Meyekell

I really don't know what its going to do to convince me that I am an addict to marijuana, I guess in my heart of hearts I know.

I went to an NA meetings and couldn't get myself in the door, and decided I would "give up" on recovery and myself. It just wasn't working, I would go to 3 meetings a day and still smoke weed when it was all over. So, in my given up state, I took a less than legal (i'm on probation) trip to see some of my old friends. None of whom were at all excited to see me. I went out drinking like old times, and sat in the corner by myself all kind of shadey, but this ended up being the last of my concerns.
By the end of the weekend I was left alone in my friends room, and after a huge contemplation I stole his weed. Now whats amazing about this is there was a stack of apprx. 300-500 dollars right next to a gram of bud. I took 20 for gas and the bag, left all the money; i'm not a theif by nature. Its just I can't find weed anymore.
I felt really bad, and apologized, but he didn't want to hear about it- threatened me and that was the end of it...
I really need help, and I don't know what to do. It seems like all the advice in the world won't sink in. People have told me to try researching county funded rehabs but I don't want a down in the dumps rehab... I don't want rehab at all. I just want to be like everyone else in the world who just stops wanting weed. It hasn't happened yet... and since I've been going to meetings its only gotten worse. Thanks
-meyekell

eddie z.

Who "just stops wanting" their drug of choice? I never heard of such a thing. I had to do some things to become free of the obsession to use. And it was more than just going to meetings. Rehab was a great start for me. But when I got out, I started going to meetings in my hometown AND doing what was suggested to me.

I got a sponsor, hung out with clean people, began doing service work, worked Steps, prayed, read, and so forth. I stopped going around old playmates and playgrounds and got rid of all drug-related material. Today I rarely even think about the dope. But it didn't happen overnight, even when I had "hit bottom," which for me was getting busted.

Take advantage of the difficulty you're having finding weed and STOP. Do you really want to go to prison? My suggestion is that you go to another meeting and actually share what's going on with you, get some phone numbers, and stick with the winners. I'll be thinking of you!!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

earlybird

Normal drinkers and people who dont have addictions to weed, can "just stop wanting it". They dont have a problem. WE DO. Never has there been an addict who "just stops" wanting it. NEVER. So dont beat yourself up for not experiencing that myth. You need to stop. You already know that. Its gotten you on probation, so thats legal trouble. Its gotten you to break the legal conditions OF that probation and now its lost you a friend because you stole from him. Ask yourself this question. Can I really see myself living like this for the rest of my life? Its just not rational. Its not reasonable. Its impossible for you to live life this way and NOT be miserable. More probation awaits you, thats for sure. More legal trouble. More loss of friends and even loss of family. Loss of respect from others as well as yourself,...and lots of depression. Sound good?

State funded treatment centers arent shady. I went to one. I didnt have insurance. (By the way,....most addicts and alcoholics DONT have insurance) The Treatment Center gets their money from the state. They still get paid. Just because its not coming out of your pocket doesnt mean the place is going to be shady or dirty. Those places HAVE to be up to certain inspection standards. Thats the law. The one I went to was spotless. And I owe a great deal of my motivation to stay sober to that place. I made friendships that will stay with me to my grave. It sounds to me like you dont want to go into a center because of the social status you feel it brings. Its like you admitting that you arent like everyone else. You arent. You are an addict. But there is no shame in that. As long as you are a recovering addict. The shameful addict is the one who should be getting help, but is still using. Thats the loser. Not the determined addicts who are making honest efforts to get clean and be an asset to the world instead of a liability. Do what you KNOW is right thing to do and get the help you need. You will feel the weight lift the minute you make the phone call. I AM NOT BULLSH*TTING YOU ON THAT. The second you hang up the phone after admitting yourself to a center, you will feel 50 times better about yourself and your cup will be half FULL for the first time in a loooong time. Trust me.

Irish Virus

I smoked pot like there was no tomorrow back in the day. Morning, noon, and night. I find it interesting that someone can be addicted to it as I had no problem whatsoever putting away the bong for good.

Maybe pot is like cigarettes a bit. I smoke 3 packs a day and there is no comparison to me physically between the two. Therefore I think you're problem is psychological rather than physical. If nothing works for you so far, maybe try a hypnotist in order to rid yourself of the desire to to toke on a joint. People have quit smoking cigs by hypnotism. If praying to a higher power isn't cutting it for you, maybe this approach will. Just an idea.

tyler

Wow, reading this post is like looking in the mirror at myself 8 months ago. I have done absolutely everything you mention, from knowing I have a problem and not wanting/being able to do anything about it, to stealing my "friends" weed, to blaming the meetings for things getting worse. It really sucks doesn't it??!! The question is, does it suck enough yet?? Only you can make the decision to quit. Rehab isn't going to do it for you, it can give you a jump start because you'll be clean for at least 28 days or so, but you still have to go back to the real world eventually. My first time in rehab, I made it about 3 weeks after I got out the second time not even a whole day. Same deal with meetings, they guarantee to keep you clean for an hour, the other 23 you are on your own! Well that is not totally true, if you truly use the resourses available to you at the meetings you dont' have to be on your own with this, but once again you have to want it enough to reach out for the help. For me personally, NA wasn't the way for me. I've been to well over 100 meetings, and while I learned alot at them and greatly respect the program for those it helps, it's just not for me. Everyone has to find what works for them, I use a hodgepodge of recovery methods and it works for me. The most important thing though, and this is true for any program, is that you have to want to do it. You have to make up your mind that pot just isn't an option for you. Look at what it is doing to you!! It's turned you into the worst kind of theif, not only did you steal, you stole from your so called friends. Is this what you really want out of your life??!! As they say in the rooms, "If nothing changes, nothing changes." I stole pot dozens of times from my "friends". They were afraid to see me coming around because it meant they were going to have to "smoke me up" and watch their stash too!! Nice rep, huh? It's gonna just keep getting worse until YOU make the CHOICE to do something about it. That choice is, YOU can not smoke pot. It is poison to you, it has turned you into a theif, not sure why you're on probation, but you are running the risk of going to jail too. Maybe that will be the wake up call you need. Sorry if I'm comming off harsh, but I have been through it all and I hate to see people choose that same road if there is anything I can say to help it. Don't know if this helped you in any way or not, I hope so. You can PM me anytime, I check my mail often and will help in any way I can. Take care.

Luckyv2

All I can say and I would like to say welcome to SR first and formost, but "It Takes What It Takes" You have to find your own bottom like the rest of us had to do. My bottom was the bottom of bottoms, Helpless, Homeless, and Hopeless, today I have a home I have hope, and I am not helpless (I hate when that happens LOL) but in all seriousness, this is a program for people who want it not for people who need it, I don't know if I really want it like they talk about but there is 51% of me that does today so here we go again. Good lucky to you and My thoughts are with you right now.

Love Vic

Chy

Most of us needed some sort of help in achieving those "wants", it's out there, your here and it's up to you. Salvation Army is a great organization you may want to check out and it's free if you can't afford it.