Change4life

I decided if I were to have any chance of recovery I shouod come clean with my family. We live in different states so they have been unaware of the severity of my addictions. I finally decided to come clean in the hopes that they would give me the support I have been lacking in my search for recovery. I have been ana addict for many years and no one ever addressed the situation. Now that i asked for hlp my family has shut down, they are angry and I am now not allowed to see my niece, or nephew. I don't understand, and they don't understand. I have finally decided to try and change, but everyone is acting like this is a new issue, and I should get over it . What the hell is going on?? Throughout all my years of addiction I never asked anyone for anything. I am trying to get clean, and I still haven't asked anyone for anything, except some support through the sickness.. apparently they are above people like me. I am an addict I am sick what can I say. I came here to visit so I would be away from alll the drugs Now I have become more obsessed with getting high than I ever thought I could Imagine. I may leave early so I can get high, I am freaked out. Lynn, i dont know if you will see this thread, but I want you to know I love you, and I am sorry...............

lulu70

(((((((((((bfree)))))))))))))) I am so sorry your family is not being supportive to you, but please don't use them as an excuse to go back to drugs. You have no control over what they do, think, or say, but you do have control over the way you react to them. I know it doesn't make recovery any easier, but it does not make it impossible. It took my family a LONG time to get over all the hurt I had caused them and I am still working on establishing trust. You are not your family...... I hope you will decide to hang in there and give yourself a chance.......

Hugs--

Anna

Hi Bfree,

I'm sorry your family is not supporting you, but it's very hard for people who are not addicts to understand how hard we struggle. That's why coming to SR is such a good thing. My husband and kids were totally frustrated with me by the time I decided to quit drinking and all they wanted was for me to stop. They didn't want to talk about it or deal with it. Of course, I respected their feelings. Befree, you can do this, whether or not your family is behind you.

Love, Anna

bikewench

bfree.....

please... don't let what your family is doing push you into using...

It's time to live for yourself Free...

Time to get well for yourself..... not go in the other direction...

Yes... maybe it is time to leave... but not us...

them


Come on Free...
Stay with us...
We'll be your family... that loves and supports you...

Phinneas

I learned that my family of origin was NOT the place to get support in my recovery. The the support I get in my recovery comes from other recovering addicts and alcoholics - here at SR and especially in the rooms of AA. I am learning a new way of life from people who have been there and who have gone before me. Those are the people whom I call my family today, for they gave me love and support and the tools to be clean and sober one day at a time.

It always, always, always comes down to me. Nothing external - family, jobs, money, politics or the weather can make me drink or use today. I don't have to, even if I want to. That's what recovery is.... the tools and support to make a fundemental change within one day at a time.

Recovery is available. Recovery works. We do recover.

--phinny

Mandybabes

Although I believe my family would be supportive, I just can't get past the disappointment this would cause them. I don't want my niece and nephew (grown) to know that Antie Mare is a drunk. So I guess I better stop being one and won't have to worry. Someone once said here, if you don't lie, you don't have to worry about what you said. Same is true for drinking on the sly, I guess. Or thinking you are anyway.

CAPTAINZING2000

THIS IS SO SAD.


Maybe, if there was a little more love in the family, none of us would have turned to drugs.

My family knows I'm in recovery. Several of my family has been in AA and NA as well.
Any one in here that's got a family that helps them thru this be thankful to God.

If, you don't get support at home, I've gotten a lot of support at meetings and on here.

We are all in this together

hugs

Chris

wantneeda

hi befree4u,
i like your user name, and really thats what recovery is all about, being free for YOU!
not your family. I totally know how you feel. I've been there and actually still am. Some call it tough love. Your family doesn't understand the nature of addiction. They are probably thinking of the stigma attached to it, drunk or high and laying in an alley somewhere....
I remember my dad saying to me...i just don't understand it. Meanwhile he is an alcoholic and smokes and sells pot...
I have been out of treatment since november. No one in my family came to see me for the 5 1/2 months i was in there. And I think i've seen one of my sisters maybe twice since november.
My dad won't return my calls. I haven't seen or spoke to him in at least a year.
i still must stay clean and sober for ME. or nothing else falls into place. I must work on my tolerance and patience, and above all else acceptance.
Maybe my family will come around and then again maybe not.
time takes time
if i put anything before my recovery i will lose it
i resented my family for many reasons besides not being there when i really thought i needed them. I have to accept that i have no control over others. I can only work on changing myself.
SR is a huge part of my family today. And AA
without them i'd surely be out there in that hell or dead
I can't control what others think of me and i can't let it bring me down. one of my favorite lines today is take the T off of CAN'T. i CAN stay sober for me! I know how hard i've worked to get and stay clean and sober. It's what i think of myself that matters bottom line. And resentments are my number 1 offender. I have to forgive myslef and my family for what they don't understand. Life and recovery is a journey not a destination.
Trudge on my friend. It gets better.
hugs, Wendy

