Sexy Sadie...an update...

Old 07-31-2005, 02:33 PM
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Sexy Sadie...an update...

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all your wise wisdom, thoughts, love and concern over me. It really has greatly been appreciated and I'll need ya'll as the days progress.

If you remember, EX was supposed to be moving into a shared office space with 2 of our mutual friends and I was opening my shop in the front retail space of the building. All this was supposed to have transpired a month ago but with everything that had been going on...the past month we were in limbo. He wasn't fulfilling his financial obligations to the other tenants, nor to his former business partner. He was telling stories to grandious the situation.

Well yesterday, the friends called a meeting with all of them, him and the partner to find out where his head was with moving into the space. To make a long story short, facing everyone at one time in a "Carefrontation" situation was very unsettling to him. He was not able to continue with his "truths." They offered him everything but money to help him. Asking him what he wished for etc...and they all told him what they wished for. From what I understand many tears were shed.

Last evening we all went out to a different place to just get away and let him cool off...well they ended up showing up there. At first everything was fine we were all talking but then OW came and sat down and told me she was taking him away for a week to let him sort things out. I was in agreement after all that had taken place earlier in the day. He got very upset and started lashing out at me blaming me for everything. He threatened me 3 times before he was escorted out by her and our friends. I held me own never trying to argue back just letting him go. I knew I was safe with all of them there.

This am things went from bad to worse...his former partner told him that he was completely removed from the business (she had to make that decision). He then called our mutual friend and made threats against him.

We've lost this man to the bottle...there is nothing we can do now but hope that he finds his way back to the person he was. But we all are in agreement that he can't take us down with him. I've let go as well as everyone else that has loved and cared for him, including his parents...this is not the man we know and love.

Big hugs ya'll...this has been a tough 24 hours...
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Old 07-31-2005, 02:55 PM
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Hey Lisa!


Good to hear from ya. Yep, been there, too. Xabf blaming me for all of his problems telling me that I was "killing" him and played myself and his family. When they were speaking to him, I was the bad person. When he was talking to me, they were the bad people.

They burn their bridges constantly, going back and forth between people....using them all until they catch on and give 'em the boot.

I'm glad the business partners had the "Carefrontation" with him. They have time and money invested into the business and can't afford to be brought down by an A like Ex.

He'll continue to be mad and will blame you and everybody for awhile.....you can expect that. When the $ is cut off....he'll be hurting. BUT, he did that to himself.

Missed ya!

((hug))
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Old 08-01-2005, 02:22 PM
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GF...thank you. It truly is sad...and today as my Therapist showed me, I can start my grieving for the man that I loved. I am also going to search for spirituality in myself. Interesting enough, I found the root of things...now what to do with it...when I was a child, my father was an alcoholic. My childhood memories of him do not focus on the drinking at all...I only remember all the good times that we shared and how close we were. My mother and I left him at one point with the ultimatimum...and it worked...we were gone for a few days living out of a hotel and he said to come home he would quit...and for the rest of his life until he passed away when I was 17 he never drank again...my mother had stayed with him through thick and thin and he was willing to quit drinking out of his love for the both of us. I guess I was living the circle...and hoping for the same results. I just wasn't as lucky it appears.

My therapist recommended a book for me to read called A Return to Love...by Marianne Williamson...based on the Course in Miracles. Anyone familiar with it?
I just picked it up at the library along with a couple of Beattie books on codependency.
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Old 08-02-2005, 01:54 PM
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Hi Sexysadie,

More often than not ultimatums don't work. Your Mom was one of the lucky ones.

It's best just to live and focus on ourselves, the rest works itself out.

Ngaire
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