Still bribing the kids
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Still bribing the kids
My Mom used to tell me when I was little....5 or 6 years old, that because I wasn't the same religion as most of the kids in my neighborhood, their parents wouldn't let them play with me. So, I'd tell the kids, "if you play with me, I'll give you some cookies".
When I got older and would get hurt by this person or that, she'd tell me "Ruthie, you're still bribing the kids with cookies".
I always take things so personally. When someone says something that isn't very nice, I take it to heart when really it's their problem, it speaks more about them then it does about me.
How I stop doing that......I'm not too sure. I know my self worth has never been the best and therefore was always over sensitive, but I would surely love to get passed that point to where when some one does or says something mean to me, I can let it go and chalk it up to being something they're feeling and not own their mean actions/words.
When I got older and would get hurt by this person or that, she'd tell me "Ruthie, you're still bribing the kids with cookies".
I always take things so personally. When someone says something that isn't very nice, I take it to heart when really it's their problem, it speaks more about them then it does about me.
How I stop doing that......I'm not too sure. I know my self worth has never been the best and therefore was always over sensitive, but I would surely love to get passed that point to where when some one does or says something mean to me, I can let it go and chalk it up to being something they're feeling and not own their mean actions/words.
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
It takes time gf. Here are some of things that I have learned and repeat to myself when needed:
1. Think to myself, man, dude or dudette, you got some problems.
2. Action: excuse yourself, better yet, say you do not have the right to speak to me that way and walk away. That is a very good one and can prevent re-occurences.
3. Either think or tell them: in my view everyone has an opinion, however they are not all equal, some are educated, informed and wise and others are not. Say this very matter of factly. They will know if you appreciated theirs you would have said thank you.
4. Say thank you, I have just learned something from you, I will never speak to anyone the way you are speaking to me. Walk away.
you can see I don't like giving the other person the occasion to retort or get in a spitting contest....I project that I am above that. (I'm really not, I can slice, dice and autopsy a person with my mouth, speaking calmly and deliberately, but I try not to do that unless extreme measures require it and still then I never raise my voice or insult)
Okay, then there is who the hell are you to take my inventory (or judge me). Walk away calmly.
if not back to ..you do not have the right.....
or the tried and true, you seem to have problems, I will pray for you. Walk away calmly.
Sometimes you can walk away calmly shaking your head as if to say...wow that was a crazy one.
Then there are the not so nice ones. Think or say it: You remind me of a fly, you eat **** and bother people.
Bug off!
Who invited your opinion?
Did I ask you?
walk away, walk away, walk away. That really shows you will not tolerate it. If they want to talk to you it will have to be respectful.
If someone is going to be offended, better you than me. (thought)
or there is using the shock factor: I will not tolerate your abuse towards me, whether in words or action. SAID. walk. Being called abusive will usually shock them.
Nice: I do not participate in non-constructive interaction. walk.
WAlK, even if it is at work where you cannot leave, you can go to the ladies room.
Man I am full of them. Learned them all the hard way. But it is all about having respect for myself. And boudaries that do not allow for anyone to disrepect me.
I have some mean ones too?
Think: geez, what a **** for brains.
Other tactic that is disarming is to smile when you have to say some of this things.
It sends a mixed signal and confuses them. (called crazy-making, I think.) I know you are a psychologist and will understand the implications of these things.
I also use and entertain fantasies when I am offended. All aimed at diminishing the person who has hurt me. etc.
Probably there are going to come along with others who have more wisdom and tact.
But all this and more really works for me.
In fact I am working on the ideation of one now that has me totally ticked off. And I am probably going to do it. In fact, I know I will.
And for laughs, I am of Indian heritage, my dad taught me how to cover a body with sand, release ants and cover you with honey.
Some of my friends exchange our twisted and deviant fantasies. I learn new ones all the time. They make me laugh.
hugs,
live
1. Think to myself, man, dude or dudette, you got some problems.
2. Action: excuse yourself, better yet, say you do not have the right to speak to me that way and walk away. That is a very good one and can prevent re-occurences.
3. Either think or tell them: in my view everyone has an opinion, however they are not all equal, some are educated, informed and wise and others are not. Say this very matter of factly. They will know if you appreciated theirs you would have said thank you.
