mezing1

I am an addict who lives with my alcoholic/addict sister who is in recovery also, and her three children and her son's girlfriend. My nephew is 18, his girlfriend is 17, and my two nieces are 14 and 6. This past week, my 14 year old niece received a ticket for underage drinking. She was at a friend's house with about ten other teenagers and they were all drinking and a neighbor called the police. She claims this was only the second time she ever drank (which I don't believe), and what is scary to me is that she hadn't been drinking for very long that night and blew a .08 on a breathalizer. Worse yet is the fact that the older kids and their friends bring alcohol into the house with their friends and drink downstairs in their bedrooms. Last night when I was leaving for work, one of my nephews friends was knocking on the front door. I opened the door for him to come in and he walked in carrying two big bottles of alcohol. I told him alcohol is not allowed in this house and he went to put it back in his car and then I went and told my sister. What is frustrating to me is that my sister says she does not allow alcohol or drugs in this house, yet there are numerous occassions I know of when there was alcohol and marijuana brought in and used in the house. She is doing well in her recovery and so am I right now and it makes me mad that she doesn't put her foot down and put a stop to this!! The other issue for me is that I am on probation and my probation officer can do a home visit whenever she feels like it. If she were to come in the house and want to walk through and saw alcohol ANYWHERE, I would go to jail even if it had nothing to do with me. My main frustrations are that my niece and nephew have learned nothing from what their mother and I have been through and that they are drinking and getting high at all, and also that they would be so disrespectful of my sister and I and either bring the stuff in the house themselves or allow their friends too. Does anyone have any suggestions?

mezing1

Yes, I have to live with my sister right now for financial reasons. And to be 100% honest, I am not sure I would move out even if I were financially able to because I am also a huge caretaker and feel so much responsibility for my sister. That is one of my issues that I am working on with a counselor and at some point hope to get past that. I know I can't work her program for her and she can't work mine, but I do worry a lot about how she would handle everything here if I were to move out. Mostly, I try not to think about that too much though because it is not even financially possible at this point so why borrow trouble from tomorrow when it is not even here yet?

Pick-a-name

Continued success on your recovery!

Have you talked to your sister about this? Especially the concerns over your parole conditions? If you haven't; perhaps you should and then the two of you sit down with her kids and explain the seriousness of that aspect, as well as your health concerns.

As for talking to the other parents; you could, but I would not expect much to come from it.........they may either not know or many unfortunately, may not care. I have seen so many of my high school age kids' parents with substance abuse problems themselves........truthfully, that is often why there is an empty house for the kids to go to party...the adults are out somewhere themselves getting their own buzz.

As for "why" the kids haven't learned from your mistakes................that is always a mystery; what makes me think this is genetically influenced. Welcome to the family disease of alcoholism. I am going to make a wild guess here, but I would think, at least between you and your sister...one of you could have seen the handwriting on the wall with the other , and still continued to use/abuse yourself? If that was the case, it would not be surprising............sad, but true.

My A/H is in denial still..........from a long line of "heavy drinkers" (translate that alcoholics), but is just not conceeding some of THEM might have had a problem....but of course, that is as far as it goes.........and they can all always find "reasons" why one of them "has to drink" like they do.

Good ,good luck to you.........sounds like you are a very positive influence in these lives.

(Have they been to any open meetings? Just curious.........sometimes it is also a condition of being charged with underage drinking...at least in our town. We have a judge who likes to push manditory meetings, esp to juvenilles, so they are at least introduced to the program of AA.)

mezing1

Thanks for your response. No, the kids have not been to any meetings. The 18-year old got an underage drinking ticket during the summer and was never ordered to go to any so I don't think the 14-year old will be either. I wish it was something mandatory in my town so at least they would be more aware of the help available should they choose to seek it. I have talked with my sister about all of this and although she agrees with me that it can't continue, I never see her do anything to prevent it from happening. Her teenagers both like to swear a lot and can have some serious attitude problems and I think my sister thinks she has enough to deal with already and doesn't want to face those attitude problems or deal with them. It is easier for her to put it on the back burner. She also wants to be a "cool" mom and I explained to her that this is one area it is not worth being what the kids might consider cool! I even told her that I would sit down and talk to the kids with her, as well as with their friends that regularly come to the house and she said it sounded like a good idea but doesn't seem able or willing to follow through on it. I feel strongly enough about it though that I am not going to stop bringing it up to both her and the kids.

Pick-a-name

Tough position. Although I do understand how it feels; maybe if she is not opposed (ask her 1st) you could talk to them yourself and ask for their help...that it not only could be harmful to their mother's heath (and yours), parole violation is a serious consideration. Perhaps they are unaware of the risk they are also putting you and their mother at; esp. at their young age. JMHO

Best of luck to you......your sister is certainly lucky to have you there..they are,too!

Zoey

It would be my thougt that for the sake of your sobriety you really need to be away from this.
Might you call the line for "Women in chris"?? At least talk to them in case you need to get out. They can help with finding jobs, etc. etc.
Sometimes we need to save ourselves so later we can be of help. You can't do anything in jail. Do you have a sponser in AA??? Bring it up at a meeting and see what they say.
Just my 2 cents. I cannot share my solution as never been there, done that.
Hope you find some answers. clancy46