jestot

Well suffice it to say that I sat here and wrote a huge post went to send it and it was gone. Anyway I am not much at typing so instead of writing it all over again I will shorten it up a bit.Well I get drunk and I hit my wife. I never did anything like this before. It all started when I got back from Iraq. Now every argument turns into a fist fight and I hate myself for it. I am going to psycological counselling through the VA for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and my wife God Bless her wants to go to counselling as well and wants to start marriage counselling and to try to see if we can work this out. Is there any hope for us? Can a marriage be saved after all of this? Has anyone here been down this road and survived? I really need to know. I am going out of my mind and I can't seem to get straight. I hate myself and what I have done and I need to get it right again. My wife is currently living with her mother until we see how all of this goes. I have quit drinking and she has vowed to do the same and we are hoping that we can get through this. I really would apreciate any advice or help I can get. Thank you.

manicschematic

HI,

I know things are hard, and I am responding because I am a battered wife. I have not only been beaten, but beaten to the point of unconsiousness. YOu have to find a way to cope. Thank God for your wife that she hasn't left. I am still with my husband. I believe in keeping my marriage vows true. So I know how she feels. It's hard, and for a woman, it keeps her self esteem to a low. What makes you fly off the handle? Is it your experiences in Iraq, or is it your drinking/ You must find a happy medium. I am here to help and offer advice.

Nicole

P.S. Godbless, and thankyou for defending our country.

jestot

Nicole, I really appreciate your reply. I have no Idea what causes it, but I am willing to try anything to get better. It's not the drinking that causes it because I feel this way all the time. The drinking was just an excuse for a while and not a very good one.Quitting was still the number one step and now I am going to try everything I can. Believe me when I say that I do not want to hurt her and when it happens I just can't seem to stop myself. I can't imagine why she would want to stay with but I am glad that she has. I haven't hurt her badly yet and I want to get help before I do. Until then I told her to keep a distance from me. I love my wife and she is my best friend. I don't want to lose that and I don't want to lose her but before I hurt her anymore I would send her away from me. I can't bear to look at myself in the mirror on most days and it is killing me. Not to mention the fact that I am looking at doing jail time over all of this. I feel like a horrible person and I feel even worse when she tries to share the blame with me saying things like i am not innocent in all of this. Anyway Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you again. Jim

In memory of miracle

I am glad that you realize that hitting your wife is so very wrong.I was battered many years ago and I can tell you from the other side it is really a horrible experience. I ,unlike your wife left.
With that said, I would like to welcome you back from Iraq, I cannot imagine what you must have gone thru over there. Its very good that you are seeking help.Glad your here and taking responsability for your actions.
Bless, Trish

jestot

Thanks Trish, I am sorry for what you went through and I appreciate your reply. Means a lot to me to hear from the ones who have suffered. I can only imagine the pain I have caused not only to her but to all of those around us and I am very fortunate that she even acknowledges my existence let alone wants to stay with me which is why I am willing to do whatever it takes. Thanks again, Jim

In memory of miracle

Jim=
Being in a war makes your circumstances "almost" understandable. I dont know if you were abusive before you went to Iraq. You are also being resposible for your actions and getting help. Dont beat yourself up!

jestot

Well I have never in my life acted this way. The worst part about it is that no matter how hard I try to stop feeling this way I can't stop it and after everything I have done it is hard no tot beat myself up about it. Taking responbsibility for your actions is fine and may even be enough as long as once you do you change your pattern of behavior but taking responsibility and then doing it again and again makes it even worse. I have said I am sorry so many times that the words have lost thier meaning and I am terrified that I am losing everything important to me. I worry that the damage I have done can't be repaired no matter how much counselling or how much therapy her and I go to. I do believe that some wounds never heal...they are the ones that lie deep within your heart, mind and soul. Anyway thank you again

In memory of miracle

Maybe see a shrink? Med's can help you.Anger management may also be an option. Is there a vetern's hospital near by?

jestot

I already have an appointment with the VA to see the shrink and I am hoping that they can help me. I had actually been trying to get in to see them before any of this even started happening. I don't know if you kknow anything about the VA but they aren't the fastest system to work with. Anyway thanks again

shestruggles

Hi jestot,

Your honesty is refreshing & I pray that you are able to follow thru with your desire to stop drinking and losing control. There IS a connection. All of the feelings of anger and irritation that we carry around seem to boil over when alcohol is involved. I speak as someone who was both an abuser and someone who was abused.

Take Care & keep us posted on how the VA councilling goes.

Much Love: SS

BSPGirl

Jim, best of luck with all of this, it sounds horrible what you are going thru, I really think you're brave for being so open about it and wanting to get help. *hugs*

jestot

Thank you all.

wantneeda

i know that anger you speak of Jim...and i didn't have to go fight a war to feel it,
my war was inside of my head.
and i tried to fight it with alcohol and drugs, but that ALWAYS made it worse.
what has helped me deal with my anger is Alcoholics Anonymous. Wonderful caring, sharing people and a program that not only taught me how to stop drinking but how to uncover my anger and resentments and let them go. I learned that alcohol is a symptom and i really had a Wendy problem.
i'm not saying AA is the only way, but it's what worked for me. Anger management sounds like a good plan to.
i hope you find what you are looking for. Myself, i was willing to go to any lengths for sobriety, to find a sense of peace and to learn to like myself. I went for 5 months worth of treatment, thats where AA found me. All i know is i was sick and tired of being sick and tired and once my booze and drug fog lifted i realized how much i truly want to live. I know that feeling of not being able to look in the mirror.Today i do whats called morror work. I could barely do it the first few times...but every time i do it gets easier and i beleive myself more.
try it, go to the mirror and say:
Jim is beautiful
Jim is worthwhile
Jim is precious
Jim, i love you
and keep doing it till you believe it.
you are worth the fight Jim!
faith and hope as small as a mustard seed is all thats needed. What do i know about seeds? they grow!
keep coming back.
hugs, Wendy

jestot

Thanks Wendy, It's always to hear something positive especially when my whole outlook on life is so negative.

manicschematic

Hey Jim,

It's me again. Everyone is giving you great advice. DO try meds, they helped my hubby until his job wouldn't let him take them anymore. My guy says he can't control it either. So I say leave the situation before it gets out of hand. Go for a walk, a friends house, something. Just until you calm down. Best wishes on your recovery.

Nicole

hopealwayz

It is great that you are here and seeking help. Welcome back from Iraq. We are glad to have you here among us at SR .

There are better days ahead. It won't be easy but it does get better.

Hugs,
Angel

2dayzmuse

I know what you and your wife are going through is a horrible thing. Only time will tell what the outcome will be. What I think is wonderful is you are owning your behavior and are willing to do something about it. Some people aren't willing to do that. I wish you and your wife the best.