Need thoughts and help strategizing...

Old 08-01-2005, 01:22 PM
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Need thoughts and help strategizing...

Hi all. I need some thoughts. Sorry if this gets long. I keep going through the same cycle. For about 2 - 3 weeks or so, I am basically content with his drinking. Honestly, it really doesn’t even bother me when he has several beers in the evening each night. I think I’m used to that, so I don’t get all freaky about it. Then he starts getting worse with it. First he wants to go out after work for drinks and asking me to go out all the time. Then he goes on a 4-day binge where he drinks all day, like Friday – Monday. During that time, he goes over the edge. These are just a couple of examples. He’ll go to a friend’s house and get plastered. His friend’s mom calls me to come get him, and what am I supposed to tell a mom. So I get there, and even his friends are completely annoyed with him (anytime he’s out around friends, he goes over the edge). Then Saturday, I was at his office, and he was drinking beer in a styrofoam cup during a work shift! There were only 2 or 3 people in the office (during the week, it’s 15 + his boss), but that is still outrageous! Then yesterday, we had walked across to say hello to our neighbor (they don’t seem to notice or else care that he’s been drinking, and they’re older and sweet). I went back to check on dessert in the oven, and he followed to take the BBQ off the grill. I looked out after a few minutes to see if he was bringing in dinner, and his car was gone. 3 hours later, he showed up…went to a friend’s house. We were in the middle of making dinner, and he didn’t even come tell me he was going. And I sit at home crying, deciding I can’t take any more. I start to daydream about leaving, looking for jobs in the closest major city, researching apartments, posting here, etc. I get to a point like today where I’m not even sure I love him. I don’t want him to touch me, drunk or sober. Then BOOM, without me even saying anything, he’s back to square one, calmly having a few at night at home, telling me he’s sorry he didn’t think to tell me where he was going or whatever, sending me sweet e-mails from work, etc. After a day, I get over it, and life proceeds. I just don’t hold grudges. Can I handle the roller coaster cycle anymore? I know it’s not healthy for me. But if I am actually going to leave, I need to be frustrated with him starting the exact day I get another job for exactly 2 weeks and 1 day. I don’t have another job yet, but I would need to give 2 weeks notice at my job and then on that last day, tell him, take off, and never speak to him again (since I’m a sucker and give in to apologies). But I know these cycles. At this point I am today, mad and disgusted, if I had another job offer, I could take it, give 2 weeks notice at my current job, and make plans to go (apartment hunting, etc.). But then in a day or 2 when he’s back to sweet husband again, I would not be able to follow through. I can’t leave when he’s being my nice husband and friend, and we’re getting along. And then I wouldn’t have my job anymore, I would have to tell him that, and he would be seriously mad, and even worse, I would be unemployed. This is the very best job I could have in THIS town, but if I’m leaving my H, I am leaving for another city with lots of opportunities and good-paying jobs. So it’s not like I want to keep this job if I’m leaving him. I could for a while during the transition and proving that I could do it, but I’d have to sign at least a 6-month lease somewhere, and I don’t even want to be in the same town as him if we’re not together (it’s relatively small). Sorry this is so long. Are you confused yet? Thoughts??????
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Old 08-01-2005, 01:27 PM
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Hi TG,
I went through wanting to leave my xabf from almost three months into the relationship. His promises of change and him crying to me, saying he was sorry and he didn't understand why he did the things he did, kept me with him. I loved him and still do. In the end, I chose to end it with him, I then moved on to a bigger city. We both also lived in a small town; now I'm in a different state.

I miss him at times; but in my heart I know I couldn't deal with the stress anymore.

I guess only you can make the decision on what you want to do with your life. Try to give it all up to your Higher Power. That's what I did. And now, here I am.

((((((((TG))))))))
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Old 08-01-2005, 11:54 PM
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Can I handle the roller coaster cycle anymore?
The real question is, can you handle this roller coaster cycle for the rest of your life?

He’ll go to a friend’s house and get plastered. His friend’s mom calls me to come get him, and what am I supposed to tell a mom.
Perhaps you could tell her he's a big boy, he got himself there, he can get himself back. When did you become his personal aide and taxi service?

Is this how you want to live?
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Old 08-02-2005, 07:23 AM
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TG - My axw use to ask me if it would bother me if she had a drink. I would say no, it bothers me when you get drunk. Have been exactly where you are now.

If you see a reoccurring pattern, you're probably seeing a reoccurring pattern.
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