When does it get easier to trust?

Old 08-01-2005, 05:53 PM
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When does it get easier to trust?

My husband and I have been together for 11 years and have a 4 year old daughter. When we met my husband was drinking and doing crack. I told him in the beginning that I had no interest in someone who did crack so he discontinued using but continued drinking. I, at that stage in my life thought it was no big deal that he drank and I figured since he stopped doing crack it wouldn't ever be an issue. I guess I thought that way becuase I used to smoke pot and drink also and it was no big deal to give it up and grow up.

1 year ago, June I found out my husband had been using crack. It devistated me! I still sometimes can't believe it! He told me he didn't have a problem and that he would stop. For some reason, again I beleived him. Since then I caught him twice. At that point he thought it would be a good idea to go to an outpatient program. He has since completed his program and, to my knowledge has not used.

I question everything he does and it just about makes me insane! Does the trust ever come back?
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Old 08-01-2005, 06:27 PM
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My AH is an alcoholic and crack addict. I understand your trust issue. In the beginning of my relationship with my AH- I gave him the same ultimatum- no crack or I'm gone kinda thing. And for a while he quit (or hid it very well) but now- after two years of marriage I realize that whether it is crack or liqour- if he is using any of it- it is all the same. He is an addict- no matter what he is using. And if you've caught your Ah twice- chances are that there are many other times you just haven't caught him. I know it's hard to know what to do - I am living with that every day too. My son is 9 years old- and old enough he knows what is really going on- to some extent. his real dad is dead- and my AH is the only dad he has really ever known. I am sorry for what you are going through- you are not alone.
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Old 08-02-2005, 11:48 AM
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Trust is earned and is not a given.

No matter whether it is crack or alcohol the proof is in the pudding so to speak.

I have learned through working the Al-Anon program that my questions about him and his behaviors are less important that what I am doing, what my motives, and behaviors are.

That does not mean I accept the unacceptable but it means I must keep my focus on my part and my recovery rather than what those around me are doing?

If you havent tried Al-Anon why not give it a go. You may find that at face to face meetings and having a sponsor can help you change the things you can and accept the things you can not change.
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