drinkinhubby

I've been married for just over 4 years to my hubby. Through our years of dating (which was around 5 years) and up until a year or so after we were married we would both drink alot on the weekends and more often than not we'd end up drunk. I always looked at it as social drinking and a stage of growing up. So when it came time to have our first child I had no problem quiting. However my husband did. I hadn't realized he had any kind of problem until then. Episodes of him going to a bar and getting drunk weren't and still aren't uncommon. He hides liquor all over the house from me. Today I found 3 empty bottles of vodka and 1 empty bottle of crown. I'm so upset! I'm just not sure what to do! He's always so apologetic each time he gets drunk but I'm sick of it. These drunk incidents happen about 4-5 times per month or more. I've told him I'm going to stick around as long as he is able to see there is a problem, is working on the problem, and is the same man I married in every other aspect. So now my question for you all.. what next? I'm going to try and get him to attend an AA meeting if at all possible in August. He's very shy and gets extremely anxious around people he doesn't know so situations like an AA meeting will not be very comfortable for him. Any other ideas are more than welcome! Thanks!

reader

Welcome to SR!!!! I think the bottom line is does he want to quit. If he doesn't it is a losing battle. The shame and quilt he shows is all part of the alcoholism. It's a ongoing cycle. I suggest that you work on you through SR and Alanon meetings. I'm new to all of this but it's been a great help to me. You could leave a AA pamplet on a coffee table and
let him know that his drinking hurts you and his marriage. Beyond that the ball is in his court, He has to do the work! Keep coming back read and share. Your not alone in this! Kerry

drinkinhubby

thanks alot! Luckily our relationship is open enough where I can easily suggest him going to AA. He's very aware of what his drinking is doing to our relationship and thats the most frustrating part. I will get him to go to one of those meetings. Thats my goal at this point for sure!

meli2005

It can take an alcoholic a long time to come around and admit they are an alcoholic.

Also, you can suggest things, but you cannot control the alcoholic. Also, just because he goes to AA does not mean he is ready to quit. He needs to go to AA by his own choice not because you suggested it or want him to go. Above all, he needs to want to get sober for HIMSELF only and not to save a marriage, for another person, etc.

I have a young child too and know what you are going through. The denial part is very hard. It can be a rocky road to recovery, at least it has for my AH.

You could suggest he go to see an addictions counselor. Alanon would be good for you.

Minx1969

You might want to read "Getting them Sober"..It suggests against nagging or criticizing..Just express your concern and then let it go..

I would strongly recommend that you go to Alanon however..read the stickies on the tops of the Naranon and Alanon posts..

I'm a big proponent of AA but there are other avenues if your husband is WILLING to quit..Remember it's all up to him..

You have no control over what he will and will not do..

loristreily

True, There Has To Be A Desire To Want To Get Better. Just Going To An Aa Meeting Without The Willingness And Desire To Want To Stay Sober Is Only A Way Of His Continued Denial That He Is Not An Alcoholic. Remembering That This Disease Is Cunning Baffling And Powerful, And That The True Person Is Trapped In This Vicious Cycle Of Self Destruction, One Has To Present One With An Ultimatum. Getting Destroyed 5 Times A Month On Alcohol, And The Obvious Sign Of Hiding Alcohol Are Key Symptons That The Disease Is Progressing. Normal People Do Not Hide Liquor Around The House. This Is What They Refer To In Aa As Part Of The Insanity Of This Disease. There Is Referred To As A Bottom When One Goes To Any Length To Get Sober, It Does Not Seem He Has Hit His Yet. The Chaos Of Dealing With Someone At This Stage Is One Thing, But Going To The Extreme That Some Have Gone To Is Bringing You Into The Firing Line And The Insanity Of This Disease. My Thoughts And Prayers Are With You Both.