confused
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chaos City
Posts: 605
confused
My H left lastnight, some things happened, I told him to leave, he did. I think the reality of it has not hit me yet, I slept well lastnight. (Besides my dog who still wont use his kennel)
My H called me three times lastnight, honestly I dont see a point anymore.
His routine for the last five years is to call me at 9:30 his break time, I am kind of scared and I dont know what I want. I want him to call me yet I dont want to talk to him.
He called, we didnt have much to say, he doesnt blame me if I call a lawyer, but that is not what he wants, he cant stand the thought of me being with another guy he says. (the thought literally makes me sick).
This is where I have to be strong, things are not going to change, things are not going to get better. I have to let go, and make a life for me and my kids. He is gone, he is willing he says to stay gone. He is leaving everything up to me, but is this games?? I am scared, but i cant accept the behavior that was shown in our home lastnight. I can no longer pretend everything will be fine, because it wont. Why am I hanging on to poison??
My H called me three times lastnight, honestly I dont see a point anymore.
His routine for the last five years is to call me at 9:30 his break time, I am kind of scared and I dont know what I want. I want him to call me yet I dont want to talk to him.
He called, we didnt have much to say, he doesnt blame me if I call a lawyer, but that is not what he wants, he cant stand the thought of me being with another guy he says. (the thought literally makes me sick).
This is where I have to be strong, things are not going to change, things are not going to get better. I have to let go, and make a life for me and my kids. He is gone, he is willing he says to stay gone. He is leaving everything up to me, but is this games?? I am scared, but i cant accept the behavior that was shown in our home lastnight. I can no longer pretend everything will be fine, because it wont. Why am I hanging on to poison??
Hey Girl-
Things will get better. Keep the focus on yourself and your kids. Get a lawyer so you can legally protect yourself.
I guess you do feel a little numb right now maybe it is a form of protection so you can go ahead and do what you have to do right now. Stay safe and take care....Hugs and prayer going out for you and the kids...
Things will get better. Keep the focus on yourself and your kids. Get a lawyer so you can legally protect yourself.
I guess you do feel a little numb right now maybe it is a form of protection so you can go ahead and do what you have to do right now. Stay safe and take care....Hugs and prayer going out for you and the kids...
emily
if he is gone right now - then take advantage of your time and contact a lawyer - i think this is your opportunity to move on as you have mentioned over a period of time. listen to what your gut and HP are telling you! i am there with you girl - I am there with you!
hugs - christie
if he is gone right now - then take advantage of your time and contact a lawyer - i think this is your opportunity to move on as you have mentioned over a period of time. listen to what your gut and HP are telling you! i am there with you girl - I am there with you!
hugs - christie
(((Emily)))
It's never easy. But often it's necessary.
I agree with the others. Ask your divorced friends about their attorney. See one who is highly recommended. Find out what is possible in your state and get yourself and your children protected.
Obviously something happened...do you need a restraining order? If your safety or that of your children is in jeopardy, please consider this protection as well. Even a temporary one will give everyone time to think unmolested.
Getting a divorce is not like driving thru McDonalds. It will take time. Nothing is final until it's final. You have TIME, time to find out what it is you DO want. But DO take the steps for protection's sake..you can always slow things down...but only if they've been started!
Please take care of yourself and the kids...right now, that's the only thing tht really matters. Do what you need to do.
It's never easy. But often it's necessary.
I agree with the others. Ask your divorced friends about their attorney. See one who is highly recommended. Find out what is possible in your state and get yourself and your children protected.
Obviously something happened...do you need a restraining order? If your safety or that of your children is in jeopardy, please consider this protection as well. Even a temporary one will give everyone time to think unmolested.
Getting a divorce is not like driving thru McDonalds. It will take time. Nothing is final until it's final. You have TIME, time to find out what it is you DO want. But DO take the steps for protection's sake..you can always slow things down...but only if they've been started!
Please take care of yourself and the kids...right now, that's the only thing tht really matters. Do what you need to do.
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Emily - so sorry for what you're going through. Though times, crazy thoughts, hard to think clearly, all these will pass with time. If you're at the end of what you can take, time to seek leagal advice to understand your options. All you need to do is think of it as learning about your options. Let us know how things go... OK?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: In my own world...
Posts: 444
(((Emily))) His leaving has given you a great opportunity to think things out for yourself. Take some time to enjoy the peace of that. I have yet to be able to really kick abf out but I've often thought that if he left, even for a while I could straighten many things out. It's too hard with him here over my shoulder. Please don't let him hit you with guilt, or let him intimidate you into making decisions too fast. Talking to someone about legal matters is a great idea even if you choose not to use it right away. Take care of yourself and I hope this is the start of something really amazing for you.
