JessicaNAJ

I came home from work sick today.

AH sent me a text that said "I was up all night thinking about you. Just thought I'd let you know."

I said what were you thinking about.

He said, "All kinds of stuff."

I told him I felt sick and was going home. But that I still needed him to pick the kids up today. (I had a work thing tonight that I obviously wasn't going to make and we had already arranged for him to get the kids.)

He called me twice today to see how I was. That was kinda weird. But a nice surprise.

I'm in bed and he's making super and helping our son with his homework.

I'm not looking for alterior motives. I'm enjoying the peace and the little added attention I'm getting.

For now, things are quiet. I hope it remains, but if not I will remember the steps.

cwohio

gianna - i get what you are trying to say.

jess - we need to enjoy all those wonderful moments when they come and be grateful for them, regardless of what the motivation is behind them.

hope you feel better soon!

hugs - chris

equus

Take care of yourself - here's hoping you'll feel better soon!

Hope your dinner is a good 'un!

JessicaNAJ

Thank you guys. I am feeling better. I at least made it to work today.

I think our little talk monday night migh have had something to do with his actions (I'm not complaining btw).

I told him I've always been there for him, but I never felt like he's been there for me (heck, when I was in labor -well i wasn't actually sure- he stayed home while I went to a family christmas party).

Maybe he's trying. Maybe this is how he's always been and i've just been overlooking it. Which ever, I'm really glad he was there for me yesterday. I don't know what I would have done otherwise.

JessicaNAJ

yes....I did. You can mind my business anytime (that's why I post it here)

Girlfriend

Hi Jessica,

SO glad that you have some peace! Especially when you're sick and really need it.

I don't wanna put a bummer on this at all, but feel the need to tell ya that A's and abusers go in cycles. After awhile, you can almost predict them to the day.

My ex would do something completely outta line and then a major yelling match btwn he and I and then,........the quiet. The "honeymoon" period is what counselors call it.

But, just as predictable as the fights are and then the silence and positive affection he shows ya.........the cycle will repeat it's self.

It's a turbulent way of life. The constant going around in circles and never knowing how to get out of it.

I PRAY that that's not the case for you here, but just in case.If he's not getting therapy and working on him, the cycle for surely will be repeated.

Take Care of yourself!!

((hugs))

JessicaNAJ

I'm sure we are in the eye of the storm here. I know the cycle will restart, I'd be crazy to not think it would.

But for now, I'm enjoying the peace and.... I'm almost afraid to say it, but I can actually sense him trying to communicate better.

I should move on (I hear its so much better ), but I just dont think I'm ready yet. Is that nuts?

wraybear

Hey, it's not nuts. If you aren't ready, you aren't ready. I know I have always felt like a shmuck because I could never make a decision. So, I started looking at situations differently. You HAVE made a decision. The decision is YOU AREN'T READY! Embrace it. Maybe if you embrace this, you can let go of the "should I leave him" "will my life be better" "will my kids be better", and everything else that goes along with it. Maybe you can rest in the peace of being separated (you still are, aren't you?). That was a HUGE decision, to separate and to have done it for over a year or is it getting close to two years now... that is quite an accomplishment!

Be good to yourself. Pat yourself on the back. Love yourself! You deserve it!

cloudy

Pretty much it's already been said but no you're not nuts and yeah it's ok to be enjoying the peace. Don't you worry bout that :-)

JessicaNAJ

Thank you Cloudy and Wray. It's been about 18 months (or close to it).

I NEVER could have made it this far without everyone here. You guys put me back on track when I need it, tell me when I'm wrong and help pick me up when I need it.

I have a lot of reading to do to catch up with everyone.