mightyant

I am interested in meetings in my area (greer sc). really anything. my girlfriend is a coccaine addict by injection. she keeps telling me she doesnt want to feel liek that anymore and then when she forgets she does it again because the only thing i could do to stop her is to physicaly restrain here or some crap. and of course thats not gonna work.

earlybird

Okay,........this is the truth. Im not just saying this. This is the ONLY WAY. Addicts and alcoholics can ONLY get sober if THEY want to. FOR THEM. Not for you, not for Mom and Dad, not for work, not for even their kids. IT MUST BE FOR THEM AND THEM ONLY. So it sounds to me like your girlfriend is going to continue until she hits her bottom. Her rock bottom. You cant always be there to physically restrain her. So naturally, when you arent restraining her, if she wants to use, she is going to use. She sounds too far gone to get sober without treatment. She needs inpatient intensive treatment. Their are state funded programs if she doesnt have insurance. Thats what I did. I didnt have any insurance and the state paid for my inpatient treatment for 30 days. But,...I went willingly. That is the biggest part. If you dumped me in their any earlier,.....I would have shown up on your doorstep having escaped. Holding her down or chaining her up or even knocking her out isnt going to stop her. Without the "want" to stop, the only other thing that will stop her using is her own death.

mightyant

yeah well, i know what your getting at but, what do i do just say ok go get high? its kinda hard, ive let her shoot up at my house for a week now.. if it wasnt here she would just be driving down the road doing it or something. and yeah its really bad, she cant go more then 30 minutes without it.

Catherine W.

Hi Mightyant -

It sounds like since you can't control her, then you need to get help for yourself or her problems may consume you and drag you down to the point where you can't do much for herself or yourself. Do you see a counselor or anything?

I understand wanting to protect her but by also enabling her behavior, you are hurting yourself. I don't know what to say other than maybe try an Alanon meeting for support. Even though it is for people who have a problem with an alcoholic in thier lives, I am sure any addiction will apply.

Take care of yourself and remember that there is a solution in any problem.

Catherine

earlybird

By giving her a place to shoot up, you are contributing to killing her!! If she wont get help,.....then you cannot be associated with her. Addicts and alcoholics need consequences for their using or else they see no problem. If she can get away with doing coke as much as she wants and you ALWAYS stick with her, she will NEVER quit. She needs to see that this is destroying her life, her future, and YES,....her relationships. The more you "put up" with it, the worse she will get. THAT IS NOT BULLSH*T !!! I am an addict. I speak from experience. Your situation is NOT a special one. Its no different than all the others. Keep up the enabling, and she WILL be dead in no time for sure anyways. Giving her a roof in which to do it under is no better than letting her go and do it while she drives or walks down the street,....it kills either way. Dont let her kill YOU too. You have a life. Nowhere does it say that you MUST put up with someone who OBVIOUSLY has a major substance abuse problem and wont get help to stop. I understand all too well that you love her. Believe me, I do. IF YOU LOVE HER TRUELY,....LET HER GO.

earlybird

The place that can give you a much needed answer to that question is Al-anon. They teach you how to deal with addicts and alcoholics that refuse to quit. Its seems right now, that you are doing the right thing by not just sending her out to the streets to shoot up, but Al-anon will show you that you're not. If you go to al-anon meetings, you WILL understand what to do finally. Trust me.

Catherine W.

As well, if she shoots up and dies or goes into a coma in your home, that will really take you down legally as well as emotionally. I agree that Al-anon seems like a must for you as soon as possible.

Here is something I read in my Alanon book, "Courage to Change" (pg. 203)

"When I let go of another person, I am affirming their right to live their own life, to make their own choices, and to grow as they experience the results of their own actions. A Higher Power exists for others as well. My obsessive interference disrupts not only my connection with them but also my connection with my own spiritual self."

earlybird

Amen