squirrelly77

I have prayed for guidance
I have prayed for truth
I prayed for a sign
when the time has come
to come to you, without a motive.
I think I've been given many
in a short time,
it's like my head is spinning.
Much like it spins
and twists
and spins
and twists
...here we go again...are we having fun, yet?
Much like me,
I make something out to be something it's not.
But for this...
I'm not
sure.
My cheap DVD player choose to skip to a part of Vanity Fair
that I didn't see
until a day or so ago.
It was about a young man and his quest for truth
in a time when it could be done.
Did you ever buy that chopper yet?
Is the sands of the South stuck in your teeth?
I see your face around town a lot.
In my dreams.
While I'm awake.
Is there something you would like me to hear?
I know there is something I would like to tell you...
and that is
I
am
sorry.
You know where to find me. Chhhhhh aaaaaa haaaaaaay!

toforever

Hi there, please hear me out !!!

If I think that i'm little earnesto does that mean I am him? ~~ Given the statement "you know who you are", it would probably mean that its not me, cause I can't say, I know this to be true especially cause its completely illogocal, therefore the statement would ultimately be false. Yet I know that logic has failed me when it comes to understanding many things for there are contadictions ~~

~ Its similar when Trent Reznor "says you know who you are" on the pretty Hate Machine Album. I won't go too much into that for now though ~~

~ I never set out to use logic though, it seems to me intuitively that it limits what is and what I can reach and learn in "truth". I am in a world of calamity, that for the most part is just like a gun to my head shooting blanks day after day. (Thus losing the fear and gaining its reality) ~

~ Not definitively but in the ever common occurance of things and in peoples (like youself), have make connections that can't be so, as I would normally know. Yet, there is truth there that is like impssible to catch. ~

~~ Your words and everyword in its tone, display, sequence and familiarness had that certain distinction ~

~ have come to know from time to time, where its clear to my intuition that someone, or some things are very connected to me in a very unlear way. Yet there's there's too much to comprehend myself. Still, its impossible to not notice at all, even shut in my house. Things like; (writing about me, writings to me, and sometimes writings related to or somehow from me manifest like growong flowers),

~ I also see it in the world ( in me, sometimes in people, animals, and also things ) ~

~ I don't know if its intentional, incidental, or maybe beyond anyone's understanding. I can't tell if its of good or by some other means. I don't feel like the bad guy, yet have done many bad things before. Somehow the tone I get is definately of revulsion of me and I get a feeling of hate from others (on this indirect wavelength of communication) ~

~ Much has subdued recently so I don't know if I should just leave it alone, but its not gone. At this very moment there is an essence that is hindering this letter to you, but its making me more determined now. I am really fed up with it and want to resolve whatever I can or face what it is. I want to have some understanding cause I can't live like this forever (unless I must, it could be for my protection for all I know) ~

~ These are perplexities, yet I am set out in truth and give it and of myself where it may be heard and appropriate. I do what I can to understand because it calls for it in my stability in living eventually, its presence I can't ignore because its hostility makes me feel I am responsible for smething but really there is nothing to say that I know that caused this turbulence.

~ When I forget about it in prayer or whatever all is well. I want my peace, and I am determined to act in a couragous yet prudent way to find resolve. This is probably the most extreme esxtension to another that I am trying to make (it will probably be deleted, ths is what happens often!) ~

~ Yet I don't know for sure if this may be wrong and a mistake, like a bait that I always take. I can't ignore this though with you because it is to straight and unquestonable to me, its a possible connection to get some (real knowledge) . Even if you don't know me or understand anything I am saying, know that I am being sincere in heart and not messing around. ~

~ If you are of some awareness then I suspect I willl get some riddle back like usual, I understand cause there is clearly something blocking communication. I don't understand the other side of it so its hard to pass judgement on you if you "know anything about I speak " for denial or the usual obscurity i'm used to. (I give the benefit of the doubt to everyove, I just mostly relly on trusting God and try to act when I can!!! ~

~ Even how I came to look at your post was from something extrodanary. (again this I won't go into here but its about squirrells). Also this post and the one tittle "All that Glitters" - Nirvana... is so deeply involved that it can by no means to me be coincidence. so if you are curious or ca help me please do inquire or speakt. I will inturn give more info if its appropriate ~

~ Earnesto, (not sure if this is some character to others or just you, but it definately has meaning to me) like wise I am consumed by search for truth in first place, because it is what is normal for people to seek order in the world finding truth in reality to live and function as normal humans , yet it means more to me because of very deep mysteries. ~

~ They also constantly beg for their questioning yet shudder at my approach which I can't reconcile. I am torn this way, and not able to enjoy the peace in myself that I have found, because of the torment of obscurity around me. The world and reality to me is quite different now (both in the !physically and in the unseen). Its like a veil has been lifted and I'm livng intwo worlds. ~

~I am not litterally crazy, yet if I were to speak about these things I have seen to most people, I would be properly considered crazy, yet it baffles me that they don't acknowledge them even when its fairly clear the are even part of the mess. Its wrecking me. I would never have even been able to imagine or make them up myself because they are so much beyond my understanding yet in times often makes sense in around about way, but I can't put the pices together ~

~ This is indeed crazy and it has made me slightly insane too. Now they are so common it doesn't phase me, yet morally my conscious is always breaking me down because they are there, without a doubt (these experiences, happenings, phenomenon) and I can't comprehend them and they don't let me when I try. I have tried over and aover and they end up giving no answers, but pulling me further in even in some hostility ~

~ I end up drowning only to be saved by ,,in my belief,, God... I can't pretend that they are not there, but am at the point where I am going all in to find out or i'm pulling all out because of the deceit that seems to be invovled. I am scared but have lost fear from things to an uhealthy level from repeated exposure to threats on my life and ultimately my eternal life. ~

~ Utterly disgusting and terible they are to have around me and be alone with it. I have chosen this because I don't feel the right to pull anyone esle into it or use statistical or logical study, recording, participation, or even devulging things to anyone cause I do not know the nature of it,,, (the what,,,,the why,,, the who,,, or the when). I am definately going out on a limbb here, so keep me and you safe but help me if you can!!! ~

~ I may just PM this to you but think i'll post it ~

Bradley
[email protected]

CAPTAINZING2000

Where have you been girl??


I haven't seen you posting for a while

glad you're ok


hugs


chris

Doug

ummm....her post up there is from 8-16-05.....

just thought I'd toss that out there. Carry on!

toforever

um yeah thanks...doesn;t reeally much matter. It could say April 1879 and it would not matter to any extent what I thought think or wrote to this girl that I dont know. The post is not appropriate, please just delete it if you can, Its not for public dispaly, cause it ain't and i cant help it...

thanks
bradley