scheffrn

The end of the month ends my first year of sobriety. It has been on my mind allot lately, not really craving ETOH, but definately missing the lifestyle and feeling like a failure because I cannot control my ETOH consumtion. The past few days I have been feeling very edgy and on the verge of panic attacks. Nothing in my life has changed. Today I had a major panic attack, enough to call my Dr.

She told me that what I am feeling is very common for alcoholics when they are approaching their 1st anniversary. Is that true? Cause I am thinking I should be excited yet when I think about it I get a knot in my gut and tears start flowing.

I am looking for suggestions on getting through this. Dr suggest counseling, have been going, not faithfully. Also AA meetings, don't go to them, don't really care for them but if they will help me get through this stage I will go.

fraankie

you are happy
you just don't realize it
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BILLY AT THE BAT 3/17/00

It looked extremely rocky for the Sudsville 9 that day
No one was keeping score nor cared what inning was in play
So, when Johnnie Walker fell flat on his face at second base
And Jack Daniels did the same
A thunderous cheer echoed and a Bud was raised by the patrons of the game

Soon another rummy came to bat, the fans, in silence, sat
STRIKE ONE! STRIKE TWO! STRIKE THREE!!!
YOU’RE OUT!!!
Head down, the batter walked away as the fans all yelled
“I’LL DRINK TO THAT”

Ernie Gallo was up next, he made it to base three
Then Julio, his brother, hit a high fly to the left fielder,
who was downing burgundy
But Ernie passed out halfway to home base
Julio stumbled, to first, the wrong way
As the Sudsville 9 sat hopeless in the dugout
The coach, Sam Adams, yelled out
“WE NEED SOMEONE WHO ISN’T DEAD DRUNK
THIS GAME TO PLAY”

The fans were silent, with blurry eyes they looked around
Was there anyone in the stand without a Miller in their hand
To down
Suddenly two stood up with their heads held high
Walked quietly,
confidently, up to the coach with determination
And a bit of procrastination
“TO WIN THIS GAME, WE”LL LIKE TO GIVE IT A TRY

Dr. Bob handed Bill W. the bat, with a cool calculating stare
Bill gripped it mightily, looked Dr. Bob in the eye assuredly
And said
“BOB, WITH YOUR HELP,
I’M KNOCKING JOHN BARLEYCORN
OUT OF HERE”

“BALONY” came the cry from the tipsy crowd as the Sudsville 9 looked on in despair
“No one can hit the ball without a drink” the fans all ranted
and raved as they grabbed another beer

Strike one; strike two came quickly as the umpire had a schnapps
Dr. Bob looked and wondered if Billy had met his match
Then the pitcher let the ball snap from his hand
Sending it to the plate, whistling thru the air at 90
miles per hour
Bill W. clenched his teeth and swung
The bat cracked as he hit the ball, sending it out of the
park, with all his power

Oh, somewhere not far away for another fan another hangover is brewing
Somewhere another band is playing off-key
As another team is losing
And somewhere someone is raising a beer to his lips as he looks
at the drunk next to him and says, “That’s not me”
But there’s an abundance of joy in Sudsville
Bill W. and Dr. Bob saved the day
For the homerun that they hit
Was the homerun that started AA

fraankie

yeah,
1st year jitters
in a funk because anniversary coming up
i have 10 years but i'm a failure
crying, etc

i heard them and
went thru them all

the whole deal is
you are sober
so
you are a success in the program
thew best is

"you are happy but you don't know it"
LOL

anyway, something someone with a lot of time, TOM F> shared with me is
"i see your improvement, a lot of times, you may not"
and
i go with it