Scared2Bme

Hello all, I was refered here by a friend. Let me fill you in on some history.

My father grew and sold pot, along with meth. He passed me my first joint at 13 yrs old, also gave me acid at 13. I became his best customer and have now been smoking non stop, 5-10 times a day for over 10years now(24yrs old). I never saw it as a gateway drug myself, I don't enjoy the high of any other drug but pot. I have anger management issues, and the pot keeps me mellow. My girl who I have been with for 8yrs has smoked along with me.

We have been struggling to quit for some time now. I spend over $600 a month on the stuff. We wan't to start a family but we know we can't continue to smoke if we do so. We both agreed to quit two days ago on the first of August.

First day was'nt to bad but today I am struggling. Many have refered me to NA but I'll tell you now that we will not go. I strongly believe we can do this on our own. NA will be the last option on our list.

The anxiety is getting to me, I am going to try some St. Johns wort to kill the anxiety. I have been doing whatever I can to keep my mind busy. I can't stop thinking about the relief I'd feel If I smoked. I also smoke cigs and I have gone from a pack a day to 2 packs a day in the last few days. I don't drink so I can't use that as a crutch.

I need some support, someone to relate with, someone who has made it through this addiction, someone to telll me its going to be ok. Help me!!!!

PlanoTexican

One Pothead to another.

My name is Bob and I am a pot addict. Smoked pot for 37 years. Daily for 30 years. I quit smoking pot 4/30/05.

Get rid of the weed you have left. Get rid of related items too, papers, pipes. Tell everyone you know of your decision to quit. Stay away from those who tell you pot is not a problem. Pray to your higher power. Read all the posts that you can stand on this site. Then read some more. Walking helps, petting the dog or cat, Clean something. Your car, home, pet. You can do this if I can.

Remember when reading posts. I have found that an addiction is an addiction. Pot, pills, alcohol whatever it really does not matter. The mindset is the same. Never be afraid to ask questions. Some would say that pot is really not addictive. I think that you already know better than that.

I could not have done this on my own. The fine folks on SR helped me realize that I had a problem, and through reading many, many posts I found the strength to help myself and my wife. I have stopped taking my allergy medicine as it was the pot and cigarettes that were causing those problems.

I can tell you that once you do life will get better. The things that have been the most difficult is lack of sleep and change of eating habits. ALWAYS smoked before eating and going to bed. Once you can admit your problem it seemed to make everything easier.

It is really great not having to worry about being stopped by the law and searched because the lawman smelt something in the car. I have been worrying about this ever since I got my drivers license at age 15.

You are the only one that can decide to get clean and stay that way. Some people have had great success with NA or other 12 step programs. That is your decision to make also.

Feel free to PM me if you would like to talk more about it.

Good luck with success.

Scared2Bme

Hello Bob, names Adam thanks for the reply. Wow 37 years! Thats what I am afraid of, never letting go. Thats why I am doing this now. I have friends similiar to you that have smoked the majority of their lives. It must of been really tough for you after that many years. I am proud of you for quitting, that must of took a lot of guts.

The last few days have been a rollercoaster ride. I get positive, then negative, then positive,ect. I am really looking forward to being clean, I hate how it feels like the pot controls me. I have tried to take control and limit myself to once a day but it just does'nt work. I am either a full blown addict or I am clean, there is no inbetween for me.
The sleeping and eating? How long does this last? I feel like I am starving but when I look at food or try to eat, I get nausus and feel like I wan't to vomit. Once I am asleep I am fine, my dreams are extremely clear and vivid. Getting to a point where I am ready to sleep is a problem. Yesterday I slept for over 15hrs straight, and I coulda slept some more but I have to go to work.

There is no pot in the house, I even scraped out all the resin from everything this last weekend so I would'nt get the urge to smoke the resin. Thats when I realize I am an addict, when I scrape the resin to get a buzz, its just nasty.

I have been a fan of bongs this whole time and I have collected over a dozen pieces, I am selling most of them off since I spent lots of money on them. The other paraphanelia(sp?) papers, pipes, trays, containers, all that crap I bagged up and gave it all to my friend a few minutes ago.

My girl has been handling this pretty well, besides getting snappy here and there but thats to be expected. One thing that worries me is how restless I have become, I can't just sit and watch TV, I have to be occupied, I worry that I will neglect my girl, We need to find something that we can both do together. I spend a lot of time on the PC, All of its positive time spent, like coming here or looking up info about quiting ect.

