Michelle37

Hi Everyone,
I thought perhaps I'd grab a little humility and post here in the newbie forum. Well, it's day 2 of my 14 day husband imposed house arrest...and I'm still sober and still here. Kurt's on the phone right now with the doctor that perscribed me the Oxy's...and he's basically told him now that I'm an addict and that he is NOT to give my that drug again. He has also phoned all the pharmacies close to our farm house and told them I'm an Oxy addict...so there won't be any more refills!! (I think he about took a heart attack yesterday when he phoned the one pharmacy that held my perscription, and found out I still had 120 in refills...LOL...needless to say, I don't have 120 in refills anymore...)
We had a really interesting moment this morning, because Kurt thought I had this perscription for a lot longer than I did...and given that he's done the detox thing with me before, he was ready to "taper down" the meds... So, he wakes up this morning and hands me an OXY!! LOL. I'm looking at this tiny little destructive pill, and I'm looking at my husband who I can just tell is dying from having to hand this over, and I said "Baby...I haven't taken them for over four days...and when I did...it was two. Two in nearly a year...I'm not going to go through withdrawal and I don't need this pill at all. I don't want to "taper off..." Just flush the darn things!!"
Kurt pretty well jumped on me to get the pill back, and then made me flush them down the toilet. I don't know what it takes to make him believe me that this relapse was only two pills...but I do know that giving him that pill back this morning and then flushing the bottle was a great start.
Diana, you said I should give that hubby of mine a big bear hug...well...consider it done!! I'm a blessed addict to have him in my life, regardless of the trust issues...he still loves me. And Diana, when you said "if we have nothing to hide, we hide nothing." WOW...did that ever hit home!! Kurt couldn't have found out about the relapse if I hadn't had the relapse..let's face it.
Today, I'm grateful. I'm grateful that my husband loves me this much...even if the house arrest for the next 13 days is difficult for me...at least he loves me enough to take the time off of work to spend here with me. (Let me explain re: house arrest. We live on about 80 acres of land outside of a small town by about 10 minutes by car. When Kurt suspects me of using, he revokes car privilages...so I can't go anywhere...hence "house arrest." This time, he said I am not driving for two weeks until he's sure it's "out of my system." The up side to this is that he does drive me around himself when he can, so I'm not totally trapped!! Personally, I think it's also to do with the fact that if he has both sets of vehicle keys, he can ensure I'm not going into town for refills...
BUT, today I admit I am powerless over my addiction, and that my life is unmanagable. So much so, in fact, that today I have to rely on my husband to go out and get milk for the kids, because I can't. It's Saturday, and usually today I take the kids out in the morning while we have our housekeeper in. Today, I'm home with these kids, and I'll be home with these kids when the housekeeper comes because I can't leave...Kurt said he's fixing the shed today, so he can't drive us out. And that's hard...not to have my own power right now...but you know what?? Thank HP for it...because this is still better than things going further and me needing detox. This is still better than dying of an overdose and leaving both my wonderful hubby and my beautiful kids. Today, I'm grateful for all the meddling he did, and all the love he has. And today, I'm grateful for all of you...because yesterday you all really did keep me clean and sober...by forcing me to get honest.

Thanks for this 24, and I'll be posting every day of my "house-arrest" to update and let you guys know where I'm at.

Lots of love,

Michelle.

tyler

Thanks for posting Michelle. It is sometimes hardest to take help from the ones who love us the most. You seem to be handling it well. Of course there will be a point where you have to do this "on your own" it is good that you husband "cares" enough to stand by you and help you with this. His methods are perhaps a bit "extreme", but lets face it, addiction is nothing if not extreme. Take care.

jackf

Hey Michelle, You are making a great stand against a very tricky enemy. The pills afterall are legeal and everyting rite? But what a price we pay. I am off the drugs, vicodin, oxycodone and alcohol and I know that it only gets easier as we make the stand each waking day, a freshm new stand, each waking day. It feels so good to not have to worry about my supply, or feel the embarrassment of scamming Doctors and manufacturing symptoms. It's like I was walking in a fog serving a cruel and deadly master. My heart goes out to you and Kurt and I will keep you in my prayers, your friend jackf

BSPGirl

Good luck to both of you!