honeysuckle

Hi...I've been reading all your posts and some of them have made me cry...one person said, on the subject of al-anon meetings, that hearing about other people's experiences and feelings can help bring out your own emotions, and that has been true in my case, reading through the message boards.

It's been hard for me the past few days, because although I told my axbf I didn't want to talk to him anymore when he was drunk, he called me after he got out of the hospital because he had a withdrawal seizure...then he called me the next day and said the medicine was messing him up...and the days since then, although he says he has not taken anymore of that medicine, he says it has still messed him up, but he "hasn't been drinking." I've found it's better to just make him think I believe him when he says that, even though I don't. I read someone's comment that said to consider no contact with him at all, but I'm not ready for that yet. I think if I didn't have any contact, I would be tempted to bury my feelings. Contact with him brings my feelings out again, even if they are sad or angry. Besides that, I care about him a lot and I want to make sure he is still alive...even if that only means half-alive right now. And a part of me really hopes for a day when he will call me, completely sober, and happy, and making his life better for himself.

I haven't been to any al-anon meetings yet, although I think I want to. I'm nervous for the same reasons others have posted...and wonder if I will be expected to say anything in the first meeting? I like to "test the waters." Also, it might seem silly, but I worry that because I'm not married to him, and we don't even live in the same state anymore, and we were only together 8 months and I only lived with him for about 2 months, that compared to other people who are married to A's, divorced, or have lived with them for years before they separated, my problem might seem too small and trivial for something like that. I mean...I think that my problem and feelings deserve resolution and attention and care just like anyone else's...but will the others at al-anon see it that way?

Minx1969

Hi Honeysuckle and welcome to SR;

Let me ask you a few questions:
1. what do you want out of life?
2. How willing are you to change your life?

Go to Alanon!! it's a wonderful, supportive non judgemental place..There are people from all walks of life, different relationships (some in, some not etc)..Don't worry about it! People will welcome you...

You don't have to share anything you don't want to either..So people don't need to know anything..You don't have to say anything other then your first name..

Let me tell you about me: I'm 36, no longer with my exABF. We broke up almost a year ago (soon after I started Alanon)..He wasn't my first alcoholic but I think he is my last..I'm now dating a wonderful man who is not an alcoholic..

I was so broken from my relationship with my now ex that all I did was cry the first 6 meetings or so in Alanon..I'm talking fullon sobbing I cant' stop..I was in so much pain..I loved him so much but the relationship was killing me..

After he broke up with me, I kept going and going and I'm still going..I have a little over a year in the program and I can't even count the ways I have been helped..I have healed alot and broken my cycle of dating really sick men..(one of the reasons I stayed..)

If you go, go to at least 6 meetings before you decide if it is for you or not..Get a sponsor, work the steps..

I did all my steps in under a year (i'm an overachiever) and found my sponsor immediately..I am so much more peaceful and have a lot less worry..just one of the benefits from working my program and on myself..

You will notice that each meeting you will find something you can identify with that someone else said..

Post back after your first meeting!

Minx

walkingtheline

GO GO GO!

You don't have to say a darn thing except perhaps, "Hi, I'm new".

nocellphone

Hi, honeysuckle!

Someone once told me, "If you're thinking about going to a meeting, why not go to it and think about it afterward?"

As for whether you'll be expected to speak, I'll just say that I've met many a newcomer whose name seems to be "Pass"...

I think it's natural to be a bit nervous about taking a step into the unknown. From the very beginning, I found Al-Anon to be a safe place filled with gentle people who understand where I'm coming from, since I've been affected by other people's alcoholism. In Al-Anon, it doesn't matter what your exposure to alcoholism has been, or for how long. If you've been affected, there's a seat waiting for you... and help to be found.

I can't see why they wouldn't. I know that if I met you at a meeting, I'd welcome you with open arms.

I hope you'll give Al-Anon a try. It's done more for me than I could possibly express, and it may have someting to offer you as well!

minnie

To be honest, I don't find al-anon to be about the alcoholic. It's about me. Finding out what makes me tick, why I got into that relationship (and others), learning how to value myself. In fact, the word alcoholic rarely comes up in my meetings. I know that there was a reason why I didn't have boundaries, why I didn't say "hey, you're a nice guy, look me up when you've sorted out your problems". I am no longer with the alcoholic, but I keep going back.

I have founnd huge warmth in the meetings I have been to. It might help to call the helpline in the phone book and talk to someone first. You might be able to meet someone beforehand, so that it's not daunting.

Give it a go - what have you got to lose? Let us know how you get on.

Love

Minnie
xxx