Alcohol is a cruel mistress!!!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: crownpoint newyork
Posts: 820
I think you need sometime to think things over. At least a few days with no contact. As long as your talking you can't clear your head. What about a weekend camping trip with the kids or an overnight to a friends. Getting away gives you a chance to put things in perspective. Kerry
*hugs* I know how hard it is..... right now numb is good.
CHANGE THE LOCKS (safty first). I agree too that checking with an attorney and starting a legal proceeding is probably not a bad idea.... you never know with an A when his attitude is going to change. He might be feeling guilty now but the emotions are up for change.
Taking a weekend away would not be a bad idea, at least no contact for a short time to get your bearings and figure it all out. Stay Strong and let us know how you are.
CHANGE THE LOCKS (safty first). I agree too that checking with an attorney and starting a legal proceeding is probably not a bad idea.... you never know with an A when his attitude is going to change. He might be feeling guilty now but the emotions are up for change.
Taking a weekend away would not be a bad idea, at least no contact for a short time to get your bearings and figure it all out. Stay Strong and let us know how you are.
(((Emily)))
By leaving everything to you, he is testing you to see if you'll do it. Is it time yet? I suggest that sleeping well last night was your mind telling you that it is.
You can work your way through all the emotions in your own time, without all that emotional abuse taking the focus away from you.
Safety first, then lawyer.
Don't forget - we're right alongside you.
By leaving everything to you, he is testing you to see if you'll do it. Is it time yet? I suggest that sleeping well last night was your mind telling you that it is.
You can work your way through all the emotions in your own time, without all that emotional abuse taking the focus away from you.
Safety first, then lawyer.
Don't forget - we're right alongside you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chaos City
Posts: 605
I am doing good today my H did not come home lastnight and I told him today that I dont want him to come home, but it is legally his house and he can do what he wants, so I personally dont know how long he is going to tolerate this.
I believe he left peacefully, because he knows what he did was unacceptable, and by him leaving he is punishing himself for what he did, and when he feels he has been punished enough he will come home. Meanwhile he is thinking he is doing me this big favor by staying away and giving me time to cool down.
I have cooled down, but cooling down doesnt mean I am changing my mind the way that I feel. Two big things, I will never have with my H, trust and not being afraid, I am always living in fear because I cant trust how he is going to act or react with me or my children. This cant be healed and I dont want to live in fear. I told him this when he called on his break.
Fear: If I dont answer the phone he will come to my job, If I dont answer the phone at home he will come over.
I believe he left peacefully, because he knows what he did was unacceptable, and by him leaving he is punishing himself for what he did, and when he feels he has been punished enough he will come home. Meanwhile he is thinking he is doing me this big favor by staying away and giving me time to cool down.
I have cooled down, but cooling down doesnt mean I am changing my mind the way that I feel. Two big things, I will never have with my H, trust and not being afraid, I am always living in fear because I cant trust how he is going to act or react with me or my children. This cant be healed and I dont want to live in fear. I told him this when he called on his break.
Fear: If I dont answer the phone he will come to my job, If I dont answer the phone at home he will come over.
Fear: If I dont answer the phone he will come to my job, If I dont answer the phone at home he will come over.
SAFETY FIRST! ((((Emily))))
((((Emily)))
I am so sorry you are having to deal with your H at all. I do not think he is punishing himself at all....I think he is waiting for you to come to your sences.... hiss hiss... what he does not seem to know is that you have come to your sences...
I want to weight my words very carefully with ya girl cause I know you are in a dangerous situation. The way he treats the children that aren't his tells me he has a screw loose....
You have not mentioned that you are taking any steps to make yourself safe and I think we all are tip toeing around this issue with you cause none of us want you to be more afraid than you alredy are. But my concern for you just makes we have to speak out ...girl what are you doing to insure your saftey? I want to know right now ....
I am so sorry you are having to deal with your H at all. I do not think he is punishing himself at all....I think he is waiting for you to come to your sences.... hiss hiss... what he does not seem to know is that you have come to your sences...
I want to weight my words very carefully with ya girl cause I know you are in a dangerous situation. The way he treats the children that aren't his tells me he has a screw loose....
You have not mentioned that you are taking any steps to make yourself safe and I think we all are tip toeing around this issue with you cause none of us want you to be more afraid than you alredy are. But my concern for you just makes we have to speak out ...girl what are you doing to insure your saftey? I want to know right now ....
((((emily))))
prayer going out for you. Look at the number of people who have read your thread> I would venture to say at least half of the 200+ know your situation and are all praying for you too and wishing the very best for you....feel the love
prayer going out for you. Look at the number of people who have read your thread> I would venture to say at least half of the 200+ know your situation and are all praying for you too and wishing the very best for you....feel the love
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