As far as a crutch did you do/use anything to get you threw it(St.Johns, alchohol,ect.) I really hate alchohol so thats out of the question. Cigs have become my crutch, not good. I smoke way more then I ever have but after a point they make me sick and I have to layoff for a while. Someone recomended St. Johns for anxiety, have you heard of this?

Anyways thanks for relating with me Bob, Other forums I have looked at treat pot addicts like its a joke. I appreciate the support. I am glad someone is here that I can talk to.

Chy

Hi and welcome to SR,

You seem like you've got the "shoulds" and "should nots" down pretty pat. You seem to realize what you can and can't do so I just say kudos to you on your effort, it's not easy at first for any of us but know it can be done, it is done everyday, so hang in there, it will get better and the emotional rollercoaster ride is all part of it. Be strong, you can do this!

I_am_tj

Hi S2bme,
My brother-in-law had a really bad addiction to pot. He quit (mostly for money
concerns). He did really well after a few days. I was suprised! He had this
horrible cough and that cleared up really soon too. He's tells us that since he
quit it's been the best thing he ever done and you should see all the things he
gets done now!!!!!!!! He told us he has tons of energy now. This was about a
year ago, or so. He looks a lot better too, his eye are white and wide open.

hope this helps,
hugs,
tj

recoveringaddic

you mention you and your girlfriend have this addiction. i strongly advise you to first get yourself together before you can help someone else. it doesn't matter if you done drugs 1 day or 40 years you can live a clean and sober life if you have that will, and just by you clicking on to this site let's me know that you want to be clean and sober. here is an inspirational poem for you.

STARTING OVER

THE SHAME, DISGUST, SO BEATEN SO FAR,
TO START OVER WOULD SET THE BAR.

THE WORRY, THE PAIN, NOT HONEST I CAME
TO START OVER WOULD BE THE SAME.

THE PROBLEMS, THE JOBS,THE CHIRLDREN MY LOVER
TO START OVER WOULD BE ANOTHER

MY FITS, I PANIC, SO WORRIED, SO SCARED
TO START OVER MY'S WORRIEST FEAR

I PRAY, I DON'T, I'AM WEAK I'AM THROWN
TO START OVER AM I ALONE

I CLAPPED MY HANDS AND STOMPED MY FEET,
TO START OVER WOULD THAT BE ME

THE FAITH I HAVE FOR FAMILY, FRIENDS AND ME,
TO START OVER WOULD BE OUR TREAT

SO I'LL START OVER SO BRAVE AND TRUE
AND TRUST IN MY LORD JUST LIKE I DO.

GOD BLESS YOU,
recoveringaddic

Time2Surrender

Welcome to SoberRecovery. I would recommend Narcotics anonymous as a crutch.Through out the paraphenelia.If you keep it,its pretty much saying your not really done.As for St Johns Wart? You can do a Google search and find plenty.However,even with natuaral remedies I believe its best to talk to a Doctor first.

PlanoTexican

**I don’t know if it was guts or reading my own life story on this site, over and over being lived out by others.**

**The same for me. I really did not realize that pot was controlling my life to the extent that it was. After about two weeks I started to level out with the emotions.**

**I had trouble eating for about a month. I always smoked before I ate and it took awhile to get that leveled out. Sleeping was my biggest problem. I just couldn’t sleep. Benadryl was a big help with sleeping for me.**

**Yeah, and does it ever make you reek.**

**Good choice!**

**My wife of 26 years quit at the same time as me. Yes we did some fighting and arguing for a while. But then we made up. That was something that we could do together, if you get my drift! <grin>

**No I didn’t use anything. And We had quit smoking cigarettes about a month before we laid down the pot. For a while I wished that I had quit the pot first, but as you have found I too would have traded pot smoking for more cigarette smoking. Now that it has been over 90 days from the pot, I am glad that I did it the way I did. I have lost all desire to smoke anything. Most would say that I am in danger of relapsing. They are entitled to their opinion.**

**You are so right about that, :pot is not a problem". We know better, don’t we.

lulu70

Hello, Adam! Welcome to SR. Glad you found us. My name is Laura and I am a recovering alkie/pothead with a precious 17+ months clean and sober. I smoked pot for over 17 years, on a daily basis for the last 9. However, I continued to believe I was not an addict because "pot isn't physically addictive." Now I realizie that is a load of hookey. I never imagined how difficult it would be to quit. I was going to day treatment for the alcohol, which I knew was a major problem, but I had to admit myself for residential treatment when I couldn't give up the pot. Forget the resin--I was such a pothead I drained my bong water and smoked the dregs. Talk about disgustingly desperate. Anyway--just wanted to let you know you are not alone and you can do this. We are all here for you....

