H-Ellenback

30 years together, have spent most of that time keeping things together, waiting for the next tornado to hit. Now he's come out and told me he's doing coke, maybe even crack, on top of being a chronic doper, which I hated all along, but believed all the 'it's just pot' stuff.

I asked him what he hopes to see at the bottom of that pit, and he mentioned my sister-in-law, who was killed in a drunk driving accident 12 years ago - her own husband was the drunk. My man confessed just before the funeral that he'd been having an affair with her, and now he and his still-alcoholic, but born again, brother, don't even talk.

We had 3 small children, and she was gone, so all I could do was pick up the pieces of our relationship and go on. Couldn't even be mad at anyone, since she was my best friend, and she left. Had no family to help, either - she was my family.

Now he's not coming home until early morning - this is the 4th time this month. I am sooooo exhausted by the drama, and I need to have the strength this time to leave, and keep him away. I don't believe the lies, the promises, the futile explanations, anymore.

All of my kids are damaged by this, even though they're grown. Sons are drug users, although one son is at least functioning, and daughter is mother to a 3 year old little doll, and also involved in codie relationship with a gambler/drinkler. Can't stand how this just keeps going on, and on, and on...Don't want my granddaughter growing up with this around her!

Thought it was a woman keeping him away, and I was right, her name is Cocoa, and now H-Ellen is leaving for good.

Girlfriend

Hi H-Ellen,


I'm so sorry to hear about your pain! That has got to be devastating. This is the right place to come. There are tons of us co-dependants, spouses of alcoholics/drug addicts/addicts in general on here. Keep reading the posts and you'll learn how others have coped and gotten the strength they've needed to move on and take care of themselves.

Al-anon or narcotics anonymous are great! TOns of support and you'll learn there, also, that you are FAR from being alone.

30 years is a long time, H-Ellen. Your kids are grown and the cycle is continuing. BUT, it's never too late to help stop that cycle and that's what you're doing. Good for you.

Learn as much as you can here and in support meetings and may God bless ya! We've all been through it........we didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it. But, we can still live good, healthy lives. There is Hope!

((hugs))

walkingtheline

Welcome!

Around here we have a saying, "nothing changes if nothing changes" and you have the power to make the change.

Girlfriend was right on...meetings+this place+lots of reading and you can rock your world!

Again, welcome!

7thstranger

H-Ellen sounds like you've been through it. You'll find lots of help and great advice here. And girlfriend is right, do what you can to break the cycle.

Welcome.

meli2005

Sorry to hear about the drama. Yes focus on you and your plans to move on to a happier healthier lifestyle. You need all the strength you can get, being in this type of relationship robs you of everything.

herewegoagain

Boy, you've been through the shredder, huh ? I'm so sorry for your pain. You said you needed the strength to leave him....but if you think about it - you already ARE a strong woman. You've been able to maintain yourself for 30 years with this drama. Now you just need to re-focus your strength in a different direction - but it is there.

rock

Welcome H, This is a great place to start your new journey. Take your time and read. One thing you already know the drama just keeps on coming, I guess its how we deal with it. People here are awesome . See you around Rock