Mr. Christian

Hello all,
Well I was hoping to hear from the wife so she calls while I’m on my way to an Alanon meeting.

I made the simple error of answering the phone Hello Hun.
She screamed at me not to call her Hun.
I asked how she was and why she needed to act the way she was.
She told me she hated me.

Nice.
I told her about the sick kitty and she right away said to put it down.
She was calling about a disk of software she could not find and asked why I did not have it they’re for her.
(HUH?)

I asked if she got the letter about the Car Company filing a lawsuit against us for her car repo.
She started screaming that she was not going to handle it.
I told her that I had no plans to and she really did not want me to anyway.
She accused me of threatening her and hung up.

So she calls me back to tell me again she can not handle it and it was not her fault that she got in a car accident and was in a back brace and not her fault some guy got killed.

Well that pissed me off and I opened my mouth.
I told her if she was not cheating with her boyfriend and would have been home, none of it would have happened.
Well the Sh*$% hit the fan and she really went off the hook.

Now I’m sorry I’ve really had it with her treating me like this.
I called her back and told her that I did not want to argue, but this must be dealt with.
Well I got accused of everything under the sun.
She was shouting at her son, her dog, and me!
I’m the one driving a BMW; I should take care of it all!

You know I’m MAD AS HELL right now.
To think I wanted to hear from her!

minnie

Be very careful what you wish for! Actually, you might not have got what you wanted, but you got what you needed, imho. Maybe this exchange is what it takes for you to break the chains that have been binding you.

walkingtheline

(((Chris))) It hurts to suddenly find out who they really are. We just had this talk...acting and/or fantasy vs. reality.

She's with another man. Has no use for you. Feels no responsibility to bills she made. Shows you no respect. Let me repeat that-she shows you no respect.
Maya Angelou says-when people show you who they are, believe them.

Believe her Chris...it's time to plan YOUR life for YOU.

GettingBy

This is such a true statement. We wish for them to go away and leave us alone, then we get it and we freak out because we don't know what they are up to. We wish they'd stop drinking, then they do and we freak out because we're not use to them sober and are looking for them to slip. We wish they would call us, then they do and we're reminded of just how sick they are and why we chose to not contact them.

I'm sorry this happened Mr. C, but I truly believe this is God telling you to let her go. She's not healthy for you. She's not going to take responsibility, it's just not within her abilities right now.

I hope you kept on your course and still went to your meeting! Take care of you!

Hugs,
Shannon

CatsTail

As someone else just stated when someone shows you who they are believe them. Don't try in your mind to make it any other way.

Keep it simple, cut the ties that bind you to her if you are ready.

Ngaire

EndOfRoadWife

It doesn't even sound like she has sympathy for anyone, not even the human being that was killed in the car accident..When you live your life having no feelings for anyone, the world will come crashing down....She doesn't sound very happy with herself... You are on a better road than she is..

cwohio

i agree that this might be exactly what your HP wanted for you. i hope this is a catalyst for you to go foward a few more steps and leave her behind.

Pick-a-name

Shannon: Very well said, indeed!

((Mr.C))

Cap3

Hey Mr.Christian,understandable why you are mad.Yupper.Its good to share and get your feeling and thought out.Then you are more clearer within yourself.Won't change her.But you will feel better,for sure.I know that for myself i just had to give up my expectations of sick folks.There was a gal in program who would always ask, me,why do you expect sick folks to behave normal.?Man, this was to **** me off at times.But its so true.Its my expectations,that get my goat.Life on lifes terms says that sick folks will never behave well until they get help.All my being upset,angry,even confused,im hurting myself here.Im the one hurt,and they continue on.I was also asked to pray for the folks that im upset with.This helps give me peace.And this all works for me.I still get annoyed with folks.But that feeling like i want to really get into it with another, {because of their behaviour },i let go,let God..Why bother anyways.Im the one who will get the ulcer,if i continue with my expectaions,lol...One Day At A Time.
Speaking of BMW,s.I was backing up my car,the other day.For the very first time,i didn't turn my head around,but used my mirror only.Things are much closer than,may appear,and this is true.I hit the back end of this car.It is fixed now.I payed cash.So,now, im the proud owner,of a BMW,s ass....lol
Thanks for sharring how you feel today,
Thanks for letting me share
God Bless,take care!!!!!!!!!

leem03

GettingBy is so right. We want so badly for things to change and when they do we don't know what to do with ourselves. Unfortunately, it sounds as if your hasn't done much changing yet. She is still the one pulling your chains. She is mad because you are not helping her THIS TIME. Good for you! She is mad because you stood up for yourself and are not allowing her to take you down that road with you...again, Good for you!