Hugs--

tyler

Hey Adam, another recovering pothead here. I'm 36 and smoked daily, constentantly would be a better description, for the better (or worse actually!!) part of the last 17 years. In the end it ended up costing me just about everything, wife, kid, house, job, almost my life in the end. (from the depression from not being able to quit) I was spending over $1000 a month on pot when I quit, I would burn between an 1/8 and a 1/4 a day, depending on the quality. I've been clean since Feb 15th (with the exception of smoking a joint in May, bad experience, but made me appreciate not smoking even more) Anyway, that's my background, as far as your questions go....

As far as the rollercoaster I can very much identify with that. I rode that rollercoaster for many years. I'd quit and then convince myself that I didn't really have a problem, despite all evidence to the contrary.

I could never control it either, but I have to say if you put a joint in front of my today I could pass on it. It took me a long time to get to that point, but I just know that I just can't smoke it. It just screws me up!! Like you I can't just stop with a toke or two, I gotta smoke the whole bag till it's gone and then I want more. I guess that is called being addicted!!

The sleep thing has always been an issue for me too. Getting to sleep is the problem, not staying asleep. I used the pot to get me to sleep for so long that I guess I forgot how to get there myself. That continues to be a problem for me, but looking back, it's always been a problem. I just try to relax and realize that sleep will come eventually if I just relax. The sleep I get is definately of better quality than when I was stoned all the time, and like you say, vivid dreams!! Kinda cool actually!!

When I quit I had no appitite for a week or so, and then started binging on food!! In some respects I replaced the weed with food binges on occasion, but at this point I look at it as an exercise in harm reduction. I can live with the occasional food binge if I'm staying off the pot I guess! I'm sure not perfect and never will be, so I'll just say I'm working on that one!

I've smoked more resin than I'd like to admit!! Makes me sick just thinking about that stanky, nasty, goo!! Nuff said there!!

Depression has been a major issue for me, and part of my smoking was an attempt at self medication. For many the depression goes away once you quit smoking, though it does take awhile. As I'm sure you are aware, pot stays in your system a long time. I tested positive for over 3 months after I quit and I knew someone in treatment (yes I went to inpatient treatment, twice, for smoking pot!!) who tested positive for 4 months!! Because of this, the effects on your brain chemistry can linger for a good while. There is some evidence that pot can cause permenant brain damage, leading to clinical depression. My wife, well ex-wife now, is clinical director of a substance abuse facility, we made a great pair!! Anyway, she keeps up on research on stuff like this and she told me about some studies linking pot to depression. Personally I take anti-depressants, but I would only recomend going that route of the depression becomes severe. As far as St. John's wart goes, never did anything for me, but if it helps you, it's not harmful as far as I know. As for alcohol, I would STRONGLY recommend against that, it became a problem in itself for me. It sounds like you have already made that decision, and I would say it's a good one.

What it finally came down to for me was realizing that the pot was screwing up my life. After all I lost, you would think a blind man could see it, but it took me a long time. However, once I came to accept that, I just couldn't smoke, it became somewhat easy. I won't say easy, but it does get easier with time. I dont' think I could be around it. If it were in front of me, I think I'm finally to the point where I could pass, but I could not hang around it any length of time. It's just not worth the risk for me.

I'm rebuilding my life now. I started a new job this week, after being out of work for 7 months. I am going back to school in 2 weeks too. I hope to be able to move back to the same town as my ex next summer so I can see my son more often, but right now I'm back living with my parrents 1000 miles away. It's free, and more importantly safe for me.

Well that's probably more than you wanted to know!!! I will tell you that this place has been a huge part of me getting and staying clean. Good luck on your journey, share your experience with us, you never know if your words just might help someone out there. Take care.

Scared2Bme

Wow! I don't know what to say, This is way more support then I ever expected. To think my whole life I was taught that weeds not addictive, yet there are probably hundreds, no thousands of us out there.

Time: When I said I am selling "most" of my pieces, I meant that the few I did not sell I gave away to my friend. I plan to have everything out of the house as soon as the few remaining bongs are sold. Heck I'd like to throw em' out but most of the pieces I spent $100+ on and one of the pieces I actually spent $250+. I just can't throw away money so I am trying to get some cash for it, everythings half off so its going pretty quick, just a few more to sell. I keep them behind closed doors, out of sight out of mind. I am determined to never look back, I am forced to get rid of pieces that are very sentimental to me, my dead uncles pipe(alchoholism age 47) and one of them was a b-day present from my girl. Its tough but they gotta go.