4. Say thank you, I have just learned something from you, I will never speak to anyone the way you are speaking to me. Walk away.
you can see I don't like giving the other person the occasion to retort or get in a spitting contest....I project that I am above that. (I'm really not, I can slice, dice and autopsy a person with my mouth, speaking calmly and deliberately, but I try not to do that unless extreme measures require it and still then I never raise my voice or insult)
Okay, then there is who the hell are you to take my inventory (or judge me). Walk away calmly.
if not back to ..you do not have the right.....
or the tried and true, you seem to have problems, I will pray for you. Walk away calmly.
Sometimes you can walk away calmly shaking your head as if to say...wow that was a crazy one.
Then there are the not so nice ones. Think or say it: You remind me of a fly, you eat **** and bother people.
Bug off!
Who invited your opinion?
Did I ask you?
walk away, walk away, walk away. That really shows you will not tolerate it. If they want to talk to you it will have to be respectful.
If someone is going to be offended, better you than me. (thought)
or there is using the shock factor: I will not tolerate your abuse towards me, whether in words or action. SAID. walk. Being called abusive will usually shock them.
Nice: I do not participate in non-constructive interaction. walk.
WAlK, even if it is at work where you cannot leave, you can go to the ladies room.
Man I am full of them. Learned them all the hard way. But it is all about having respect for myself. And boudaries that do not allow for anyone to disrepect me.
I have some mean ones too?
Think: geez, what a **** for brains.
Other tactic that is disarming is to smile when you have to say some of this things.
It sends a mixed signal and confuses them. (called crazy-making, I think.) I know you are a psychologist and will understand the implications of these things.
I also use and entertain fantasies when I am offended. All aimed at diminishing the person who has hurt me. etc.
Probably there are going to come along with others who have more wisdom and tact.
But all this and more really works for me.
In fact I am working on the ideation of one now that has me totally ticked off. And I am probably going to do it. In fact, I know I will.
And for laughs, I am of Indian heritage, my dad taught me how to cover a body with sand, release ants and cover you with honey.
Some of my friends exchange our twisted and deviant fantasies. I learn new ones all the time. They make me laugh.
hugs,
live
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
This might help - it's an extract from "co-dependent no more"
"We don't have to take little things personally either. If someone has a bad day or gets angry, don't assume it has something to do with you. It may or may not have something to do with you. If it does, you'll find out. Usually things have far less to do with us than we think.
An interruption, someone else's bad mood, sharp tongue, bad day, negative thoughts, problems, or active alcoholism does not have to run or ruin our lives, our day, or even an hour of our day. If people don't want to be with us or act healthily, it is not a reflection on our self-worth. It reflects on their present circumstances. By practicing detachment we can lessen our destructive reactions to the world around us. Separate yourself from things. Leave things alone, and let people be who they are."
I have learned to put in a pause before I respond to someone who is mean or nasty, rather than react immediately. That way, the situation doesn't spiral out of control. Live has some great ideas for responses which are a means of setting boundaries. We decide how we want to be treated and if other people can't respect that, then they have no place in my life. Their loss.
"We don't have to take little things personally either. If someone has a bad day or gets angry, don't assume it has something to do with you. It may or may not have something to do with you. If it does, you'll find out. Usually things have far less to do with us than we think.
An interruption, someone else's bad mood, sharp tongue, bad day, negative thoughts, problems, or active alcoholism does not have to run or ruin our lives, our day, or even an hour of our day. If people don't want to be with us or act healthily, it is not a reflection on our self-worth. It reflects on their present circumstances. By practicing detachment we can lessen our destructive reactions to the world around us. Separate yourself from things. Leave things alone, and let people be who they are."
I have learned to put in a pause before I respond to someone who is mean or nasty, rather than react immediately. That way, the situation doesn't spiral out of control. Live has some great ideas for responses which are a means of setting boundaries. We decide how we want to be treated and if other people can't respect that, then they have no place in my life. Their loss.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
..........lol............ 
This thread turned out to be really funny! Thanks, Live!!
MAN, those are some things that I'd love to say to people and have, actually. But, some people always seem to get fueled by that and come back atcha with more attempts to hurt you.
I'm thinking of one individual specifically in the youth that I volunteer with. I've known him for 3 years now and he's a very dark kind of person. He's a Christian, but BOY HOWDY can he sling out some shyte! Everything is everybody else's fault with him. "How can you judge people like that?" and then turns around and rips them in half.
