gracie's mama

My sister-in-law is becoming a miserable, depressed and depressing person to live with and I'm becoming increasingly concerned about her happiness and well-being. She has been told by her M.D. that she should not drink and yet she continues to do so. After the slow, gradual effects of alcohol on her life have progressed, I am no longer able to determine whether she is speaking from the heart or if it's the liquor talking. She's so negative about all aspects of her life that I can't tell if she's clinically depressed or if the booze has ruined her appreciation of life in general. She has reasons to be depressed - single, never married, living in a small apartment with her 87 year old mother, retired teacher with a big chip on her shoulder regarding current education trends. I've read recently that some of the symptoms of alcohol abuse can manifest themselves in skin disorders and neurological damage that can result in numbness and itching in the extremities...she is experiencing these and more. She has alienated herself from most of her long-time friends (non-drinkers) although she occasionally tries to involve herself in our "group" activities. We recently had our annual ladies golf outing and she seemed to be miserable most of the time. She used to be the most interesting and delightful person to be around, but that is cerainly no longer the case. It makes me so sad to see how things have turned out. My children (both adults) don't really like to be around her but force themselves out of respect when necessary.
I suppose there isn't a whole lot I can do - especially if she won't admit that she has a problem. Can you do an intervention without having a specific program that the alcoholic can go to? Sometimes I think that she doesn't have a problem with alcohol as much as it may be a problem with depression. She doesn't admit to that either!
I needed to vent I guess...after spending three days with her and being affected by her unpleasantness. Even though I know she isn't the same sister-in-law of a number of years ago, her words and actions still hurt and confuse me.

Girlfriend

Hi Gracie's Mama,

Depression and alcoholism go hand in hand. Being a A that drank every day for 10 years (sober now for 11), I was always depressed. But, the depression came first.

Alcohol messes up our neurotransmitters in our brain. Serontonin, dopamine and epinephrine. Especially, with serotonin....if that's off in anyway, there's depression. Alcohol just intensifies the depressed.

When I became sober, I went on paxil, an anti-depressant and that helped me alot, but I also had to do the therapy. I had to face my fears and pain with a therapist and peel away the layers. It takes time, but having the two together is so important. Can't have one without the other.

If your sister-in-law doesn't admit that she's got a drinking problem, then it would be hard to do an intervention. They've got to want to get sober. I hit bottom a few times and still thought I could do it by myself. Until I finally had enough. Then, I wanted to be sober.

Have you tried al-anon meetings for yourself and any of the rest of the family? It's important for us to be able to take care of ourselves. We don't have control over the A's in our lives, but we can take care of ourselves and pray alot for the alcoholic.

If you're new to SR,.....welcome!! If not,...I just haven't "met" you yet and it's nice to "meetcha"

Hang in there, GM. I know it's hard to watch a loved one suffer.

JT

Hi and welcome!

Yes I believe alcoholism and depression are related. There aren't many cheerful alcoholics out there especially as the disease progresses and the consequences start adding up.

Make yourself at home!
Hugs,
JT

gracie's mama

Thanks, JT. I guess the chicken and the egg theory will never be resolved!

To Girlfriend - yes I'm new and thanks for the welcome. Your comments were very helpful. If my SIL decides to quit, she has a long road ahead of her. Meanwhile, I am going to find an al-anon group to join. I loved your prayer/quote at the end of your post. I'm going to staple it to my forehead!

cwohio

gracie's mama - welcome! this site is so awesome - hope to see you become a regular. so many great folks that will share their experience, strength and hope with you! definitely check out al-anon - the program is wonderful. also read the stickys. the A definitely has to want to change as girlfriend stated. but we don't have to sit and feel helpless - that's where al-anon and this site can help.

hugs - christie

saintintx

Alcoholic neuropathy can happen. The extremities get numb. My A BF has that. It went on for quite a while (along with swelling of the feet), and is very painful. He wasn't diagnosed with it until he got into rehab. He's been sober 7 months now and while he is getting some feeling back in his legs, his feet still are tingling and he says sometimes itchy. There is no guarantee that he'll ever be 'normal' again. It had gotten to the point to where he could hardly walk due to the pain. Not alot of doctors seem to know alot about alcohol neuropathy.

Of course alcohol can be you dehydrated and that will dry your skin, so that can be a cause too.