My Daughter wants to go to Al-ateen / Questions
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
My Daughter wants to go to Al-ateen / Questions
Hey everyone, just sharing some thoughts.
I have been going to Al-anon for about 3 months, my daughter and I have talked about why I go to these meetings now that my ex-abf is out of my life. I explained to her that this seems to be a problem that happens over and over in my life. My mom, sister, her father (first husband) and now my ex-abf. I told her it is giving me the tools to stop this cycle, look inward and focus on me. That was about the end of the conversation and she did not have much to say about it... that was about 2 months ago.
She just came back from a 6 week vacation with her father.... it seems that he spent no time with her, and was at the bowling alley bar most of the time (his living together girlfriend is a bartender there as well) and one night when he got home they had a huge fight.... she is VERY honest in how she feels. WELL .... she was angry and decided to go outside, he was not pleased and manhandled her ..... restrained her physically and I honestly think really scared her.
She came to me two nights ago and asked if she could go to an Al-ateen meeting, I told her of course in fact there is one during my Al-anon meeting on Sundays so we are going as Mother/daughter now. Parts of me are happy that she will get the support, but another part of me feels the guilt in giving her not only an alcholic father, but also that she lived with my ex-abf for 6 months as well.
Another question, I go to an AA meeting first and then an Al-anon meeting. Do you think there is any harm in her going to the AA meeting with me? She could always read, study or babysit during that time, but Im thinking it might be good for her to see sucess stories in the AA meeting.
I have been going to Al-anon for about 3 months, my daughter and I have talked about why I go to these meetings now that my ex-abf is out of my life. I explained to her that this seems to be a problem that happens over and over in my life. My mom, sister, her father (first husband) and now my ex-abf. I told her it is giving me the tools to stop this cycle, look inward and focus on me. That was about the end of the conversation and she did not have much to say about it... that was about 2 months ago.
She just came back from a 6 week vacation with her father.... it seems that he spent no time with her, and was at the bowling alley bar most of the time (his living together girlfriend is a bartender there as well) and one night when he got home they had a huge fight.... she is VERY honest in how she feels. WELL .... she was angry and decided to go outside, he was not pleased and manhandled her ..... restrained her physically and I honestly think really scared her.
She came to me two nights ago and asked if she could go to an Al-ateen meeting, I told her of course in fact there is one during my Al-anon meeting on Sundays so we are going as Mother/daughter now. Parts of me are happy that she will get the support, but another part of me feels the guilt in giving her not only an alcholic father, but also that she lived with my ex-abf for 6 months as well.
Another question, I go to an AA meeting first and then an Al-anon meeting. Do you think there is any harm in her going to the AA meeting with me? She could always read, study or babysit during that time, but Im thinking it might be good for her to see sucess stories in the AA meeting.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi...
Check and see if there is an age limit in the AA meeting.
My group allows no children under 18 unless they are alcoholics.
Be prepared to have profanity and very unsavory experiences shared. You just do not know who will share what!
A speakers meeting is usually more slanted to recovery successes.
You did not say how old she is. And maybe I am too protective...
Blessings to you and your daughter.
My group allows no children under 18 unless they are alcoholics.
Be prepared to have profanity and very unsavory experiences shared. You just do not know who will share what!
A speakers meeting is usually more slanted to recovery successes.
You did not say how old she is. And maybe I am too protective...
Blessings to you and your daughter.
Learning as I go
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 730
My daughter is 11 and she goes to NA meetings with me sometimes. There are addicts that range in age from 13 on up. The language isn't always the best, but in my mind she can see the worst of the worst. Not the people being the worst, but just what drugs can do to your life. She says it is a learning experience for her, that drugs and alcohol can take anyone down, young or old, rich or poor, educated or not. It's really your choice.
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Hey Cy, I grew up in Alateen. It will be a great place for your daughter. First of all, it will appease her feelings of being "the only one" with this problem. And it will give her other people her own age to share with.
No harm in her going to the AA meeting. I went to lots of those with my Alateen sponsor. They were very beneficial to me for a lot of reasons. I bet they will be helpful to your daughter as well.
As for feeling guilty...stop that right now.
Guess what?
I'm really glad that my Mom was an alcoholic.
If she wasn't, I never would have found the wonderful people that I found in the program.
Grey clouds, silver linings and all that.
No harm in her going to the AA meeting. I went to lots of those with my Alateen sponsor. They were very beneficial to me for a lot of reasons. I bet they will be helpful to your daughter as well.
As for feeling guilty...stop that right now.
Guess what?
I'm really glad that my Mom was an alcoholic.
If she wasn't, I never would have found the wonderful people that I found in the program.
Grey clouds, silver linings and all that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
My daughter will have her 16th birthday this friday.
Im not worried about the profanity.... there is NOTHING in a meeting they could say that my ex-AH has not said and I have never heard anything in an AA meeting that I would not want my daughter to hear... Well at least not so far. I have a really good home group though.
My Sponsor and I talked about it and I will ask them this weekend how they feel about her being there.. The only worry is that my daughter is VERY beautiful, so I will have to bring my bat... keep the big bad A's away from her *chuckles*.
There is one thing that worries me some.... my ex-abf has shown up there a few time. Not that I worry my daughter or he will say anything, But being my daughter she has REAL problems with people who have hurt me.... and she REALLY does not like my ex.
Gabe your right... I find it hard to hate my ex-abf or even be angry with him anymore, though he did awful things, and it hurt..... Im finding that there are SO many more blessing that have come to me for knowing him. Life is a balance
Im not worried about the profanity.... there is NOTHING in a meeting they could say that my ex-AH has not said and I have never heard anything in an AA meeting that I would not want my daughter to hear... Well at least not so far. I have a really good home group though.
My Sponsor and I talked about it and I will ask them this weekend how they feel about her being there.. The only worry is that my daughter is VERY beautiful, so I will have to bring my bat... keep the big bad A's away from her *chuckles*.
There is one thing that worries me some.... my ex-abf has shown up there a few time. Not that I worry my daughter or he will say anything, But being my daughter she has REAL problems with people who have hurt me.... and she REALLY does not like my ex.
Gabe your right... I find it hard to hate my ex-abf or even be angry with him anymore, though he did awful things, and it hurt..... Im finding that there are SO many more blessing that have come to me for knowing him. Life is a balance
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Anaheim,CA
Posts: 549
Consider changing your visitation agreement.
Anyone who uses profanity around his daughter, scares her and now, "manhandles" her needs to only have supervised visitation. 6 weeks with a mad man is not, IMHO, okay.
Anyone who uses profanity around his daughter, scares her and now, "manhandles" her needs to only have supervised visitation. 6 weeks with a mad man is not, IMHO, okay.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
That is not a problem.
She had the choice to go see him or not. She choose to go, and knew how it would be..... this is the first time for the manhandling....
Legally she does not have to visit again, in fact she did not "have" to go this last time, but after we talked alot about it all I allowed it because of her need to try one more time.
She will not be going again, and that too is her decision, she has already told her father.
She had the choice to go see him or not. She choose to go, and knew how it would be..... this is the first time for the manhandling....
Legally she does not have to visit again, in fact she did not "have" to go this last time, but after we talked alot about it all I allowed it because of her need to try one more time.
She will not be going again, and that too is her decision, she has already told her father.
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