No offense to anybody on this....I promise! I'm a faithful person in God and sometimes I find it harder to work with Christians then I do non-Christians. They tend to judge much quicker than others and that's so wrong. It puts off alot of people from Christianity because of that. It just shows that we're not perfect.
That's just an example. It's not all about Christians, it's about people in general and don't wanna imply it's just one set group. Co-workers can say some pretty crappy stuff. Family can say some pretty mean things.
The thing is....for once in my life, I'm really seeing this and wanting to do something about it and that's a good step. Not one I've really took the time to really think about and work on, but now's as good as a time as any.
Thanks, guys! All of ya! I love ya and Live.......I'm gonna print out those responses and say them out loud all day long!
People might think I've gone bonkers walking around saying them,..........ah, but who cares, right?
"Think to myself, man, dude or dudette, you got some problems"!.......lol.......
This thread turned out to be really funny! Thanks, Live!!MAN, those are some things that I'd love to say to people and have, actually. But, some people always seem to get fueled by that and come back atcha with more attempts to hurt you.
I'm thinking of one individual specifically in the youth that I volunteer with. I've known him for 3 years now and he's a very dark kind of person. He's a Christian, but BOY HOWDY can he sling out some shyte! Everything is everybody else's fault with him. "How can you judge people like that?" and then turns around and rips them in half.
No offense to anybody on this....I promise! I'm a faithful person in God and sometimes I find it harder to work with Christians then I do non-Christians. They tend to judge much quicker than others and that's so wrong. It puts off alot of people from Christianity because of that. It just shows that we're not perfect.
That's just an example. It's not all about Christians, it's about people in general and don't wanna imply it's just one set group. Co-workers can say some pretty crappy stuff. Family can say some pretty mean things.
The thing is....for once in my life, I'm really seeing this and wanting to do something about it and that's a good step. Not one I've really took the time to really think about and work on, but now's as good as a time as any.
Thanks, guys! All of ya! I love ya and Live.......I'm gonna print out those responses and say them out loud all day long!
People might think I've gone bonkers walking around saying them,..........ah, but who cares, right?"Think to myself, man, dude or dudette, you got some problems"!.......lol.......
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Anaheim,CA
Posts: 549
I have a girlfriend who is also a deputy sheriff. Her favorite line: "Look deep into my eyes, tell me, how many give-a-sh**ts do you see?" It's very effective. 
Me? I'm a walk-awayer but I quietly admire those who can speak up.
Me? I'm a walk-awayer but I quietly admire those who can speak up.
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Loved livweyerd list, Thanks gal!
Sooo wish I could say some of those things, but I am a devout wimp. I just avoid those people, as I think, "that hurt, but thats what you intended". I am out of here.
I feel the nasty ones will just get meaner.
Just went through it with a neighbor, I tried to be kind, be a good example, etc. etc.
Didn't work. Her goal in life is to find fault with everyone and everything. I was warned about her, but thought I could set a good example. Wasted my time and set myself up.
Girlfriend , I bet we will do it again. Old habits die hard.
Sooo wish I could say some of those things, but I am a devout wimp. I just avoid those people, as I think, "that hurt, but thats what you intended". I am out of here.
I feel the nasty ones will just get meaner.
Just went through it with a neighbor, I tried to be kind, be a good example, etc. etc.
Didn't work. Her goal in life is to find fault with everyone and everything. I was warned about her, but thought I could set a good example. Wasted my time and set myself up.
Girlfriend , I bet we will do it again. Old habits die hard.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
I do not participate in non-constructive interaction. walk.
Other tactic that is disarming is to smile when you have to say some of this things.
It sends a mixed signal and confuses them. (called crazy-making, I think.)
Sometimes you can walk away calmly shaking your head as if to say...wow that was a crazy one
Very good Live, I use the above tactics you mentioned and they work most of the time. I have found that the people they do not work with are the people whom have no real agenda or objective, except to be hurtful. Those are the ones that get under my skin the most and warrant my stirred emotions the least.
One of my boundaries with my parents is that I will end the conversation when I want, and when I am no longer comfortable in the scene. This usually comes about 42 seconds after Hello. They will argue and say I am running away from the "problem" and I calmy reply, yes I am and the problem is you and i am leaving now.
Other tactic that is disarming is to smile when you have to say some of this things.
