Catherine W.

Thanks for all the support from former Marijuana addicts. I have been having a really hard time with the withdrawals. In cleaning out my dwarers the other day, I found a joint and smoked it because it was there, I was sick of feeling the way I was feeling, and figured one last hurrah would not hurt. Well, it just reconfirmed that it does hurt and one more time, the come down and the toxic feelings came flooding back, including the guilt and self-hate.

I had some more hidden away that I had forgotten about (of course), but I ended up flushing it down the toilet.

So now it is day two again and I feel awful. There really is a withdrawal period to go through. I know I am beginning again to detoxify my body. I read there are over 400 chemicals in MJ that accumulate in the body and can take time to get out especially in chronic users like myself.

I also have more increased pain in areas so I am going to be mad if it turns out MJ was significantly helping my chronic pain issues. But as another sober friend of mine said, "Catherine, you have prescribed medication for that."

So this thing started in my head about maybe it is healthier that I just smoke instead of increase my pain med intake since I don't like taking pain meds and I don't abuse them for the fun of it. Now I will probably have to take more.

But then I had to grab hold of myself and say, "Wait! This is only day two again. Give it time!" I read that muscle aches can be part of withdawal and I have such a headache.

This is not easy is all, but it needs to be done. Even if it was helping with some of my pain, it was also making my Fibromyalgia pain a lot worse in the long run. I trust it will all settle out but one thing I know for sure is that I will at least know honestly how I really feel mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I am feeling really irritable again though.

But overall, I am looking forward to a legally clear head as much as possible so that I can more constructively deal with my problems. I think smoking pot has only been keeping me stuck in not finding the right solutions or being able to act on them if I do find them.

I know I will have a lot more energy and mental clarity and self-esteem finally.

Thank you so much for being here and I thought today, I am sure it has not been easy for anyone else on this board, but they did it. And so can I. I am happy for those who have found their way to the other side here and those who are still trying or beginning to recognize the problem.

There is no time like the present to decide you will not consider, one more time, paying the tab for your addictive indulgence later on. I know for me, this mentality assures I never will pay that tab and it will just acculumlate into even more horrible long-term consequences. I found this out the other day one more time. Don't want to go there again.

It caused a lot of self-loathing. Last night I was feeling bad because I it has taken me until I am 39 to decide I have a real problem that needs to stop.
I think one of the reasons I have not wanted to stop, is becausse I know deep inside, I will have to face the fact that things are better and why did I waste so much time being stoned?

On the other hand, I can see how the stresses of life got to me to get me to this point with addictive MJ use and that the person who will need my understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness the most, will be me.

Thanks,
Catherine

tyler

Don't beat yourself up too much about your "slip" Catherine. I had a similar experience after being clean for about 3 months. I figure just one won't hurt, same experience as you. It was right back to the constant cravings, irritablity, sleeping problems, urge to drink if I couldn't get more weed, etc. It was great progress that you flushed the rest of what you found! In some ways I think my "slip" was benificial to me because it was reenforcement that I can't do this "half way". The fact, whether I like it or not, is that I can't smoke pot, for whatever reason, it just messes up my mind. Sure there are others who can do it occasinally and be ok with it, but not me. That is just how it is, and my slip reaffirmed that to me. With the exception of that "slip" I've been clean for almost 6 months now and it is so much better. Keep it up, you will make it. Take care.

Closure

I too have FMS, and am on day 14 of detox... I've found that my pain level has actually gone DOWN with some time...! Give it a couple weeks. Maybe once you're out of the major WDs you too will find that your pain level is actually going down... You can do this! It's better this way, you'll see!

Catherine W.

Tyler - I had the same thought today. How about if I just drink to keep from sticking my head out the front door and screaming my head off or something? I had this awful headache and have slept most of the day away. So tired from everything but I know it will get better. Like yourself, I can't do this hal-way either. But I hoping I will be better off and not worse off without weed. I have always feared my depression but I think the withdrawals are probably the worst of this right now for a heavy user like me. Congrats on the 6 months! That is amazing and inspiring.

Closure - Thank you to someone who obviously knows the hell of FMS. I am also hoping I get more energy as I have the CFS that goes with it. No wonder, eh?
Marijuana actually began to make the Fibro pain worse in a wierd way so it had to go anyway, but today I feel other pain differently though I read that muscle aches, nausea, and headaches are not uncommon from detoxing as a heave user. Please keep us posted on how it goes!