Dead Poet

I used yesterday, had a good day today until tonight, whereAGAIN I didn't want to accept my addiction, know othewrs who can drink moderately, got angry, and used again tonight. It's like once Ive been without it for a while and i'm at ease with life, no high's or lows it sucks me back in. I dont even know what im saying because i was soooo sick of myself last time i used i almost felt myself never using again. And now these things are all just excuses. I've really gotta get myself some CRAZY kind of reminder not to pick up that first drink, even if everything is fine in my life and i think one drink wont hurt.. SUGGESTIONS please, i want to apoligize again but know that its my own fault, and i let myself down the most and still did it......and again i wanted to forget it and not post to you guys. I think this is a good sign but unfortunately I am not too hopeful for tomorrow.......i just want to use and use, BUT i want it to stop for ever and ever.

Blue2085

awww, Dead P.

Honey, what's done is done. Just move on tomorrow with a new outlook, dwelling on your relapse will only make you relapse...that's my experience anyway.

Sorry I missed your PM last night, I fell asleep. LOL

your back here w/all of us & that my darlin' is progress!

Love,
Miss Blue

Cathy31

Deadpoet
Look up an NA/AA meeting. Go to it. Ask someone to pick you up/meet you outside if you are nervous (I was terrified, dunno why, but I was the first time)

GO! If you are looking for a solution, that will work...it will also bring you much happiness, peace, and a whole new way of living - a great side effect is that you won't use.

I hope you will try it.

Much LOve
CAthy31
x

tyler

I learned a little slogan one time in rehab, "Remember the Pain", it will help keep you sober. Remember the pain you caused yourself, your loved ones, everyone you touch. Don't dwell on it, but don't ever forget it. When drinking seems like a good idea, play it out to the end and remember where it is going to take you. Is it really going to be worth those few hours, or often just minutes of relief? It sounds like you have tried the moderation thing more than a few times and have determined pretty well that it isn't going to work for you. If you think about it that shouldn't really be that hard to accept, everyone is different. I'm sure there are things that you can do that most other's aren't able to do, and the reverse applies as well. We are all different, it just so happens that, for whatever reason, you are not able to drink alcohol successfully. Why dwell on that? Look at all of the other things you can do sucessfully, probably many that others can't do!! Relapse is often part of recovery, and as long as you learn from it, you can turn it into a positive. Hop back on that horse and move on!! Take care.

CAPTAINZING2000

You're only a loser if, you think you're a loser.

You can be a winner any time you want.

I go to meetings every week, keeps me around other winners. instead of using next time pick up the phone and call someone. Do what ever you have to do to stop sitting on your pity pot and wanting to use.

I believe in you you're a winner you're not a loser


Chris

Change4life

first of all and most important..YOU ARE NOT A LOSER!!! You are already on your way if you want to quit. It is not an easy journey so don't beat yourself up. I drink A LOT! Since I found this website I have slowed down. When you feel like drinking reach out post a thread DO NOT give up. THINK BEFORE YOU DRINK!!!!!

sasycat

i went through a similar thing last night. thats how i ended up here. i have the same problem you do. moderation just doesnt work for me. this site has already helped me alot.

sasycat

wanted to share a qoute someone recently told me that seems to help alot.
"The clock still ticks, your heart still beats, why torture yourself ? life still goes on?

dont beat yourself up over it. Just learn from it .

hopealwayz

You're not a loser, you're a winner!!! Put that stick down and don't beat yourself up any longer. You cannot change what you have done in the past but you can make different choices in the future. Check out meetings if you get a chance, find a sponsor, and work the steps.
Basically, do something recovery related everyday. Get your mind so filled with recovery related stuff that you don't think about alcohol.

We are here for you 24/7, always keep that in mind!

2dayzmuse

It works for me. I never have to experience that pain ever again.

Catherine W.

Hi -

I had a realy bad eating disorder many years ago and I felt I just could not stop and I would relapse and relapse and finally a nutritionist at university told me that sometimes that is how recovery goes and to not beat up on myself, just get up and try again. i found that when I beat up on myself, the shame of it all would drive me to indulge my addiction again and again.

Finally, I just started saying to myself, "So I had a slip. Tomorrow is a new day. The next hour is a new hour." And I would pick myself up as soon as possible and get on with the things I was trying to do and that I knew were right to do instead of my addiction.

I know food is a lot different than a substance but since you have slipped, I am just sharing that it is even worse if you beat yourself up. As others said, learn from it and get back up. Don't use it as an excuse to keep indulging until some day in the future that may not ever come.

Good luck! You are on your way is what I see. Very brave.

FaeryQueen

The memory of me sitting around with a shotgun in my mouth does not keep me sober.
The fact that I truly am happy, joyous, and free without dope keeps me sober. The fact that my life is downright AWESOME in recovery keeps me sober. The peace and serenity that the steps brought about keeps me sober. The newfound creativity and nearness of my HP keeps me sober.

I find it depressing that people have to go around thinking about pain and suffering to stay sober....blech!!!

Don't beat yourself up. Get into ACTION with AA/NA. You never have to use again...but you cannot do it alone.

Keep Reaching Out

tyler

I think you misunderstood my point, or perhaps we just disagree, which is, of course, OK. I'm glad that your "life in recovery is downright AWESOME", but, at least for me, not every day in "recovery" is AWESOME. However, my worst day in "recovery" is definately better than how things were when I was using, and I know if I go back to using that is the life I will return to. I certainly don't dwell on the pain and suffering I have gone through and caused others, my point is that for those times that you are considering using, it can be helpful to "think it through to the end". That end, for me, is a return to the pain and suffering I have previously endured for the sake of getting and staying high. I hope this clarifies, and if not, we can just agree to disagree. Take care.