feelingnumb

Hi everyone,
My husband is addicted to drugs and alcohol. I knew he drank when we met.
He works in a nightclub and it is the accepted norm.
His disease has finally taken over.
He stayed out all night and left me with our 2 small children 4 and 21/2.
We have no family in our area and I am a stay at home mom and part time college student. He is the full financial support.
He is no longer living here in our home but with a cousin who has been sober now for 10 years. I hope and pray he is in the right place.
I read, read, read on the subject and am trying to detach to provide my children and myself a life without his destruction. I've given up the pleading, yelling and screaming. I sent him an email saying he could no longer be part of our lives until he had taken steps to recovery.
He called to speak with our children the other night and I let him. My question that I'm hoping someone could help me with is.....Do I let him visit with them? He said he will continue to provide financial support, and is not physically abusive to us. Any suggestions from anyone?

susane1408

Hi there, welcome to SR
So sorry you're in this situation, especially with kiddies involved.
I'm sure there are members here who can relate to you, things get slow here sometimes.
Please stick around and get comfy; do some more reading here and you'll find some useful advice.
Take care

escape artist

YES let him see HIS children!!!! You can set the boundaries (not drunk or high) but please don't let the children lose their dad. Just because he is an addict does not mean that he isn't a wonderful loving person also and his kids love him and need his love as well. (((((feelingnumb))))) this will get better and the more love we have in our lives the better. children have unconditional love to give and i think that is one thing an addict definitely needs to have in their life. keep posting, read the stickies at the top and let us know how it goes. God Be With You and Yours!!

feelingnumb

Hi Catherine,
It's not that I am trying to keep him away from them out of spite. He was asked to move out (which he did) 3 weeks ago and I let him see them whenever he wanted. Then last weekend he pulled another Houdini act.
I thought that maybe him not being able to be with his children would push him to that "bottom" because evidently not living at home didn't do it.
I know he is missing them and them him, but where is the line drawn? I don't think that being an alcoholic and drug addict constitutes being a good father.
He just went to the Dr. yesterday and is trying Revia to curb the craving for alcohol.
Only time will tell..
I did take everyone's advice here though, he is meeting us at the Fair tomorrow!

Thanks all!

lulu70

Hey there. I just posted about a similar situation. I was looking around here to see if others had the same issue and saw your post. My daughters father and I were never married which helps a little bit, but I am a recovering alcoholic with only a little over a year and a half clean and sober which makes things a bit more complicated. I know what you are going through, though. I have decided my daughter cannot spend unsupervised time with her father until I see some serious action to get help on his part. My problem is that I don't know what sort of expectations are reasonable.

Anyway, I guess I don't have any great advice for you, but I wanted to let you know you are not alone!

feelingnumb

Hi Laura,
Thanks for the support. Yes, I'm kinda leaning towards "you can visit, but while I'm around" kinda thing. We don't have any family here so I'm the only supervision possible.
We did go to the fair yesterday, but I have so much anger still towards him that whenever he tries to hug me etc. I pull away.
He tells me that things between us won't get any better unless I get over this anger.
Funny thing was while he was with us I STILL took care of everything. After the fair I bathed them, read to them and he just stood around. Just like always.
How come he gets to screw up, then get an emotional charge of them while I'm stuck holding the fort together? UNFAIR.
How old are you're children? Do they have any idea what's going on? I've noticed in my own kids alot of waking up with bad dreams over the past month.
Kimberly