MYSTICAL

HI
My A-H is coming up to two year sobriety but hes gone mad this last two weeks
it seems that anything i do or say makes him cranky i cant win
i tried to go to alanon meeting but i work shift and the ones available are very small and im not comfortable
his sobriety was going well until he finished his hep c treatment and we found out it didnt work the dr told him he has 5 yrs before he needs a new liver
I can understand its upsetting as it is for me too
but im having problems dealing with his aggression and verbal abuse for no reason
we agued two days ago and he took off told his sponser to ring me and tell me he went interstate but he lied about where he went
He says he will not come home till i find help
we have two children 15 and 11
how do i deal with it and how can i help myself to be less resentful

splendra

((Mystical)))

Welcome to Sober Recovery. You probably do need to talk to someone and get some stuff off your chest. Meetings are good. There is a book out called "Co_Dependent No More" By: Melody Beattie and it goes into great detail on what people do who live with people who have addiction problems.

I am sure you are trying to take care of your H and your family as best as you can. We tend to forget ourselves and not take care of ourselves so this is one thing you might want to look into....take care of yourself. It sounds simple and it is but, sometimes we need a little push in that direction. Take care and keep writing to us...

bikewench

Hey Mystical...

warm welcome to Sober Recovery...

the disease of codependancy is very crazy making... and when the consequences of this disease enter the picture,... it takes it off the scale...

understanding addiction and how it effects the family and spouses will go a long way to helping you cope with the things going on...

Splenda mentioned a great book... and all the forum boards have sticky posts at the top full of information around all aspects of codependancy and the resulting chaos...

Make yourself at home.. ;o)

MYSTICAL

thanks for the reply
where do i get the book from?

bikewench

you can probably order it online.. Amazon ... try your local bookstores... used books as well..

this book is huge..

Zoey

Two years sounds good, he should have a good toe hold on recovery, but he is probably thinking what is the use, as has a bad liver.
He may very well want the comfort and oblivion from alcohol.
I so hope he has a sponser.

I would like to also suggest the book "Under the Influence" by James R. Milam and Katherine Ketcham. There too, your library will have ,or can barrow for you. I feel one should buy it, so can underline and or highlight. Bit hard to concentrate on but worth it.
This book gives us a better understanding of how they became an A, and how hard for them to get good sobriety. (just so no violence).
IMO, would be nice to get to Al-Anon, for you so have face to face people and get a sponser, maybe just keep going and soon you will fit.

I got interupted here, so maybe I have repeated what others might have written,.
Wecome to SR. Keep coming back, and remember to take what you can use and leave the rest. Love clancy46

Cynay

Welcome to SR!

Im sorry your struggling but Congrads to your H on his 2 years.

I remember the first time one of the people in my ex-abf's group of AA friends suggested strongly to me that I needed to get into Al-anon I wanted to slap her right across the face. I did not have the problem he did and he was the one that distroyed our relationship... well its true that was his part of it.... but I finally ended up going to Al-anon (got a butt woppin from God) and I cant tell you how much that has changed my views, lifestyle, opinions, and helped me to understand. If you can I would get to meetings and work the steps.... or try counceling/therphy (sorry cant spell). I cant imagine how you get through this disease with out help.

Take care of you and keep coming back!

MYSTICAL

Thanks for the advice everyone its seems ive a lot to learn I thought i was doing well till now but i can see im a rescuer now and i too need help to cope with the situation my AH has done well he used to drug as well and is a diabetic and suffers from depression and he deserves a good pat on the back
but even though hes stopped drinking he still acts like an A

i have supported him through all but as i said i think now i need to help myself so i too can grow

ill get the books and keep on this sight and try to find a good meeting so ill be happier
its amazing by just reading things on this site i feel better
and my children are just perfect and i should be very happy so i need to work on it
thanks

nocellphone

Welcome to SR, Mystical...

I heard you mention that you aren't comfortable in the smaller Al-Anon meetings, but you don't sound comfortable in the relationship you described, either.

When I've got the flu, I take the medicine I need whether I enjoy taking it or not, 'cos it's what will help me heal.

I hope you'll give meetings another try (or six...). I've consistently found that there is hope and help available in those rooms, even when I don't feel comfortable.

MYSTICAL

IVE been to a meeting and im feeling much better

thanks

nocellphone

That was quick!!!

I honor you for the courage it must've taken to walk through that door...

As I hope someone said in that meeting, Keep Coming Back!

cwohio

great that you got to a meeting mystical - the more you have under your belt - the more you'll understand what a wonderful program it is!

MYSTICAL

yes they told me to come back and i will
i took my 15yr old son with me for support so i cheated a bit but i got there in the end just needed someone to tell me to do it.
my RAH came back today after being gone for 4 days he hasnt spoken to me yet but ive learnt already that he needs to deal with what hes done and im not going to rescue him or blame him for what hes done but ill stay calm and not be the monster he made me into
hope it works
today im happy for what i have