candy39

My husband is an addict. The reason why I don't contact or speak to him is because for 3 years I have done all that I could to help him and I ended up stressed the **** out!!! We leave and have no contact because we "family" have to do what is best for us. WE were drowning trying to save you. We leave for our own sake and sanity. Now it's time to be there for your own self and trust your HP to pick you up and keep you up or your fellow recovering addicts. Just like when you were using, it's nothing personal with us. As a matter of fact, we still love you very very much but loving you in the past was destroying us. We had to let you go, but when we see that you have it together, we'll come back but it takes "TIME""

wantneeda

oh yeah, i forgot to mention....
expectations lead to disappointments,,,

Change4life

Right now I just don't know what to do with myself. I shouldn't blame my sister in-law for wanting to protect her children, from the family drunk. My mom is doing the best she can, but she has her own issues, my dad passed away after a long horrible battle with cancer, we are all still trying to get over that. No one wants to be bothered with anymore emotional crap. I can't deal wih his death, I can't deal with my life. I don't know why I should expect anything from the family they have never really been there for me, or maybe I shut them out, I am not sure. All I know is that I am hurt and very upset, and I want to be high, but I don't want to be high. I want to be alive, but I don't want to be alive, but I don't want to be dead either. I feel dead inside, but I am still breathing. I want to give up, but I can't give up. Thanks for all the support, I will try to stay focused on me not them. Right now I admit I am not well emotionally, or physically. I would like to say I will stay clean today, but it is too late. I am already drinking. I guess maybe my family is right, i will never change. God I hate myself, I hate this disease. I just hate everything right now.

bikewench

Free....

easy there gurl....

just cause you took a drink don't mean your shyte...

I know you feel overwhelmed right now... and don't know which way to go...
But.. I'm just sooo glad your sticking around...
cause this is where truth lives... and honesty... and love... and understanding...

Sometimes I feel just like you do...
can't go forward... can't go back...
feet dangling over that big black chasm... one tentative grip on life... one tentative grip on my past ways of trying to cope...

sometimes it's minute by minute...

the thing is... if you just let go... you'll never realize the true person you were meant to be Free....
she's in there... I can feel her...

please... whatever you do.. don't stop talking to us... okay...??

Change4life

I live no where near my family, they wouldn't know I was an addict if I hadn't told them. I am 44 and still in college. always on the deans list, and a hard worker. I could see if I had been causing them grief for years, that they might be skeptical, but I never bother them for anything. Even when I got arrested last year I didn't call them, I chose to stay behind bars over contacting them. I have been trying to protect them and their feelings. It took a lot for me to admit to them where I am at. I don't want anything from them, except a small amount of understanding. I have never stressed them out, and they were never drowning to save me. They should not have turned there backs!!! I am angry!

wantneeda

it's ok to be angry.
i'm proud of you for being honest, be proud of yourself
you can, you can, you can
tell yourself...you can!!!
i'm doing the "can can" right along with you befree
don't beat yourself up
don't concern yourself with others
be still in the moment
you're going to be ok, tell yourself that
more hugs, Wendy

bikewench

You bet...
you be angry... !!!

as angry as you are...
and don't be afraid to cry..

I know it hurts big time when the family feels like their across the river from one... and they aint' sending the boat anytime soon...
I'm like you Free... I could be writing all your posts...
even today... I struggle so much with wanting their approval and understanding...
what I know though is that they are still in their disease of codependancy...and they are still stuck in the old ways of relating.... with expectations... demands...conditional love.. yadda yadda yadda....

It takes guts to do what you did all alone... so.. don't sell yourself short...
but.. dont' also throw everything away just cause they let you down one more time...

you stick with the winners... cause your one...

Change4life

Thanks bikewench!!! I am crying, been doing a lot of that lately.
I am not a winner......
Just one big loser looking to join a winning team.
I think the winning team might be here @ SR
I love you all!!

shockozulu

Repeating this post because it is worth repeating. You are a winner who has helped me a lot.

I consider myself so lucky I have someone in my family who does understand. It was the same person who cared enough about me to try 'tough love'.

As she said the other night (this was painful but I needed to hear it)
"I love Alera my sister, I hate Alera the stoner"

BeFree4u. You typed your name in. Now do it! Be free for yourself!

Change4life

Alera I am just curious to know how I have helped you? I am so f'd up. How could I be helping anyone, maybe if I knew that I would feel less useless

bikewench

That's right...

You be free for you...

this is our journey Free...
and you are part of a winning thing... just like the rest of us broken people...
we'll put the pieces back ...together ... okay..??

Change4life

I am a prisoner behind the invisible walls of addiction. I might have to change my screen name bfree doesn't quite fit right now