much less process it.

Its kinda like a food processor...you put your anger it in,,,,churn it around, indentify it, process it and release it. Good luck

cloudy

You're ok Dakota, it IS a process. I also took a while to get 'angry' which is different than resentment etc. And yes it can be an absolutely positive catalyst for change. I remember the day my counselor said, hey I hear some good positive anger here. It's a process, I have much to say on this but my brain is fried right now. I have to go lay down. In the meantime just know I get what you're saying. And you're ok.

I do so love that letter though, I know what you mean about that one line. The rest is great though. I really like it a lot. I've read it before but it slips away so it's nice to see it again.

Hey Mr. C., really cool of you to share that with the other loved ones in the situation

Savana 54

I too, understand what your saying Dakoda. And I don't think you meant it with any conviction or anger. You've been through a lot. Sometimes certain things jump out at us differently then they do other people. Everyone expresses their opinions differently.

Hugs,
Savana