It sends a mixed signal and confuses them. (called crazy-making, I think.)
Sometimes you can walk away calmly shaking your head as if to say...wow that was a crazy one
Very good Live, I use the above tactics you mentioned and they work most of the time. I have found that the people they do not work with are the people whom have no real agenda or objective, except to be hurtful. Those are the ones that get under my skin the most and warrant my stirred emotions the least.
One of my boundaries with my parents is that I will end the conversation when I want, and when I am no longer comfortable in the scene. This usually comes about 42 seconds after Hello.
They will argue and say I am running away from the "problem" and I calmy reply, yes I am and the problem is you and i am leaving now.
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Everybody laughs their arses off when I am mad, except the one I am mad at.
Okay, for the dude gf has the most trouble with: You need to leave now. Walk. Open the door and hold it open.
Or, you do realize that everything you are saying is simply a reflection of you.
I am busy right now, but I still have an attitude so maybe later I will come back with more zingers.
At least we are laughing, right?
Okay, for the dude gf has the most trouble with: You need to leave now. Walk. Open the door and hold it open.
Or, you do realize that everything you are saying is simply a reflection of you.
I am busy right now, but I still have an attitude so maybe later I will come back with more zingers.
At least we are laughing, right?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
gf's ********:
to yourself or aloud if you dare
Sing:
Poor, poor pitiful me
I sit on the pity pot
even when I don't need to pee
And I think it's all your fault
'coz it just couldn't be me.
poor, poor pitiful me..
or sing that oldy but goody
everybody hates me
I think I'll eat a worm....
to yourself or aloud if you dare
Sing:
Poor, poor pitiful me
I sit on the pity pot
even when I don't need to pee
And I think it's all your fault
'coz it just couldn't be me.
poor, poor pitiful me..
or sing that oldy but goody
everybody hates me
I think I'll eat a worm....
too much on my plate!!
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
I love those comebacks live! Either I'm very passive and let it all go if someone gets snarky with me. OR I tend to go the opposite direction, and get very mean right back. I really want to find a middle ground to deal with people like this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Originally Posted by liveweyerd
gf's ********:
to yourself or aloud if you dare
Sing:
Poor, poor pitiful me
I sit on the pity pot
even when I don't need to pee
And I think it's all your fault
'coz it just couldn't be me.
poor, poor pitiful me..
or sing that oldy but goody
everybody hates me
I think I'll eat a worm....
to yourself or aloud if you dare
Sing:
Poor, poor pitiful me
I sit on the pity pot
even when I don't need to pee
And I think it's all your fault
'coz it just couldn't be me.
poor, poor pitiful me..
or sing that oldy but goody
everybody hates me
I think I'll eat a worm....
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHA! "even when I don't have to pee"
I could seriously see me doing that! Singing those songs to him. What's sick is his Mom defends him. He's 24, lives with Mom, has been going to college for what 6 years now and never works (the young man is about a good 450lbs. He's very overweight. His family isn't, so I'm thinking it's not a health related cause, but he's just a bully to everyone and she defends him) and stays on the computer all day long waiting for someone to come along to jump on.
There is this forum that we're all on. I'm part of the administration. Myself and two other young men wanted to put this up a year ago for others to post their band needs, gigs,....etc. The problem is the one guy of us 3 owns the board, made the rules which we all agreed on and doesn't stick to them. Like "no insulting others". I think he's intimidated by J....cuz we've had to ban him before and J threw a HUGE stink and let everybody know how we treated him "so unfairly" and that he was "NEVER coming back" to the board (the ban is for a certain amount of time and if the member feels that he/she can make ammends and not repeat the offense, they're let back on)...well, he did and was okay for awhile and then BAM, started in on one person at a time.
It's just a shame that one unhappy person like that can overpower a forum just cuz he's miserable and then he gets his Mommy on there as a member to post posts to defend him and chew out others that doesn't like the way her baby boy treats people.
Ay.......and there is SO much more important things in this world to focus on then him. Like the victims of the hurricane........that breaks my heart for those people!
So, yeah, Live.......I'm gonna be singin' "poor, poor, pitiful me" everytime I see him post a nasty post......REALLY LOUDLY!!! at the computer.
Hey! It's better to get out your anger that way then to go do something stupid like punch the guy out. (I don't think I could, tho, if I even wanted to. His Mom would prolly beat me up
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