sugartopper

My husband who is an alcoholic and left me for another woman just was sentenced today for his 4th drunk driving which was pleaded to a second offense misdemeanor. He only was sentenced to 30 days work release...What is wrong with our system that because he can pay big bucks for an attorney he gets off? Now I sit here with the kids while he is celebrating with his girlfriend and have to deal with the last 10 years of being tormented. It doesn't seem fair!

cwohio

((sugartopper)) while it seems like he is not suffering an consequences now if he continues to drink since it is a prgressive disease it will eventually rob him of everything - keep your focus on you on you!

hugs & prayers to you - christie

splendra

(((ST)))

I hope you can stop wasting your time thinking about what is fair it's only going to make you bitter...

You are the fortunate one you have the kids which in itself is a huge blessing and also you are not a drunk. You can look out for yourself get an attorney and find out what your options are.

Feeling resentment is only going to hurt you. The best revenge is to live well...

sugartopper

thank you for all the words of wisdom...as it was well put tomorrow is the first day of the rest of MY life! Good night to all and god bless you all for being here for all of each other.

queenofthehwy

Exactly!!! I know it may not seem like it at the moment, but it seems like you are the one that "got off" Let his new girlfriend have all the fun that comes with an A.
Go do something for YOU! It's your time now!
Mindi

chrisea

you are the one that "got off"

that's for sure... my xabf, left in Mar and i'm sure he was involved with a woman then... But since then, I think there have been at least 2 women and at least those two already Wised Up...

sugartopper

Maybe we are the ones who "got off' as you said it just hurts sometimes! I am off to bed now to get a GOOD night sleep! Thanks and hugs and love to all!

Girlfriend

You are a WISE lady, Splendra!



Queen of the highway.....love your avatar of Constantine!!

sugartopper

It is morning and I went to bed feeling sad and I woke up being sad! I don't want to be sad anymore! How do I just move on...We had a family we had a blended family and he has just ripped that to shreds. His 16 year old daughter came over last night and spent some time with me and she said you don't want him back you are too good for him, but I still love him..how can I still love someone who has hurt me so much?

sugartopper

But he has stopped drinking is in counceling and is trying to get healthy, but he blames me for his drinking. He says he wasn't happy with me for a long time, but still came back and told me he loved me. He has a 32 year old girlfriend who seems to be what he wants right now I don't know I just know my life as I knew it is over and I need to move on, but the moving on part is hard.

sugartopper

I know I try and look at the "bright side" of things I am very lucky I have a great job, great kids, I can affordto support myself...I have a roof over myself and I know that someday this will feel better, but right now I am hurt, jealous, and mad at him for destroying all that we had (or I thought we had)

"A codependent person Is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior."

I read this last night and several other paragraphs that hit home for me-okay so I know this now-how do I break the co-dependancy without getting into another situation? It seems that all my relationships have been "dramatic" this one just came with deep love...I still feel we are soulmates and belong together, but you can't make someone love you.

marg2265

Hi Sugartopper,

"But he has stopped drinking is in counceling and is trying to get healthy, but he blames me for his drinking."

If he is saying stuff like this, he is definitely not working the program, and is still in a little bit of denial about his problem. I know that you know you are not responsible for his drinking, and I'm sure deep down he knows it too. It is just an easy copout and excuse to make himself feel better to blame you. Then he is blameless in his own head.

I'm sorry you are hurting. I am in the same position in many ways. Have you tried meditating? Any time my head is flooded with thoughts of my H, I try to just focus on letting the thoughts go, and keeping my head clear. Not sure if that even makes sense, but somehow it works.

Marg

sugartopper

Hi Marg. I am sitting here after a great day at golf and feeling sorry for my self..why is this happening to me? Why has my life just changed so much? I love my husband! I was a good wife, Mother, where did I go wrong. Why did he leave me for a 32 year old bimbo? It just doesn't make sense..what happened? I feel like a failure.

Pick-a-name

I feel the same way this week.............like 30 years were wasted . I try to Let go and let God every time these thoughts flood me..........I know I have to, but sometimes I feel so low and beat down by it all.........it just isn't right. Sending you a hug........I just feel so unwanted; so alone, forgotten...................enough of this; this thinking will only fuel those feelings.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you; for us all! I know I can only keep trudging along until my feelings catch up.

sugartopper

Well here it is tomorrow and I am going to try and put a smile on my face and enjoy life. It is hard I want Bill to hold me and tell me he loves me, but that is never going to happen again he is with someone else..he loves someone else. I have to move on! thank you for the hug picka name here is one back I know it is hard but we have to go on.

Pick-a-name

Thanks,ST..........here is hoping today is a better one for both of us! Hope you do at least one thing YOU enjoy! I'll be thinking of you, and try to take the same advice that I might give to you! haha

workinprogress

I've been following your journey and one thing stands out: you put your husband in the driver's seat literally and figureatively.

It is fine to put him in the driver's seat "literally" as he chose to drive under the influence. He chose to put his marriage, family and life at risk. Let him face the full consequences of his actions whatever they turn out to be. It is beyond your control.

Figureatively, do you really want him to "drive" your life?

You are more important than you think.

You can decide where you want to go.

Do you want to revolve around his insane world?

Until he is sober and faces the full consequences of his actions he is poison to you and your life.

My thoughts are with you.

meli2005

If he continues this behaviour he will end up in jail. It will all catch up to him eventually no matter how good his lawyer is.