2 days down..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: lakeme
Posts: 27
2 days down..
I am 2 days sober coming off a slip from hell. I snorted my posion (oxycotin) and I immeditaly felt ****** for what I did .. The only thing that helped me in the past was when I went to rehab ..I was going to try to go back but instead..I am going to to try give this program a shot. I am suffering from depression, and low self esteem and dont really have any friends any more. I know they say to get a sponsor right away and call people but I am going to wait till I feel comfortable to do all that ..is this allright?
I was bored so I wrote this I dont know why I am sharing it..it just a bunch of rambling.
July 31’st was the day
woke up and realized what I did yesterday.
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If I can only remember all the pain that using has caused me can I stop chasing drugs? What about the throwing up, staying up all night, feeling uncomfortable and depressed. Do you want all that back for one lousy high. You know that you are going to feel like **** and you can not live a normal life using drugs but you still used. I let the doctor prescribe me something I knew I was going to abuse, went around people that I knew would want me to go back to it. Now im 2 days clean from dope and its almost out of my system. Even though its gone I got to always remember them. Days because they could come back if I don’t watch my ass.
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Its hard going to meetings it hard talking about my problems. Sometimes I feel like no one understands me and I am more far gone then others. Sometimes I feel like others been through more and I can recover too if I gave it a chance. Sometimes I do not know what to feel and just want to not feel anything at all. That is my problem I need to get out of myself and in to the solution. Recovery is not easy but either is life but recovery will make life much easier to deal with. Today I need not to take advantage of others and do something myself so I can benefit from it. I need to make friends so I do not feel alone. Why is it hard for me to talk to others. Maybe because I would not be social unless I was high so I need to learn how to be social all over again. But how will others react to me? That what I need to not care about I need to stop letting fear control me. Emotions should not control me. Self Esteem is something Im going to have to earn. You do not get self esteem by getting high or always wondering what people are going to think. Learn to live let god take control and steer away from temptation. If you know that you are doing right no one else can make you feel like ****. Take it one day at a time. Make sure you help other especially those who helped you. One day I will regain peace of mind and not feel like this but it is a test from god right now. I can stay clean by reading, listing, writing, talking, and exercising. Positive thoughts will dull out the bad ones. I can live with what I done if the past if I can live with what I am doing today. First thing is first and that is staying clean.
<o:p></o:p>
I was bored so I wrote this I dont know why I am sharing it..it just a bunch of rambling.
July 31’st was the day
woke up and realized what I did yesterday.
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
If I can only remember all the pain that using has caused me can I stop chasing drugs? What about the throwing up, staying up all night, feeling uncomfortable and depressed. Do you want all that back for one lousy high. You know that you are going to feel like **** and you can not live a normal life using drugs but you still used. I let the doctor prescribe me something I knew I was going to abuse, went around people that I knew would want me to go back to it. Now im 2 days clean from dope and its almost out of my system. Even though its gone I got to always remember them. Days because they could come back if I don’t watch my ass.
<o:p></o:p>
Its hard going to meetings it hard talking about my problems. Sometimes I feel like no one understands me and I am more far gone then others. Sometimes I feel like others been through more and I can recover too if I gave it a chance. Sometimes I do not know what to feel and just want to not feel anything at all. That is my problem I need to get out of myself and in to the solution. Recovery is not easy but either is life but recovery will make life much easier to deal with. Today I need not to take advantage of others and do something myself so I can benefit from it. I need to make friends so I do not feel alone. Why is it hard for me to talk to others. Maybe because I would not be social unless I was high so I need to learn how to be social all over again. But how will others react to me? That what I need to not care about I need to stop letting fear control me. Emotions should not control me. Self Esteem is something Im going to have to earn. You do not get self esteem by getting high or always wondering what people are going to think. Learn to live let god take control and steer away from temptation. If you know that you are doing right no one else can make you feel like ****. Take it one day at a time. Make sure you help other especially those who helped you. One day I will regain peace of mind and not feel like this but it is a test from god right now. I can stay clean by reading, listing, writing, talking, and exercising. Positive thoughts will dull out the bad ones. I can live with what I done if the past if I can live with what I am doing today. First thing is first and that is staying clean.
<o:p></o:p>
Sweet Sounds of Heaven
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Point Blue, Louisiana
Posts: 1,144
betterdayz, Welcome to SR you will find alot of support and healing here.
Sounds like you know what to do to stay clean. You can do this and you don't have to do it alone.
Great advice you wrote:
" Learn to live let god take control and steer away from temptation."
It worked for me.
p.s. A friend that I went to High School with died last week from a overdose of oxy.
Wishing you the best on a road to a better you.
With God all things are possible.
Your Sister in Recovery
True Blue
Sounds like you know what to do to stay clean. You can do this and you don't have to do it alone.
Great advice you wrote:
" Learn to live let god take control and steer away from temptation."
It worked for me.
p.s. A friend that I went to High School with died last week from a overdose of oxy.
Wishing you the best on a road to a better you.
With God all things are possible.
Your Sister in Recovery
True Blue
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: lakeme
Posts: 27
If I could only delete the negative things that I did in the past out of my mind I would feel better. It like i am being Haunted by my past. I just hope for peace of mind one day I do not want to die and I am only 18 but I feel like that is the last thing left since I already been to jail and institutions.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: somewhere
Posts: 3,384
Hi Betterdayz, you sound so much like me with those words you wrote. That was me word for word except my posion was coke. july 29 was the last day I used and I'm still fighting cravings from hell. wonder if the cravings will ever end?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Queensland Australia
Posts: 15
Hi Betterdayz,
Instead of wishiing you could delete all of the negative things you have done in the past,(which is totally impossible), try to use those negative things as lessons, and try to use what you have learnt from those lessons in a positive way to avoid treading that path again. You sound like you really want to quit, and put your life back together. You're in the right place, with people who care about you , and who wish you success in your quest for peace of mind.
Greg.
Instead of wishiing you could delete all of the negative things you have done in the past,(which is totally impossible), try to use those negative things as lessons, and try to use what you have learnt from those lessons in a positive way to avoid treading that path again. You sound like you really want to quit, and put your life back together. You're in the right place, with people who care about you , and who wish you success in your quest for peace of mind.
Greg.
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