A light at the end of the tunnel!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
A light at the end of the tunnel!
If there's one thing I'm glad of it's that D is a good man - but lordy I could brain him sometimes!!
So off we went to the docs, D chirpy once we got in after having shaken through his time in the waiting room. He told the doc how much better last week had been but that he had drank last night - he was happy for me to tell the doc last week wasn't so hot either! He didn't argue.
Needless to say the doc was rather confused! He's signed him off for another week and offered a referal to a psychiatric unit specialising in addiction. D with his terminal optimism asked for another week to sort it out himself. The doc left it as his decision at the moment.
So needless to say D and I had a brief discussion - read - me saying YOU HAVE TO TELL THE DOCTOR WHAT'S HAPPENING!!
But there's a problem, after so many years saying and forcing himself to think it will all be alright, letting person number two in (ie the doc) is easier said than done. However D does agree it has to be done and that it has to come from him.
So the agreed solution - he is (as I type) writing the doc a letter. He's agreed to put in it all the things he says to me, all the reasons why he feels he 'can't' just get going and live, the reasons why he's scared, the reasons why he's hidden AND what he plans to do this week.
And so - what's in it for me? For me the pay off is huge, it's a more complete handover, he's found a way to take more independence, the doctor will have a fuller picture from D NOT ME. It's another piece of what I've held through this, knowing that something is deeply wrong and needing those qualified to handle it.
D has also agreed and will write in the letter specific targets that if he doesn't reach alone he will agree to referal. The targets include most of the stuff that concerns me like him getting out (swimming each day is one of them), him taking responsibility for work communication (via fax and email), him driving again (which is becoming another big issue because he hasn't driven for about 10 days now and he does have problems with it). In short his independence - ie me off the hook!! Also if he drinks even once he's agreed to be refered.
All of this is on top of him STILL going to the full assessment with our local alcohol advisory service.
For me I've booked to see my doc again, to get another week off work. That is for me, I hate my job - it's isolating and stressful which I don't need right now. It gives me a week where I can see friends, take a break when I need to and most importantly to get a little rest and excercise!
This is a massive hurdle for any new marriage to face but I think we are handling it in the best way, talking to each other and co-operating. Recovery is more than just putting down the pint jug - it's the things above that give me the most complete hope and that he is still saying he's committed to stopping, he just has some figuring out to do on the 'how' bit! Another week - a fresh start, and it is. With each new day come new chances, today he's taking them.
So off we went to the docs, D chirpy once we got in after having shaken through his time in the waiting room. He told the doc how much better last week had been but that he had drank last night - he was happy for me to tell the doc last week wasn't so hot either! He didn't argue.
Needless to say the doc was rather confused! He's signed him off for another week and offered a referal to a psychiatric unit specialising in addiction. D with his terminal optimism asked for another week to sort it out himself. The doc left it as his decision at the moment.
So needless to say D and I had a brief discussion - read - me saying YOU HAVE TO TELL THE DOCTOR WHAT'S HAPPENING!!
But there's a problem, after so many years saying and forcing himself to think it will all be alright, letting person number two in (ie the doc) is easier said than done. However D does agree it has to be done and that it has to come from him.
So the agreed solution - he is (as I type) writing the doc a letter. He's agreed to put in it all the things he says to me, all the reasons why he feels he 'can't' just get going and live, the reasons why he's scared, the reasons why he's hidden AND what he plans to do this week.
And so - what's in it for me? For me the pay off is huge, it's a more complete handover, he's found a way to take more independence, the doctor will have a fuller picture from D NOT ME. It's another piece of what I've held through this, knowing that something is deeply wrong and needing those qualified to handle it.
D has also agreed and will write in the letter specific targets that if he doesn't reach alone he will agree to referal. The targets include most of the stuff that concerns me like him getting out (swimming each day is one of them), him taking responsibility for work communication (via fax and email), him driving again (which is becoming another big issue because he hasn't driven for about 10 days now and he does have problems with it). In short his independence - ie me off the hook!! Also if he drinks even once he's agreed to be refered.
All of this is on top of him STILL going to the full assessment with our local alcohol advisory service.
For me I've booked to see my doc again, to get another week off work. That is for me, I hate my job - it's isolating and stressful which I don't need right now. It gives me a week where I can see friends, take a break when I need to and most importantly to get a little rest and excercise!
This is a massive hurdle for any new marriage to face but I think we are handling it in the best way, talking to each other and co-operating. Recovery is more than just putting down the pint jug - it's the things above that give me the most complete hope and that he is still saying he's committed to stopping, he just has some figuring out to do on the 'how' bit! Another week - a fresh start, and it is. With each new day come new chances, today he's taking them.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Recovery is more than just putting down the pint jug
It is a lifelong process. It took me 30 years to develop all these bad habits... so it's going to take some time to unlearn them. Progress not perfection... and it's going to take alot of patience.
How are you doing today, Equus? What are you going to do for you today?
Hugs,
Shannon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
I'm out for a curry tonight with my brother at a fantastic little place that has a cook sent from heaven!!
Going to my docs and getting a weeks reprieve was very much for me too! Watch this space....
Going to my docs and getting a weeks reprieve was very much for me too! Watch this space....
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