You are doing all the right things, keep them up. She will either jump on the right track with you or will eventually realize that your trains are heading into two way different directions and hopefully will then realize what life is supposed to be about.

I know the yelling and screaming is hard. I know hearing you're to blame is hard, even when you know it's not true. It's hard to listen to them bad mouth us, but keep remembering inside that you are doing what's right and you will get through this mess we call life!

Mr. Christian

Hi one and all!

Thank you all for writing, I do not know where to begin!
I have to look at the fact of her being an alcoholic playing a major roll in all of this.
It makes any type of contact, or getting along very hard.

I really do not hear from her or my stepson unless something is needed. We all know this.
Now, this little episode made me think a lot.
Both good and bad I might add, and this fact that it did get me so mad.
I thought all day about if I did the right thing.
Did she really call about something else and use the disk as an accuse?
Was her intention just to talk and get info?
Did I blow this in anyway?
I’m not sure, and I do believe that I did not ask to be handled this way.
I hate screaming, really. My mother the “A” would scream all the time.

You all have made some great points here.

This was insane. I do not need this.




Christian

GettingBy

Well I could have saved you a whole day of thinking... You did the right thing!! I've learned that I have wasted too much of my precious life trying to figure out just what the hell my husband is thinking, or what his motives are. I was always second guessing myself, or trying to figure out the "game." Only problem was that the rules are NEVER the same with an alcoholic (or a codependent for that matter). Sick minds are not something I want to spend too much energy/time trying to understand, unless it's mine of course!

That sounds like a good mantra to me!! Repeat after me...
This was insane. I do not need this.
This was insane. I do not need this.
This was insane. I do not need this.

Do I need to keep going?

Big hugs Christian!
Shannon

Mr. Christian

No Shannon,

I think I got it. Sad though, a very beautiful and caring woman transformed into this.

I know not what to say.

CatsTail

You say:

I don't need this in my life.

It's bad for me.

It's negative for me.

I deserve to love and care for myself.

I deserve positive and loving people in my life.

I deserve to be happy.

I deserve to move on from the negative loads.

Ngaire

GettingBy

Christian,

What you said was perfect. It is sad. It's sad to sit back and watch our loved ones succumb to this ugly, horrific, selfish disease. For me, it's heartbreaking to step back and watch my husband repeatedly engage in behavior he knows is ruining his and our life. He has so much potential and together we had so many dreams of what our life was suppose to be.

It is sad and it deserves some mourning, but for my own sake, it doesn't deserve dwelling. I have so much potential. I am a beautiful, loveable, person who deserves a rich, joy-filled life. And I will go on and life that, no matter what my husband choses for himself.

I hope today brings you some peace and calm, and some freedom from your pain.
Thinking of you,
Shannon

CatsTail

My Alanon sponsor told me to LIVE!

My BF is a total Dry Drunk at this point in time, has very little to give to our relationship, is totally self-destructive and negative to himself.

And my spirits are excellent because I;m working both my programs and taking care of ME.

I can't go down with him and I refuse to.

Ngaire

Mr. Christian

Hi,
Last night and this morning brought constant waking up and dreams of my wife.
It was a continuing dream that would pick up where it left off after I fell back to sleep.
In the dream she came down off the mountain to visit me, to explain things and was very nice but sad also.

Why the heck have this now?
I was all pissed off there for a couple days.
It doesn’t last though. I’m not really a hateful person.

NG:

I'm really trying to live, sometimes it's not that easy.
I'm trying to handle the legal end also, but my $ is tight.

GB:

TY for writing. I look at myself also and what I have.
Sometimes I see nothing. I see a beaten person.
No real future in what I have to offer.
Other times I can be happy with what I have.
But I see all these people walking around, happy, smiles, and love and couples, my God I thought I had that.

I do so want that.