Just ONE thing I need help with...
Southern through and through
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Just ONE thing I need help with...
Hey Guys,
Maybe I should have made my subject "Just ONE thing I need help with....TONIGHT." Then I can add another thing tomorrow and another thing the next day and so on.....
I was just reading on here and saw where Anns wrote something about her son being in his 30's yet about 15 emotionally. Yes, I've been told the same thing....that our A's quit developing emotionally at the age they started drinking.
Ok, if that is the case, how in the world are we supposed to communicate in a rational manner with an adult, who wants to be treated like an adult, but isn't capable of behaving like one because of his emotional immaturity? This has really bugged me when trying to talk with my 20 year old daughter who wants to be treated SO responsibly, yet her behavior hasn't been anywhere NEAR responsible. Now she is seeking help and is willingly going to AA, so don't get me wrong. I AM THANKFUL FOR EVERY LITTLE THING THAT SHOWS SHE'S TRYING. But it is so frustrating when we are talking and I'm trying to get across something that is so 'common sense' to me and she comes back with her '15 year old' response.
Please, anyone have help on this $1,000,000 question?
Maybe I should have made my subject "Just ONE thing I need help with....TONIGHT." Then I can add another thing tomorrow and another thing the next day and so on.....
I was just reading on here and saw where Anns wrote something about her son being in his 30's yet about 15 emotionally. Yes, I've been told the same thing....that our A's quit developing emotionally at the age they started drinking.
Ok, if that is the case, how in the world are we supposed to communicate in a rational manner with an adult, who wants to be treated like an adult, but isn't capable of behaving like one because of his emotional immaturity? This has really bugged me when trying to talk with my 20 year old daughter who wants to be treated SO responsibly, yet her behavior hasn't been anywhere NEAR responsible. Now she is seeking help and is willingly going to AA, so don't get me wrong. I AM THANKFUL FOR EVERY LITTLE THING THAT SHOWS SHE'S TRYING. But it is so frustrating when we are talking and I'm trying to get across something that is so 'common sense' to me and she comes back with her '15 year old' response.
Please, anyone have help on this $1,000,000 question?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: North America
Posts: 362
Good Question, and if anyone knows the answer I'd like to know it too.
I remember hearing that statement shortly after coming to these boards at the first of this year. It made such good sense to me. It helped ease my guilt about not being able to "get through" to my now x-A.
It is so true though, in every aspect. It just shows how deteriorating this disease is.
Hang in there....
Love ya~
I remember hearing that statement shortly after coming to these boards at the first of this year. It made such good sense to me. It helped ease my guilt about not being able to "get through" to my now x-A.
It is so true though, in every aspect. It just shows how deteriorating this disease is.
Hang in there....
Love ya~
Paused
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 58
Well, I am not sure if this will help as my A is a 15 year old trapped in a 40 year olds body...
I have found that with him, especially if it is something major that is on the discussion table - I have to stay calm and rational... I cannot buy into his quacking and have to ignore the feathers that tend to fly out if he does not get his way... I usually walk away and try again later...
Our biggest issues are not the money or the bills as he is very
financially insecure even though for today we are ok - it is the house work and the upkeep on the house that is our biggest issue so, to keep my sanity, I remember and think back to when my parents would ask me to do something when I was mid teen and I remember how I wished they would have asked - and I seem to get a better response...
I do not as him if he can take out the trash - I know good and well he can! I ask if he would please take it out - and he does... for me I have to be specific...
If there is another way - I would love to hear it as this is draining on most days...
RedAPBT in Sunny CA
I have found that with him, especially if it is something major that is on the discussion table - I have to stay calm and rational... I cannot buy into his quacking and have to ignore the feathers that tend to fly out if he does not get his way... I usually walk away and try again later...
Our biggest issues are not the money or the bills as he is very
financially insecure even though for today we are ok - it is the house work and the upkeep on the house that is our biggest issue so, to keep my sanity, I remember and think back to when my parents would ask me to do something when I was mid teen and I remember how I wished they would have asked - and I seem to get a better response...
I do not as him if he can take out the trash - I know good and well he can! I ask if he would please take it out - and he does... for me I have to be specific...
If there is another way - I would love to hear it as this is draining on most days...
RedAPBT in Sunny CA
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