I stood up to him - and it felt good !
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: The sunny southwest
Posts: 97
I stood up to him - and it felt good !
I'm excited about this and wanted to share. 
Monday evening I bought new living room furniture, and it was delivered Tuesday afternoon. Well, they brought matching pillows, instead of the contrasting pillows that I had seen on the floor model. I didn't like them as well, so I called and they said they'd exchange them for the ones I wanted, no problem. I had to bring our son to his swimming lesson and didn't have time to go to the furniture store too, so I asked J to do it. He got irritated because I forgot to get the name of the person I spoke to, and was giving me a hard time. So I just simply said "Ok. Nevermind, I'll just do it tomorrow. No big deal." But he INSISTED for some reason.
So yesterday J had a rough day at work. Came home and had a couple beers (he doesn't typically drink at home). I've noticed that whatever his mood is when he drinks, the alcohol amplifies it - even if it's just two beers (like last night). He later made a comment that I had been "making things difficult the past couple days." Unfortunately, I bit into the bait and said "what are you talking about ??" BUT - and this is what I'm excited about - he started complaining about the pillow thing, and I was able to catch myself starting to argue and get sucked in, and simply said "You know what ? You insisted on taking care of it AFTER I told you I would do it - so therefore, you have lost the right to cry to me about this" and walked away. I felt so empowered - so in control ! I hope next time I'll be able to catch on even quicker so I don't get sucked in. I've been making a lot of positive changes for myself, and he seems to be irritated by that.
Monday evening I bought new living room furniture, and it was delivered Tuesday afternoon. Well, they brought matching pillows, instead of the contrasting pillows that I had seen on the floor model. I didn't like them as well, so I called and they said they'd exchange them for the ones I wanted, no problem. I had to bring our son to his swimming lesson and didn't have time to go to the furniture store too, so I asked J to do it. He got irritated because I forgot to get the name of the person I spoke to, and was giving me a hard time. So I just simply said "Ok. Nevermind, I'll just do it tomorrow. No big deal." But he INSISTED for some reason.
So yesterday J had a rough day at work. Came home and had a couple beers (he doesn't typically drink at home). I've noticed that whatever his mood is when he drinks, the alcohol amplifies it - even if it's just two beers (like last night). He later made a comment that I had been "making things difficult the past couple days." Unfortunately, I bit into the bait and said "what are you talking about ??" BUT - and this is what I'm excited about - he started complaining about the pillow thing, and I was able to catch myself starting to argue and get sucked in, and simply said "You know what ? You insisted on taking care of it AFTER I told you I would do it - so therefore, you have lost the right to cry to me about this" and walked away. I felt so empowered - so in control ! I hope next time I'll be able to catch on even quicker so I don't get sucked in. I've been making a lot of positive changes for myself, and he seems to be irritated by that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: The sunny southwest
Posts: 97
Thanks guys ! Yeah, I think he's irritated because I'm not as "available" as I normally am. I made plans for Saturday, unbeknownst to him (I wasn't intentionally being secretive, but I'm planning on going to my first ACOA meeting, he has other plans and I didn't feel a need to discuss it with him). He made plans to have the carpet cleaned at the same time, and was irked when I told him "Sorry, that won't work, I have something to do at that time. You should've checked with me first." 
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