vacation for me but sad
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
vacation for me but sad
Tomorrow I'll be leaving for a week long break to the northwoods. 300 miles will separate me from my xabf. So why am I so sad? Well my b-day is also next week, this will be the longest true separation from him (since I still see him at work), his baby is due any moment now and I'll be with my parents who really don't know what I'm going through. When I think of all the things wieghing so heavily on my mind it's no mystery why I've been a bit crabby at work and with friends and family. I wonder if I am becoming bitter. I've never been the sweetest girl around but I've always felt I have a kind heart. But geez lately I can't help but be sarcastic. It's almost like I'm turning into xabf with his potty mouth and oh so sharp and witty insults.
Anyway this is a much needed break but part of me is dreading it. I planned this vacation knowing his baby was due this week. I figured I'd not be able to handle being around for it. I just hope I can enjoy myself around my family. I also will not be able to go on the net and read and write to you all. I'll have no TV, no phone, no xabf, no drama. But I will have the beautiful woods and water, my sketchbook, camera, lots of reading material and my very cool family and my mom's little dog. It's going to be good but right now I almost feel like bailing and just staying here on the couch. Why would I want to deny myself peace and freedom? Just to be close to an xabf and his twisted life? I know that should be a question for everyday of my life not just on the eve of a vacation. Just feeling kinda sorry for myself today.
My co-workers celebrated my b-day today and I just couldn't wait to get home and cry. xabf aked me why were doing it today cuz of course he did not remember me telling him I had vacation he was probably drunk when I told him (dumb me, what was I thinking) well then he added "happy birthday". I know I shouldn't care what he thinks but I was so glad that he got to see that someone remembers me! That the world and my world doesn't revolve around him. And I'm so grateful that his baby did not come early because now I am guessing that I'll surely miss seeing any kind of celebration at work.
so yes I really need 300 miles of detachment. I look forward to coming back here next weekend.
hugs, sketscher
Anyway this is a much needed break but part of me is dreading it. I planned this vacation knowing his baby was due this week. I figured I'd not be able to handle being around for it. I just hope I can enjoy myself around my family. I also will not be able to go on the net and read and write to you all. I'll have no TV, no phone, no xabf, no drama. But I will have the beautiful woods and water, my sketchbook, camera, lots of reading material and my very cool family and my mom's little dog. It's going to be good but right now I almost feel like bailing and just staying here on the couch. Why would I want to deny myself peace and freedom? Just to be close to an xabf and his twisted life? I know that should be a question for everyday of my life not just on the eve of a vacation. Just feeling kinda sorry for myself today.
My co-workers celebrated my b-day today and I just couldn't wait to get home and cry. xabf aked me why were doing it today cuz of course he did not remember me telling him I had vacation he was probably drunk when I told him (dumb me, what was I thinking) well then he added "happy birthday". I know I shouldn't care what he thinks but I was so glad that he got to see that someone remembers me! That the world and my world doesn't revolve around him. And I'm so grateful that his baby did not come early because now I am guessing that I'll surely miss seeing any kind of celebration at work.
so yes I really need 300 miles of detachment. I look forward to coming back here next weekend.
hugs, sketscher
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((sketscher)))
It sounds like the change will do you good girl. You are God's girl now and He has much better plans for you than your xb/f. Meditate upon gentleness be gentle with yourself. Listen to God hear the wind call your name and let the sun kiss your face enjoy being unplugged from the maddness. When you are going with God you are only alone when you want to be and then you won't be lonely cause you will be with you.
I don't think I could have ever recovered had I not had time with God and alone to hear my real thoughts. I see a lot of potiental for healing the place sounds like a place where I would want to go to heal. For what it is worth you are taking a part of me there with you cause it sounds like my ideal place. Let's do have fun and be creative being creative is my favorite part of what you said.
It sounds like the change will do you good girl. You are God's girl now and He has much better plans for you than your xb/f. Meditate upon gentleness be gentle with yourself. Listen to God hear the wind call your name and let the sun kiss your face enjoy being unplugged from the maddness. When you are going with God you are only alone when you want to be and then you won't be lonely cause you will be with you.
I don't think I could have ever recovered had I not had time with God and alone to hear my real thoughts. I see a lot of potiental for healing the place sounds like a place where I would want to go to heal. For what it is worth you are taking a part of me there with you cause it sounds like my ideal place. Let's do have fun and be creative being creative is my favorite part of what you said.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
It really is a wonderful place Splendra. What you said is helping me to look forward to it. I think I'll be able to do a great deal of healing up there. Part of me was afraid of being only with me and my thoughts but just thinking of the tranquility is making me happy already. God has given me the gift of creativity and right now that has been the best thing to come out of this whole mess. I've emersed myself in my art. I'm hoping one day I can look back on this time and be able to say it spawned the start of my most important work. One day I'll post one of my paintings one here if I can figure out how to.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: The burbs, Maryland
Posts: 130
I firmly believe a change of scenery will do wonders. Sounds like a wonderful, peaceful trip you have planned. I'm just beginning this journey myself so all I can say is have fun and have peace.
brdlvr
brdlvr
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