narekkm

At my Tuesday night Al-Anon meeting we did 8th step discussions (be willing to make amends to those you have hurt...). I shared about my AH's recent relapse and my total and utter anger, frustration, hurt, anxiety, hate of the alcoholic, not the man. I was pretty nasty with my AH verbally and could've done more if I let my emotions get the better of me.

Anyway, after the meeting, I realized I needed to make amends to my AH for the way I have been reacting to his behavior. The opportunity did not come that night, for he was still passed out on the couch in the same position I left him 3 hrs previous. The next morning I did make my amends and asked if he was ready to give up the fight. No answer.

Last night, when I got home from work, there was evidence of him vomitting in the family room and when confronted with it, he said he spilled his cranberry juice (no red stain). Wrong, I said try again. Ok, he said it was orange juice. What is it with the A's that such a simple question gets a lie. If he's going to lie about the stupid little things, I am guaranteed he will lie about the bigger issues. He continued to throw up all night long (I would imagine there was blood, too). Again, I asked when are you going to give it up. He said he already had starting today (Wed). But, then he starts getting indignant and defensive. I told that him with all that he has put me and the rest of the family through, he had absolutely NO right to cop an attitude with me or anyone else. He said I was right.

I haven't spoken to him since this AM and can only wonder if he indeed stopped drinking. We see a marriage counselor for the first time this Wed. (we both go to individual therapists) and I called him yesterday to ask he has any experience dealing with alcoholism. He does, but also said that unless my husband came clean with him in the first session, it would like having the proverbial pink elephant in the room and there couldn't be any more therapy until he was able to spill his beans.

Anyway, I've got my fingers crossed that he's sober today and can only pray that he remains so.

Karen

Cynay

Yep that is all you can do is pray and realize its not your issue to fix or control.

If he is not ready it will never happen.... that is the suckie part. Im glad you have support and are working your own recovery... this disease sucks.

ASpouse

I know when my husband tried to detox himself, he threw up quite a bit, along with shakes, sweats, chills, more throwing up etc. It's possible that maybe your husband quit, but that is not owned by you, it's owned by him alone unfortunately.

My husband went to his therapist drunk every week and the therapist never even knew it. They're good, alcoholics are. I am grateful that he is sober and recovering more every day!

historyteach

Karen;

Addicts lie. Alcoholics are addicted to alcohol. So, alcoholics lie.
There's a saying - I can't hear what you're saying because your actions are shouting. Believing an active alcoholic will not help him/her. It will only keep them in denial. We learn to believe their actions. Actions do indeed speak louder than words.
There's a wonderful post by Jon; Here's the link:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=39699
Your husband is doing what addicts do. Don't be surprised anymore....

Here's a link on amends. I hope it helps. For me, amends are about me too, just as boundaries are. My amends lead to a better place for me; a better way of life.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=64557

Today, I've learned I have to accept what is; set valid boundaries in order to protect myself and show my amends by being a living example of them.
I hope this helps.
And I hope to see you here often as we both grow in our recovery.
Shalom!