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I'm really grasping at straws here...

Old 08-10-2005, 06:34 PM
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I'm really grasping at straws here...

Hi Everyone!

I would like some input on a situation I'm going through. I'm a general manager in a small office. My office manager told me soon after she came aboard that she had had a substance abuse problem in the past with crack, but that she had successfully completed a program, and was now clean. She did an absolutely spectacular job for six months, with great attendance and a positive attitude.

In the time she's been with us, she and I have grown extremely close (platonic). She confided to me early on that she also suffered from depression, and once her insurance kicked in, she would get back on her meds to help combat the depression. Two weeks ago, she saw the doctor and got on Effexor. Soon thereafter, she got some extremely disturbing personal news, and it sent her into a tailspin.

Erratic would be the understatement of the decade when discussing her attitude and behavior since that time. She took the company car for an entire weekend without asking. She has hit everyone in the place up for small loans, $20 from this one, $20 from that one. She has lost weight at an alarming clip. She's always been honest to a fault, and I have caught her lying through her teeth on numerous occasions in the last two weeks.

There's nothing on God's earth I would love more than to be proven wrong in my suspicion that she's using again. I sat her down and asked her point-blank if she was doing so, and she (of course) denied it. I know denial is a major part of substance abuse, but it hurts to be lied to by someone who you consider among your closest friends. Am I incorrect in my assessment, and if not what can I do to get her help if she refuses to seek it on her own?

I'm sorry if I rambled, but I think the world of the girl and would do pretty much anything to help her. I just don't know where to start. Any advice anyone could give is MORE than greatly appreciated!

Rick N.
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Old 08-10-2005, 07:45 PM
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The short answer would be that you are probably correct in your assesment and unfortunately there is really not much you can do about it if she doesn't want help.

As for what to do, that is a tough one. Does your company have any kind of drug policy? If so you could require her to take a drug test and if your assessment is correct require her to seek some kind of treatment as a condition of her continued employment. Will this work? Hard to say. As I said before, you really can't force someone to get clean if they don't want it, but you can "force her hand" so to speak.

If nothing else you have the interests of your company to look out for. Hopefully you can convince her to seek help, but it is far from a guarantee. Others here may have other ideas, perhaps better ideas, for you. Take care.
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Old 08-10-2005, 07:52 PM
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Lightbulb Welcome and Hello!

You are in a tough situation.

I agree with you...it certainly sounds as tho she is using crack again.

You must keep the business cash and car keys from her.


When I was fired for missing work...I was in an AA meeting a few hours later.

I suggest you read the sticky post in our forum Nar alon.

I do hope you and I are incorrect with our assessments.
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Old 08-10-2005, 08:14 PM
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there is not much you can do but let her know you are there for her..also suggestions about company policy are good

it seems like she is probably useing again, yet if her past is trama filled it may be just freaking out, tho with the borrowing $$$ issue i wouldn't place too much hope on that, tho possiable

for yourself do not get into a rescuer relationship with this person...you can be there for her but try to not take on too much, it's easy to "be the knight"... i know. help her where you can let her go where you must

hope this helps & good luck!
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Old 08-11-2005, 01:26 PM
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Hi Gumby...if she was telling the truth about being in a program, she's got to mean some kind of rehab and then after care. Maybe NA or AA or some other kind of program offering support and counseling. Before you do anything remember you're talking to the drug (IF SHE'S USING) not the fine employee you spoke of. Ask her where she did her rehab, what her after care was and if she's still got a support/home group, a counselor and who those people are. Contact them. Ask her what she's doing TODAY about her addiction. Is she going to a meeting? Is she sharing her problems with anybody? Did she contact anyone after she went into this tailspin? If she did'nt, and that's how it sounds, you should contact them. There's a chapter in AA's big book titled "To Employers". You can read it online. If she conquered her substance abuse problem once she can do it again. If she's not getting any help make it a condition of her continuing employment. If she is then maybe you and she could talk to them together. You must care about her or you wouldn't have found this place and posted your questions. Don't give up on her when you know she didn't just decide to get loaded again for fun. Whatever the bad news was it can be overcome and she can do it without drugs or booze. It's sad more employers aren't as caring as you. God bless.
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