The last bag I bought I told my dealer "Dude, if your my friend, whatever I tell you don't ever sell to me again!" He looked at me with that are you serious look on his face, I said yes please be a friend and refuse me service. He agreed.

I feel good right know. I really am happy about being able to drive without freaking out everytime a cop rolls by. Even if I had nothing on me I'd still freak and have panick attacks.If I was pulled over for the littlest thing(registration) I would shake so bad the cops would search the vehicle because I seemed so nervous.

Tyler: I can relate to the food binge slightly, last two days when I get a craving I eat CANDY! Sweet candy, sugary candy,mmmm candy. Have a nerds rope sitting in front of me as I type. I guess the price of cavaties will be less then the dough I spend on pot

lulu: Yah been there done that, sifting bong water is very low. I have even picked through my carpet to find something to burn. The worste was when I scraped the build up off the inside of a bong that had been sitting stagnent for over four years. The stuff that came out looked like dirt and tasted like butt rot. I still smoked the whole pile of crap. Blech!

I believe I have the hand to mouth addiction, the candy really helps. Lets compare the two shall we. Pot goes from hand to mouth, so does candy. Pot taste good, so does candy, Pot makes you happy(ussually) so does candy. I think I've found my crutch for the moment

Another thing I forgot to add in the base post. My father got popped when I was 17, It was scary like the stuff you see on C.O.P.S. The police pulled me from my sleep, boxers on only, guns in my face, threw me to the floor, and believe it or not the frikin dog pissed on my back. They then made me walk two blocks in the rain, in my boxers, to the swat car up the street. The cop then proceeded to drive me back to my driveway to pick up my sister, wuzup with that? Oh yeah, during the 30min ride to the Juvinal hall, the cop was cutting the cheese the whole way there and crackin himself up while doing so. . Kinda funny to read now but that was one of the scariest nights of my life. Guess what my dad got off scot free, he pinned it on my mom who spent a year in jail. One cool thing, a cop musta felt sorry for me, at the bottom of my huge garbage can he/she left a complete bong and carefully set my tray at the bottom of the trash as to not spill a flake. I was able to get high the seconed I got home from Juvee. Oh yeah I had about a dozen pieces at the time and they all made the front page of the local paper. I was kinda famous in my town for a while.

Well its been 73hrs clean. Only a lifetime to go! I can't begin to express my gratitude to all of you for relating with me, you all give me hope. Thankyou

staying strong,
Adam

PlanoTexican

Since pot is the most widely used illegal drug. It seems to me it probably has more addicted people than any other drug. Pot just softly addicts you in a way that is not noticed, by yourself or others.

Most people can function, hold a job, raise a family. After you have smoked a while other people would have difficulty noticing you are using unless they smell it.

Scared2Bme

Cool I woke up this morning and the first thought on my mind was'nt pot! I did'nt even think about pot till I hopped on the pc. I thinks this is a good sign. Each day I am kicking the urge more and more. The major side effect of quitting for me is: Being a smart ass. I just can't bite my lip. I speak my mind a little to much! Probably just the mood swings, I am sure that will fade with time.

84hrs clean, a lifetime to go!
Adam

Scared2Bme

100 hours clean. I am proud of myself!!! I feel good!

Val-light

Hi Scared,
Congratulations on numerous clean hours! I'm looking for some motivation for myself today...thank you for being an inspiration!
Val

PlanoTexican

Greetings Adam,

Try to make sure you have some positive things to do lined up for the upcoming week-end.

Scared2Bme

Thanks for the advice Plano, I work this weekend and I recieved a shipment of supplies to get me going on my hobby project, Robotics!

One thing I am happy about is that I thought movies/cartoons would'nt be funny to me without the pot. I watched Napolean Dynomite for the seconed time yesterday and I think I laughed more then the first time I saw it high. Thank goodness I have'nt lost my sence of humor, I was worried.

Scared2Bme

Quick Question? Has anyone ever noticed a lack of sex drive due to quiting pot? I am ussually quite active but since I quit, I rarely have been in the mood. I am sure this lack of drive will fade with a few weeks(I hope).

hopealwayz

Hey Adam, it is great watching your progress!
Hang in there !

shockozulu

When you have time, I want to hear more. This sounds really interesting. (I am a space head and love all those assorted hobbies like robotics)
You'll just notice the difference between a good comedy and a bad one

I'm with Val on this one, please keep us posted in-between your trips to the Robotics box to let us know how you are doing. You are inspiring me as well.